California Soul

There is a song that I love listening to that when I do it goes deep within my soul and it touches my heart and that song is called California Soul by Marlana Shaw. I love the remix that was played on the Lincoln Lawyer soundtrack.

There is also a song I just recently found that also takes me back to Cali. That song is called Los Angelus by Sugar Cult.


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Off to a great start

Well today was weigh in day. I got on the scale and lost 4 lbs in less than a month. Wow! I hoe I keep it up.

As for this week I had a bad week. I hardly worked out but next week is a new week and I'll be back on track. When I
don't go to the gym I feel bad but I'm not gonna let that stop me. I'm still working on my excuses and my I don't feel like going to the gym mood. When I don't feel like going I make excuses and I don't go.

I am so obsessed with moving to California. I can't stop thinking about it. I research stuff on moving there and watch YouTube videos on anything I can find on California. California is my happy place. When I am down I think about living there and it always puts a smile on my face. I hope and pray that I will be able to move there.

I'm not going to put my life on hold and wait and see what things that will come to me. If I want things to happen I gotta make things happen. I gotta live my own life and in order to make me happy I gotta do what want and not make anyone else happy.


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Making things happen

Between last year & this year I have realized so much and things are getting a lot clearer. I know what I want and I'm going after it.

I'm not going to be making people happy anymore cause when I did I ended up not happy and miserable. I am focused on me and making me happy. In order for me to make me happy I need to start pleasing myself and doing what will make me happy. I'm not waiting for things to happen I'm making things happen.


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A year of change

Since this the year of change I'm thinking about becoming either a vegetarian or a vegan to become healthier. I thought about this in the past. If I'm not thinking about finding a job I have to focus on my health. I haven't focused on my health in a long time and I gotta learn all I can about a new lifestyle and slowly start changing my life.

Every time I'm not focused I'm just pushing my dreams and goals aside. I'm one step further to seeing myself happy.

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Update

It's been a long time since I last wrote in here. My life has been a mess. I'm trying to focus and slowly start to organize and work on all my problem spots. Starting with distancing myself from my feelings for Tom. It's going to go back to where I didn't have these feelings.

Today set it off when I hung out with Him. I now see how selfish and rude he is. All he cares about is himself. I'm second thinking our friendship. I'm sick and tired of his selfishness. He doesn't see it. I want to say something but I don't want to start an argument. He has disappointed me many times and when I do it to him he does it right back. He is SO SELFISH to see I'm trying to teach him a lesson. I hope he stays single for the rest of his life.

I have so much anger and disappointment bottled up inside me that needs to be said to him that I kind of take it out on other people. My focus is on finding a job, my health, and planning my future business. My plate is too full to think about love. Even though I'm lonely and want to be in love. I guess that is the story of my life, always being alone. Weather it's lack of friendship to having guys not attracted to me.

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Dream

I had a dream a couple nights ago. I was sitting on a chair and was on my laptop and Tom comes over me and was looking at something and I looked up to talk to him and all of a sudden we kissed. It was a sloppy kiss but when I woke up I had a big smile on my face. I later on that day got to spend the day with him. I kept on thinking about that kiss. I don't know when and where or if it will ever happen. But good things come to those who wait. Well I am sick and tired of waiting. I just want to kiss him.


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3 days in a Row

I am going on my 3rd day of seeing Tom. He stayed last night till 4:00 in the morning. We didn't do anything but watch TV. I feel better things are soon to come. I can't wait till that day until he kisses me. I wish that something would of happened last night but good things come to those who wait. Well I am sick and tired of waiting but I will wait until the time is right.

When he asked me to give him a kiss I didn't know if he was serious or joking. With him I never know if he is playing around or if he isn't.

Right now I'm at his house waiting for him to get ready. I can't wait till I see if anything will happen tonight.


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Venting

I have been thinking about what I am going to say to my mom when it does come the time when do tell her my plans of owning a business. If she says to me why didn't I tell her will simply it's because you never supported me in the past and you were always negative and told me that I wasn't serious. So that is why I kept it to myself and only told a couple people. I am not a child anymore and I am doing what it takes to help myself get to where I want to go. If you support me now that is good and if you don't I found the support I need to help me. By not telling you my plans I wanted to block the negative words that would keep me down. I have done all my research and done all I can to get me started. I want you to know that I am serious about this and it's not just a thought or an idea and I wasn't gonna act on. I know in the past that that has happened but I am a lot older and not that dreamer.

