An Author

I am in the process of writing a book about my journey through weight loss. It won't be done until I am done with this weight loss journey. I am hoping to publish it when I maintain my ideal weight.


I will post my before and after pictures and describe my goals along my journey.


I also have a few more books I am working on that doesn't deal with my journey. Maybe I am meant to be a author.


I gotta find what my career and I should be doing it by now but in my sisuation it's harder than it sounds.

I have been thinking alot. I'm searching deep inside the things that bother me. Well I need to let it out. Here it goes....

It bothers me and pisses me off when my mom tells me to be nice to my sisters that I'm gonna need them one day. She thinks I'm gonna end up like my friend Holly who can't really fend for herself and when her mother passes away one of her brothers are gonna take care of her.

I wish I was successful like they were. I will be one day. I just need to prove to my family I can make something of myself. Yes I am jelous of them. Their success, friends, and amount of money they make is what I dream about and hope I am able to have a life of my own one day.

When will I see my hopes and my dreams come true. Be able to accomplish things in my life.

I really do hate my life now. It's hard to get a job and I'm still trying to figure out what I am supposed to do in life and where am I supposed to be. All I gotta do is pray and hope it turns out the way it's supposed to.

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Fat Acceptance: Not for me

Who wants to except being overweight or overweight/obsese. I sure don't. I hate being obese. I can't believe that there are groups out there such as the NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) which is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. There are pros and cons to being FAT. But there are more cons than pros.

Being FAT is not healthy. Being thin and healthy is.


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Losing Focus on my Priorities

Hroscope for April 14, 2010
About ten days ago it may have occurred to you that you should be making more of an effort to advance your career, If so, it will be easier for you to accept the challenges of today, as there is some probability you'll be asked to perform to the highest levels of perfection. Be careful not to lose yourself in the attempt! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I procrastinate a lot and I lose focus on what my priorities are. What I need to focus on is a job and weight loss. I am in a funk and I feel depressed.I want to get up and exercise and keep focused on finding a job. I am losing motivation on both. I am trying to figure out what my problems are and it's a lot harder than it is.

Dr. Phil Show Topic

I caught the last few minutes of Dr. Phil show about The Ultimate Fat Debate. They had Jillian Michales from The Biggest Loser, MeMe Roth, president of the anti-fat organization National Action Against Obesity, Michael Karolchyk, owner of the Anti-Gym, Peggy Howell from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, Marianne Kirby, author of Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere; Erica Watson, comedienne and star of the one-woman show "Fat Bitch".

I haven't seen Dr. Phil in a while but when I was channel surfing it caught my eye. This was a discussion about the insident that Kevin James got kicked off a Southwest Flight cause he was too fat.

I wanted to touch base on Peggy Howell from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. I don't get how someone is happy with the body that their in and doesn't want to become fit (thin) and healthy.

I'm strugging and trying to figure out what is keeping me from working out at the gym.

I'm pissed at that MeMe Roth, president of the anti-fat National Action Against Obesity. With such a stupid stereotypical organization.


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Finding the Right Gym for me

I'm not even using the gym I do now so will I do the same I as I did with the last 2 gyms I've joined. I sign up and go a few times. I don't know why I don't use it maybe because I don't like to exercise and I'm lazy. I don't even workout at home cause I am sick of the workout DVD's and I can't even get myself to take a simple walk in my neighborhood.


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Random Dream: Part Wedding

I had some random dreams last night and part of that was a wedding dream. I was at my wedding reception. My wedding planner told me and my husband to erase the dry erase boards. There were two small ones. I looked over to him and saw a face. It wasn't that clear but it was the face of Tom my friend/the guy I like. I hope this is a sign from GOD. I can see myself marrying him and having him by my husband. He's got some of the qualities I want in in a boyfriend. He's Cathloic, loving, caring, comes from a good family, he also told me he changed his mind about having kids after watching his nephew how the joy on his face made him feel about wanting kids.

There are some blocks in the road that I am waiting to brush away. Like he told me he still wants to be a priest but maybe in another state or being a brother. He doesn't know what he wants. He told me he is still young that he's got time to think about what he wants. I am hoping when he goes to Florida that he has a lot of time to think about his future and what direction he wants to go in his career. I hope that dream I had will come true and GOD has given me a sign that he is the one I am gonna marry. The best thing yet about this dream wad that I seen myself in my dress and I was THIN!!


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He did it again

Tom and I were supposed to do something today but plans had changed. I am DONE. I am pissed. The guard is up strong and the walls won't be coming down anytime soon. I will be focusing on me and my life. He makes plans and then most of the time he doesn't follow through. Then there is when I am trying to speak and he talks over me and he has the nerve when I do it to him he tells me let me talk. All he cares about is himself and he thinks he's always right.

I won't be hanging out with him anytime soon nor I will be answering the phone when he calls. He has done this too many times and to him our friendship is nothing to him. He lies and breaks promices. Our friendship has changed and I will never trust him or believe him for a long time.


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Hope things are starting to look up

I am excited that I got a job interview tomorrow at Oakmont. Which is right across from where I live. I hope and pray something comes from this. I don't know if it's for housekeeping or a dietary aid. I feel confident about this and I hope whatever job it is I will be able to do it. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. I am so sick and tired of looking for jobs. All I want is to establish myself and have my own life living on my own rather than living with my parents.

I get this job and that will mean a start for me to saving money for a car and I can focus on what most means to me and that is my career. What that will be I hope is to start my own business. I can't give up. I will try my best to get all the help I need to help me succeed. I am doing this on my own. I will tell my parents and everyone else when things start to happen.