If I want things done I have to do it myself.This is what I am standing by and I prefer it cause it's gonna make me feel better and it's gonna make me feel a lot happier. I am taking matters in my own hands. I gotta watch people and see who I can tell things too and those people who are the ones I can trust to help support me.

A few weeks ago Tom and I got in a fight. After a couple weeks has passed I thought that he would call but he didn't. So decided to take the step to make the first move. I commented on his Facebook page and then that is where it started and he did actually call me but I didn't know until late so we hung out for the first time yesterday. It felt weird but I am glad that everything is back to the way it was. I really really missed him. We went to look at a house for him but it seems that it's like we are looking at them as if we were a couple. I'm not gonna lie in my head I feel that we are a couple. He said that once he finds a house he wants it to be long term and with me I think he sees it as me being his wife and us starting a family. Also I seen a little change in him. He is a little nicer. Maybe that time away from each other made him think like it did for me.


If I did marry him I would be lucky cause he won't ever hit me. He is good with this hands. He likes to work outside that I don't so that I can leave for him and I can take care of the inside. He is also handy and good with cars. There are the negative things but maybe he will change those.

Competiton

I haven't written in here in a while and I thought I would cause I need to get something off my chest. I am a future business owner and I am always up to date on my competition. My ex-bf wife owners her own Bridal Boutique and I look at their Facebook page.They have been in newspapers and recently on Fox 2 news. Now they want to open a second location and they haven't even been open a year. They just opened up in January. I know that business is doing well for them but in my option that is a STUPID thing to do. If it was my business I would just focus on my brides and making sure I bring them the best of merchandise for their wedding. I will be surprised if they do well at their second location. If I were to open a second location I would solely focus on my business and making sure that is successful and I am ready to open up another location.

I am going to be keeping up to date and seeing if they do open up another location and if that location will be successful.

The other side of me

OK, I am not my self right now. I am drunk and I feel good. I wish Tom was here to I can tell him how I feel, It's a lot easier for me to do then when I am sober. That doubt fades away and I am, able to express my feeling opening. Why can't I do that whenI am not under the influence of alcohol.

A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS

Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger.
Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it!
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be
unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car,
the house, the clothes~~~~ might be lonely.
And the word says, 'If I have not Love, I am nothing.'
So, again, love you.  Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say,
'I am too Blessed to be Stressed and too Anointed, to be Disappointed!'
'Winners make things happen, Losers let things happen.'
Be 'Blessed' Ladies

My dream last night

The last part of my dream was great. I was laying down and Tom came up to me and starting to peck kissing me on the cheek then I rolled over and somehow we started to make out. I woke up happy.I just wish that would of happened in real life.

Here is what dreammoods.com says..... To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment....This dream is also symbolic of young love and fresh romance. Perhaps the dream is telling you that you need to inject some more romance into your waking relationship......If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her.

1 sided Friendship

It pisses me off and it also upsets me that my friendship with Tom is 1 sided. I just got off the phone with him and it proves to me that what ever I want to do with my friends he doesn't want to do, I am ALWAYS doing things with him with his friends but NOT ANY MORE. I need him to see that he is 1 sided. Next time he wants to do something with his friends I will say NO. I need to put my foot down and make him see that I will NOT hang out with him until he shows me that our friendship is 2 sided a 50/50 friendship not a 100% 1 sided friendship. It's all about him and it upsets me that I have feelings for him and this is how he is. I am also questing if I even want him as a boyfriend if that comes down to it.


So tonight I will have fun with my friends and forget about him.I am so sick and tired of his 1 sided SHIT!!!!!

You Are

Baby when I look at you
You know it breaks my heart in two
How beautiful you are
I've seen you in a million dreams
Now you're finally here with me
We will never be apart
I wanna hold you forever
That's all i'll ever need

[Chorus:]
You are my love
You are my life
My heart and soul
The truest friend i've ever known
You are my world
All of my dreams
My fantasy, my reality
I love everything you are
Yes I do

Every time I close my eyes
It hits me so deep inside
How real this feeling is
I'm intoxicated by your touch
It's a sweet, sweet rush
I'm in love with your kiss
You're the one that I trust the most
You changed me

[Chorus:]
You are my love
You are my life
My heart and soul
The truest friend i've ever known
You are my world
All of my dreams
My fantasy, my reality
I love everything you are

[Chorus:]
You are my love
You are my life
My heart and soul
The truest friend i've ever known
You are my world
All of my dreams
My fantasy, my reality
I love everything you are

Everything, I love everything you are
------------------------------------------
This song by Jimmy Wayne explains how I feel about Tom. Not only do I love the song's lyrics, I love the music.

I'm falling in love with Tom more every time I hang out with him.

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My doubts

The reason I have the doubts I do is that I have never followed through anything I wanted to do. I just gave up. Also no one believes in me. All I hear are negative comments telling me I can't do it.

That is why I'm so determined into showing everyone that say I can't so it and shocking them. I will feel so better knowing that I didn't quit and I stuck it through.


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Dreams

Lately I have been having these common dreams and I hope they are trying ot tell me something. So every time I have a dream I look it up on dreammoods.com.

1. Last night I have had a dream that I saw a ring on my left finger. The finger you would have your wedding ring on. I couldn't get it off. Here is what this dream means....To see or receive a ring in your dream, symbolizes emotional wholeness, continuity, commitments and honor. If the ring is on your finger, then it signifies your commitment to a relationship or to a new endeavor. You are loyal to your ideals, responsibilities, or beliefs.
2.  Then a few nights ago I had a dream that I seen a concert and it was simple minds and the 2 songs I heard was Don't you for get about me and Alive and Kicken. When I got up I had  Don't you for get about me. I love 80's music.Here is what this dream means....To hear harmonious and soothing music in your dream, signifies prosperity and pleasure. You are expressing your emotions in a positive way. Music serves to heal the soul.
3. Last week I had a dream about fish and they were out of water. I tried to pick them up with some bags cause I hate touching fish. Here is what this dream means....The fish is also an ancient symbol of Christianity and Christian beliefs. Consider the common phrases "like a cold fish", "fish out of water" or something that is "fishy" about a situation. It may also imply a slippery or elusive situation. Perhaps your dream could be telling you that "there are plenty of other fish in the sea", with regards to some relationship issue.

On the edge of quitting

I haven't wrote in a long time and since then I got a job that I hate. It was a HUGE mistake to accept it. They treat me like shit just like K-Mart did. But this time im not taking it anymore. I want to quit sooo BAD. I am on the edge of just saying screw it but I am waiting for to see if they lose this account cause it's better for me to get laid off then to quit. I have quit jobs before and I will do it again.

I can not stand this job anymore I wish I could just find another one but it's harder then it seems.


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Recent reviews by Kristine Z.

What's this?

It's Offical

I was talking to Tom last night and he was asking me if I wanted to go to a Air show and I said why don't you ask Cheryl (the girl he likes) and told me that I see her as a gf and he concedes me a bff. So that confirms it and I told him I had some bad news and that I have made up my mind that I will be moving to California, he said awe. That's ok I was thinking about moving up north. He doesn't want to be a priest anymore but he wants to be a professior. He changes his mind so many times. I gave up and the ties are gone and the wall and sheild are still up so that my heart can mend.

Me moving to California will give me a new start in my life and a new chapter in my life. I can't stop thinking about how happy I will be when I move there. I love the atmosphere and vibe when I visit.

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Big things are happening

Well I'm at work and everyone got done early we are just waiting for Urgent Care to close at 10 so we can go in there and clean and I'll be done in 10 minutes. Hopely no one will come in last minute like yesterday. I now have an hour until Urgent Care closes and then we can be on our way. Right now it looks like no one is in the waiting room. It looks quiet and that is a good sign.

I'm almost done with my second week here at work. I can't believe how fast this day and week is almost over. I still hate this job and I won't quit until I can find another job. I also need the money. I got a lot of saving to do. First is car insurance and then there is my trip to California next year and then my big trip to Greese in a couple years. So that is a lot of hard work.


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Career Path

The more I look for a job path that deals with cleaning the more I don't want to do that on life. It's a job that no one wants to do and you look down upon.

I just started a job on Monday. I just got done with my first week and I survived that. It's a crappy job that I hate doing. It's only temporary until I can find something better.

When I'm working all I think about is my future and how bad I want to start my own business. I will not be in the cleaning industry for long. Just until I can find another job.

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One Step Closer

I have been working for 3 days and everyday I am getting used to being on my feet. Everytime I work I keep telling myself that I am getting closer to saving money for my future. A car is the first thing I need to save money for and second is my future business with a few spending cash such as a personal trainer and for my eating plan that I want to get from Everyday Gourmet.

Now I need to focus on what I need right now and that is weightloss so that I my job isn't as hard.

I don't like my job but I know it's only tempory until I can find something better.