Vegan Raspberry Vinaigrette

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
 
1/2 cup raspberries, fresh or frozen
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 tsp sugar subistute
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1/4 cup vegetable oil
 
Preparation:
Add all ingredients, except oil to a blender or food processor and  
puree until smooth. Slowly add oil until well combined.

Vegan 'Honey' Mustard Dressing

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
3 1/2 Tbsp Lemon Juice
1 Tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1/3 Cup Agave Nectar Light
2 1/2 Tbsp Spicy Brown Mustard
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 Clove of Garlic
Black Pepper to taste
1/3 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
 
Makes 8 servings of 2 Tablespoons
 
Directions:
In a blender or with a hand blender combine all ingredients except for  
the Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Blend ingredients while slowly adding EVOO.
 
....and ta da! "Honey" Mustard Dressing!
 
*For a thicker/creamier version of the dressing substitute EVOO with 4  
tbsp Nayonaise and 1/2 cup soft tofu!*
 
Number of Servings: 8
 
Recipe submitted by SparkPeople user JAMIELEAPORRECA.
 
Number of Servings: 8

Tortilla Rollups

Ingredients
16 oz fat-free cream cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
8 oz fat-free feta cheese
9 oz frozen spinach
2 whole english (seedless) cucumbers
10 (10 inch) flour tortillas
1.Thaw and drain the spinach and set it off to the side
2. In a bowl, Soften the cream cheese
3. Stir in the feta cheese until it is blended with the cream cheese (if it is in a block, chop into crumbles with a fork)
4. Mix in the paremesan cheese until blended with the cream cheese mixture
5. Add the spinach and mix until blended
6. When mixed, mold into a ball in the bowl and place on wax paper and shape it into a ball
7. Place the ball on a dish, chop up cucmber into 1″-2″ slices and serve
   Servings: Approximately 42 - Serving size: 2 tablespoons

Why I want to lose weight?

1. Be healthier & Fitter

To look better than Brigette & Amanda
Shop at stores I couldn't before

I don't want to be fat anymore/
diabetic/die young/a fat bride/worry about what people are thinking about me about my weight.

I want to be fit/healthy/live a healthy lifestyle/like what I see in the mirror/

When temptation strikes I give in and when I am done I have guilt.

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Hints Part 2

I was hanging out with Tom yesterday. After he picked me up we were driving for a bit and around 5:40-5:45 his friend Matt called and he called me his girlfriend. There has been other times in the past that he has called me his girlfriend. But later that day when he introduced me to his other friend he called me his really good friend.

He always tells me he loves me. At first I thought it was for friends then more and more hints begin to happen and I figured it out. I wanted to deny my feelings but when I finally came clean I knew I liked him.

He also makes sexual remarks to me at times. Like putting his hands between my legs to keep them warm and touching and sucking my boobs.

I just don't know anymore. But there are a couple of negitive things that has happened. He kinda pushes away from me. Like he told me I wasn't his type and I responded to him to the answer of the reaction as you aren't my type either. That was the big one. Also on Wednesday he did some kind of thing and he told me he was joking. I hope he isn't just being funny and messing with my head. If he is I will no longer want to be friends with him.


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Think like a Trainer

Maybe if I think like a personal trainer who works out all the time then I can get my mind straight and stop making excuses and just get up and go to the gym without even thinking about it. I know when I want to go I think about it and I end up not going. My mind is full of EXCUSES that lead me to nowhere and just keep me from making my dreams come true.

I need to get a handle on this and figure out how to stop what is holding me back.


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I have to move on

I have given a lot of thought about the remark Tom said to me in the car about me not being his type. You think that I would get the hint. But what gets me is that he flirts with me. But I decided to move on and put up another guard to help keep me focused on what needs to be focued on and that is ME. That means me finding a job so that I can help establish myself, find my career, and have weightloss.

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Positive Mind Set

I talked to Tom over Facebook Chat a little bit ago. He told me he has had it with the seminary. How all he has to do is look for a job that is plan b for him. He is looking for a job in Florida why I don't know what is so special in Florida.

Anyways, I haven't done a workout in 2 days and I have been slipping. I know I am gonna have those days once in a while and all I have to do is stick it out and go back to my positive mind set and get back on the wagon to continue my journey. There is no stopping me now. I want weightloss and I am gonna try my hardest to see my goal weight.

With Tom I do have my guard and wall up until I am 100% sure I am supposed to be with him. When he said Hi to me first after that was do I want to do something and that he was thinking about leaving the seminary cause he doesn't have his heart into it anymore. I guess that whatever is meant to be it's meant to be or not and we'll remain friends.


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Back to Business

I am back to thinking about my Bridal Boutique Business. I need to really know if I am meant to do this. I can't give up cause if I do I will never know if this is my career.

I haven't talked to Tom since that day when I talked to him over Facebook chat. Maybe it's for the best we aren't supposed to be together and just remain friends. I guess it's for the best and I am fine with that. I have put my guard back up. I have always had my wall up but now that the guard is back up I am totally focused on me.

I will keep my wall up until I can truely know I can trust the man I am going to be with for the rest of my life.


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Everyday Pritories

I have to make Exercise without making any Excuses and Eat healthy.

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I don't want to be fat bride

This has been on my mind. I don't want to hate what I see in photographs or on video. I want to be able to wear anything I see in stores.

I am getting to where I want to be. I am focused and motivated to finally see me at a weight I have been wanting for a long time.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~