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Polish Cucumbers and Sour Cream

• 2 lg. cucumbers
• 1/2 c. sour cream
• 2 tsp. sugar
• 1 tsp. finely chopped chives
• 1 tsp. chopped dill, if desired
• 1 tsp. salt
• Dash of pepper
• A little vinegar

 

Peel and slice cucumbers very thin. Cover with boiling water, let stand for 20 minutes. Drain and plunge cucumbers into ice water. Let stand a few minutes, then drain again, well. Place in refrigerator for half hour to chill.Mix sour cream with sugar, pepper, chives, dill then salt cucumbers. Then mix with sour cream mixture. Add a little lemon juice or vinegar. Serve very cold.

Shield, Wall, Cut the ties, & Clear the mind

Shield the heart, put up a Wall, Cut the ties, & Clear the mind. As I was done saying this to myself my cell phone rang and it was Tom in his low tone of voice asking me what I was doing this weekend. He asked if I wanted to come over and see a movie over his house cause his parents we're gonna be going to Florida with his sister for a week. I don't know what he has planned. I don't know what he wants and I'm not gonna wait anymore.


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Fish Oil Pills

I read a article about how fishoil can help with depression. I've been feeling down for a while now. I wanted to get out of this slump so when I heard that if you take a fishoil pill it'll help with depression. I've been taking these since I heard. I feel alot happier and it also helps your heart.

I forgave Tom yesterday. I heard from Rev Run on Twitter said: "Love is like quicksand, the deeper u fall in it,the harder it is to get out of it". This is so true. No matter how much Tom pisses me off. I have fallen in love with him and I've fallen hard. We were at National Coney Island yesterday and out of the blue he told me to give me daj buzi and then I told him in Polish on moje bupa. I think he seriously wanted me to kiss him but then again he jokes a lot. I wish he knew what he wanted. If he likes me then why can't he tell me. I'm old fashioned so I'm waiting for him to make the right moves to tell me what he wants.


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He's done it again

Yes, it's right. He's done it again. I'm not gonna answer my phone when he calls. I'm seriously thinking about not being friends with him. I don't need his friendship if he is gonna keep on disappointing me. I do forgive but I never forget but if you do it one too many times like Tom did it gonna make me question my friendship with him like I am doing now.


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Positives & Negitives

I'm thinking about the Positives & Negitives to Tom. I'm really confused. I don't have time to deal with this (think about it). My #1 pritory is to find a job and start making money.

I'm also still thinking about moving to Cali and opening up a business there. So I do have alot on my mind and on my plate. I'm not waiting for no one. I have nothing holding me back here so it's easier to make a real decision when it comes down to it.
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Selfish Asshole

I have come to realize that Tom is completly selfish and all he does is think about himself. I don't need a friend like that. Where it's all one sided. I don't want to have a friendship that it's all onesided.

Karma is a bitch and I love it when someone really deserves it like Tom does. He deserves a lot more for what he has done to me. I need a new life and by me moving to Cali will give me that. I'll get to meet new people and make new friends.

I'm ready to take a step to renewing my life. And as of now I don't count that Tom will be part of that life.

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Recipe: New England Lobster Rolls by Emeril Lagasse

Servings: 4 Difficulty: Easy Cook Time: 1-30 min

4 New England Style Hot dog buns
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter melted
1/3 cup mayonnaise, homemade, or good-quality store-bought
2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup finely chopped celery
1 tablespoon minced shallot
1 tablespoon minced fresh tarragon leaves
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley leaves
1 teaspoon chopped fresh chives
1 pound freshly cooked lobster tail and claw meat, cubed (from two 1 3/4-pound lobsters)
Serve with Cape Cod Potato Chips, Kettle Cooked

Cooking Directions
Preheat the grill or broiler.
Using a pastry brush, spread the inside and outside of each bun with the melted butter. Grill or broil the buns quickly to warm them through. Set the buns aside.
Combine the mayonnaise, lemon juice, and salt in a bowl, and mix well. Fold in the celery, shallot, tarragon, parsley, and chives. Then fold in the lobster meat. Place 1 bun on each plate, and divide the lobster salad evenly among the buns.
Serve immediately, with Cape Cod Potato Chips, Kettle Cooked alongside.

The last time

I am so disapointed right now. I am never asking my so-called-friend Tom to do anything. He always let's me down. He has done it too many times and it hurts me. He always wants me to go over his house, he never comes and sees me neither does Sarah or Elliot. I'm always going over there. I guess I'm not concidered a friend to them. I now just go on with my life and I'm focused on getting a job and myself. I have other friends I can hang out with.

Tom is a total turn off. I have a new look towards him. Today was the last time I've had enough.


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Refreshed & Renewed

This past Saturday I had the chance to get away from my life here at home and I went with my parents to our cottage up north.

It was good that I did. I needed a little mini vacay to clear my mind and enjoy the awesome views that I loved as a kid. I did some soul searching too. When I got back home I felt Refreshed & Renewed.


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An Author

I am in the process of writing a book about my journey through weight loss. It won't be done until I am done with this weight loss journey. I am hoping to publish it when I maintain my ideal weight.


I will post my before and after pictures and describe my goals along my journey.


I also have a few more books I am working on that doesn't deal with my journey. Maybe I am meant to be a author.


I gotta find what my career and I should be doing it by now but in my sisuation it's harder than it sounds.

I have been thinking alot. I'm searching deep inside the things that bother me. Well I need to let it out. Here it goes....

It bothers me and pisses me off when my mom tells me to be nice to my sisters that I'm gonna need them one day. She thinks I'm gonna end up like my friend Holly who can't really fend for herself and when her mother passes away one of her brothers are gonna take care of her.

I wish I was successful like they were. I will be one day. I just need to prove to my family I can make something of myself. Yes I am jelous of them. Their success, friends, and amount of money they make is what I dream about and hope I am able to have a life of my own one day.

When will I see my hopes and my dreams come true. Be able to accomplish things in my life.

I really do hate my life now. It's hard to get a job and I'm still trying to figure out what I am supposed to do in life and where am I supposed to be. All I gotta do is pray and hope it turns out the way it's supposed to.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Fat Acceptance: Not for me

Who wants to except being overweight or overweight/obsese. I sure don't. I hate being obese. I can't believe that there are groups out there such as the NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) which is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. There are pros and cons to being FAT. But there are more cons than pros.

Being FAT is not healthy. Being thin and healthy is.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Losing Focus on my Priorities

Hroscope for April 14, 2010
About ten days ago it may have occurred to you that you should be making more of an effort to advance your career, If so, it will be easier for you to accept the challenges of today, as there is some probability you'll be asked to perform to the highest levels of perfection. Be careful not to lose yourself in the attempt! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I procrastinate a lot and I lose focus on what my priorities are. What I need to focus on is a job and weight loss. I am in a funk and I feel depressed.I want to get up and exercise and keep focused on finding a job. I am losing motivation on both. I am trying to figure out what my problems are and it's a lot harder than it is.

Dr. Phil Show Topic

I caught the last few minutes of Dr. Phil show about The Ultimate Fat Debate. They had Jillian Michales from The Biggest Loser, MeMe Roth, president of the anti-fat organization National Action Against Obesity, Michael Karolchyk, owner of the Anti-Gym, Peggy Howell from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, Marianne Kirby, author of Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere; Erica Watson, comedienne and star of the one-woman show "Fat Bitch".

I haven't seen Dr. Phil in a while but when I was channel surfing it caught my eye. This was a discussion about the insident that Kevin James got kicked off a Southwest Flight cause he was too fat.

I wanted to touch base on Peggy Howell from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. I don't get how someone is happy with the body that their in and doesn't want to become fit (thin) and healthy.

I'm strugging and trying to figure out what is keeping me from working out at the gym.

I'm pissed at that MeMe Roth, president of the anti-fat National Action Against Obesity. With such a stupid stereotypical organization.


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Finding the Right Gym for me

I'm not even using the gym I do now so will I do the same I as I did with the last 2 gyms I've joined. I sign up and go a few times. I don't know why I don't use it maybe because I don't like to exercise and I'm lazy. I don't even workout at home cause I am sick of the workout DVD's and I can't even get myself to take a simple walk in my neighborhood.


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Random Dream: Part Wedding

I had some random dreams last night and part of that was a wedding dream. I was at my wedding reception. My wedding planner told me and my husband to erase the dry erase boards. There were two small ones. I looked over to him and saw a face. It wasn't that clear but it was the face of Tom my friend/the guy I like. I hope this is a sign from GOD. I can see myself marrying him and having him by my husband. He's got some of the qualities I want in in a boyfriend. He's Cathloic, loving, caring, comes from a good family, he also told me he changed his mind about having kids after watching his nephew how the joy on his face made him feel about wanting kids.

There are some blocks in the road that I am waiting to brush away. Like he told me he still wants to be a priest but maybe in another state or being a brother. He doesn't know what he wants. He told me he is still young that he's got time to think about what he wants. I am hoping when he goes to Florida that he has a lot of time to think about his future and what direction he wants to go in his career. I hope that dream I had will come true and GOD has given me a sign that he is the one I am gonna marry. The best thing yet about this dream wad that I seen myself in my dress and I was THIN!!


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He did it again

Tom and I were supposed to do something today but plans had changed. I am DONE. I am pissed. The guard is up strong and the walls won't be coming down anytime soon. I will be focusing on me and my life. He makes plans and then most of the time he doesn't follow through. Then there is when I am trying to speak and he talks over me and he has the nerve when I do it to him he tells me let me talk. All he cares about is himself and he thinks he's always right.

I won't be hanging out with him anytime soon nor I will be answering the phone when he calls. He has done this too many times and to him our friendship is nothing to him. He lies and breaks promices. Our friendship has changed and I will never trust him or believe him for a long time.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Hope things are starting to look up

I am excited that I got a job interview tomorrow at Oakmont. Which is right across from where I live. I hope and pray something comes from this. I don't know if it's for housekeeping or a dietary aid. I feel confident about this and I hope whatever job it is I will be able to do it. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. I am so sick and tired of looking for jobs. All I want is to establish myself and have my own life living on my own rather than living with my parents.

I get this job and that will mean a start for me to saving money for a car and I can focus on what most means to me and that is my career. What that will be I hope is to start my own business. I can't give up. I will try my best to get all the help I need to help me succeed. I am doing this on my own. I will tell my parents and everyone else when things start to happen.

Vegan Raspberry Vinaigrette

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
 
1/2 cup raspberries, fresh or frozen
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 tsp sugar subistute
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1/4 cup vegetable oil
 
Preparation:
Add all ingredients, except oil to a blender or food processor and  
puree until smooth. Slowly add oil until well combined.

Vegan 'Honey' Mustard Dressing

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
3 1/2 Tbsp Lemon Juice
1 Tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1/3 Cup Agave Nectar Light
2 1/2 Tbsp Spicy Brown Mustard
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 Clove of Garlic
Black Pepper to taste
1/3 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
 
Makes 8 servings of 2 Tablespoons
 
Directions:
In a blender or with a hand blender combine all ingredients except for  
the Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Blend ingredients while slowly adding EVOO.
 
....and ta da! "Honey" Mustard Dressing!
 
*For a thicker/creamier version of the dressing substitute EVOO with 4  
tbsp Nayonaise and 1/2 cup soft tofu!*
 
Number of Servings: 8
 
Recipe submitted by SparkPeople user JAMIELEAPORRECA.
 
Number of Servings: 8

Tortilla Rollups

Ingredients
16 oz fat-free cream cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
8 oz fat-free feta cheese
9 oz frozen spinach
2 whole english (seedless) cucumbers
10 (10 inch) flour tortillas
1.Thaw and drain the spinach and set it off to the side
2. In a bowl, Soften the cream cheese
3. Stir in the feta cheese until it is blended with the cream cheese (if it is in a block, chop into crumbles with a fork)
4. Mix in the paremesan cheese until blended with the cream cheese mixture
5. Add the spinach and mix until blended
6. When mixed, mold into a ball in the bowl and place on wax paper and shape it into a ball
7. Place the ball on a dish, chop up cucmber into 1″-2″ slices and serve
   Servings: Approximately 42 - Serving size: 2 tablespoons

Why I want to lose weight?

1. Be healthier & Fitter

To look better than Brigette & Amanda
Shop at stores I couldn't before

I don't want to be fat anymore/
diabetic/die young/a fat bride/worry about what people are thinking about me about my weight.

I want to be fit/healthy/live a healthy lifestyle/like what I see in the mirror/

When temptation strikes I give in and when I am done I have guilt.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Hints Part 2

I was hanging out with Tom yesterday. After he picked me up we were driving for a bit and around 5:40-5:45 his friend Matt called and he called me his girlfriend. There has been other times in the past that he has called me his girlfriend. But later that day when he introduced me to his other friend he called me his really good friend.

He always tells me he loves me. At first I thought it was for friends then more and more hints begin to happen and I figured it out. I wanted to deny my feelings but when I finally came clean I knew I liked him.

He also makes sexual remarks to me at times. Like putting his hands between my legs to keep them warm and touching and sucking my boobs.

I just don't know anymore. But there are a couple of negitive things that has happened. He kinda pushes away from me. Like he told me I wasn't his type and I responded to him to the answer of the reaction as you aren't my type either. That was the big one. Also on Wednesday he did some kind of thing and he told me he was joking. I hope he isn't just being funny and messing with my head. If he is I will no longer want to be friends with him.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Think like a Trainer

Maybe if I think like a personal trainer who works out all the time then I can get my mind straight and stop making excuses and just get up and go to the gym without even thinking about it. I know when I want to go I think about it and I end up not going. My mind is full of EXCUSES that lead me to nowhere and just keep me from making my dreams come true.

I need to get a handle on this and figure out how to stop what is holding me back.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

I have to move on

I have given a lot of thought about the remark Tom said to me in the car about me not being his type. You think that I would get the hint. But what gets me is that he flirts with me. But I decided to move on and put up another guard to help keep me focused on what needs to be focued on and that is ME. That means me finding a job so that I can help establish myself, find my career, and have weightloss.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Positive Mind Set

I talked to Tom over Facebook Chat a little bit ago. He told me he has had it with the seminary. How all he has to do is look for a job that is plan b for him. He is looking for a job in Florida why I don't know what is so special in Florida.

Anyways, I haven't done a workout in 2 days and I have been slipping. I know I am gonna have those days once in a while and all I have to do is stick it out and go back to my positive mind set and get back on the wagon to continue my journey. There is no stopping me now. I want weightloss and I am gonna try my hardest to see my goal weight.

With Tom I do have my guard and wall up until I am 100% sure I am supposed to be with him. When he said Hi to me first after that was do I want to do something and that he was thinking about leaving the seminary cause he doesn't have his heart into it anymore. I guess that whatever is meant to be it's meant to be or not and we'll remain friends.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Back to Business

I am back to thinking about my Bridal Boutique Business. I need to really know if I am meant to do this. I can't give up cause if I do I will never know if this is my career.

I haven't talked to Tom since that day when I talked to him over Facebook chat. Maybe it's for the best we aren't supposed to be together and just remain friends. I guess it's for the best and I am fine with that. I have put my guard back up. I have always had my wall up but now that the guard is back up I am totally focused on me.

I will keep my wall up until I can truely know I can trust the man I am going to be with for the rest of my life.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Everyday Pritories

I have to make Exercise without making any Excuses and Eat healthy.

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I don't want to be fat bride

This has been on my mind. I don't want to hate what I see in photographs or on video. I want to be able to wear anything I see in stores.

I am getting to where I want to be. I am focused and motivated to finally see me at a weight I have been wanting for a long time.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Oh not again

I was chatting with Tom last night through Facebook chat and he was telling me that the priesthood isn't for him he is looking at other options. He told me he might want to move to Florida so that he can start working and make money so he can make something of himself. He told me if he'd move he would miss his friends and family since they are all here.

He asked me how I was and how my job search was going. I told him I was still looking. I also told him there is other things I am focusing on and that was a man. I said no guy would want to date someone like me and he said that was a good goal. Not the answer I was looking for but I am once again putting up my wall and focusing on my career and weight loss like I have been doing lately. I am all I am thinking about.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Almost There

I talked to Tom last night for almost 3 hours. He told me that he's not going to be a priest. So that makes me 75% almost to where I need to know. All I need is to be assured by him telling me that he wants to take our friendship to another level and when that happens I will be there 100% and I can fully let my guards down and tell him my feeling for him. When I tell him I will have the weight lifted off my shoulders.

I can see myself being with him. A few years ago. I think it was 2008. I was with him and we were by Sarah's parents house. We were flirting with each other. I was holding his hand and he sat by me rubbing my leg.

Then when I was at The Motor City Casino when my mom was offered a free room. Elliot, Tim, and Tom were there. I was laying on the bed and he just jumped on top of me and layed next to me. Then there was that time when I was at his Grandfathers house last year and we took a walk and he grabed my hand and he held it.

How this all started when we went to church at St Peter & Paul church. When he went to shake my hand he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I didn't think anything of it.

I have grown to love him not only as a friend but I have feelings for him. I am completly in love with him.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Inspiration/Motivator/ Mentor

When I got up I decided to weigh myself for a pre weigh in to see how I am I doing so far. I am down another 2 lbs so total that makes it 8 lbs. My next official weigh in is on the 20th of this month. I also see a change in my body. I am getting firmer. When I hit a certain mark I will do another after picture. I have 2 more pounds till I hit 10 pounds and 4 pounds till I am 250. If I hit that I will be jumping for joy.

Becoming a Vegertain/Vegan

When I first wanted to try the life style of becoming a vegerterian I thought it would be a good idea. It was hard I didn't know that much about it.

I looked on the PETA website and read the information. I sent out for the vegerterian starter kit. Read that and now I know about eating like a vegetarian.

Now if you want to transintion into being a vegan. That is a little more different lifestyle.

I have come to realize that I don't like Turkey. I have been eating it cause it was part of Thanksgiving. I don't eat sauage,bacon,duck,deer,rabbit, any thing that is a cute animal.

I also don't like most of Taco Bell's menu. I don't eat KFC chicken cause of how they treat their chickens.

I am changing my lifestyle step by step so that I am able to stick to my new changes.

Healthy Salad

Grilled Chicken
Lettuce
Cucumbers
Cherry Tomatos
Avocados
Alfalfa sprouts
Spinach
Onions/red onions
Green peppers
Mushrooms
Celery
Fat Free shredded cheese
Fat Free dressing


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Breakfest/Lunch Recipe

Fat Free Cream Cheese
Whole Wheat Bagels
Cucumbers
Alfalfa sprouts

-Toast your bagel

-Cut the Cumcumbers thin about 1 inch.

-Spread the Fat Free Cream Cheese on the Whole Wheat Bagel.

-Place as many as cumcumbers as you want.

-You can also add Alfalfa sprouts.



~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Sad & Pethic

It's sad and pethic that someone has to post on their Facebook status that they are looking for friends and what kind of person they are. Not to mention she deleted me from her page. I then blocked her. I don't need someone like that on my friends list or to associate with them.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

So far, so good

I am focusing on things one at a time. A vision of me not wanting to be a fat bride is in my head. I don't want to look like this and regret looking at my wedding pictures and video. I need to do something about my weight now. I don't want to be fat anymore and look and feel like this. I want to start accomplishing my goals that I have set for myself.

I am wonder now I will look by May when my sister comes for my cousins communion party. I want to at least lose 30 pounds by then and I would be 237 lbs by then. I'm not gonna rush it but my main focus is to work on my weak spots and make them into my strenghts.


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Priorities

So far things are going good. I am eating healthy but I am working on my weak parts and that is my working out. I need to make that a priority in my life. I am not eating out or eating fast food. I am sick of the bad foods that I eat in my life. I am changing my life and I am loving it.

2 wedding dreams with face

Last night and a few nights ago I had another wedding dream but these last 2 were I seen the face of the man I was going to marry and that man was my friend Tom. I hope this is my sign from god that he is going to be the man I am gonna have as my husband.


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Hints Part 1

-I caught him staring at me.
-He says he loves me
-He finds ways to touch me.
-Calls me cute names like babe/sugarplum/babycakes

If and if he will confesses his love for me I will tell him that I kept on denying my feelings for you cause you were first my friend and then there was my rule for not dating friends cause I didn't want to screw up our friendship and also my other rule for dating men younger than me.

Then there was that one time you told me you that I wasn't your type but then again you seem to be flirting with me even before and after you went into the seminary.

What I mean by flirting was in the beginning somehow you gave me a kiss on the cheek when you shook my hand in church but that wasn't the only time you have done that. I didnt think anything of it. Then there was that tine when we held hands when we took a walk in your grandfathers neighborhood but that was before you told me I wasn't your type. That was another part I didn't think anything of.

Then there was that one time where you jumped on top of me when I was on bed on the Motor City Hotel.

When you went into the seminary I had put 2 walls up. One was the friendship wall and the second one was the semiary wall but those walls are down and I am complety in love with you. I know I can't have you now and I never will cause you are in the seminary. I will be here if you decide that being a priest isn't for you.

We have known each other for 9 years when I was dating your friend then as time went on we became good friends. Somehow that turned into something more.

What do all these mean. Are they hints for me that you like me. Am I just a fool to believe these are flirtly signs.

I wish you knew what you wanted. I hope I am making the right desision. In my heart I know good things come to those who wait. If I was you and if I was in the semiary I would be taking it seriously and not do the things you do or even talk the way you do.

You have 5 1/2 years left and if you don't make a decision in a couple years by the time I am 33 and you are 30. This will give you enough time to see if you will go through the end. I will move on with my life and find someone new.
----------------------------------------
I have to remember all the times he let me down in 2009 by standing me up. It pisses me off when he does this. What real friend does this to a good friend of theirs. I guess he doesn't care.
----------------------------------------
Why does he continue to do the same things he always did before he decided to go into the sememiry. Or that he told me that I wasn't his type a couple years ago.

Last night he told me that this year is a lot harder and in April he will determine if he is meant to become a priest. When I heard this it put a smile on my face. I will just have to wait and see what will come of our future if we remain friends or friendship turns into something more.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Things are looking up

When I went to the dentist on Monday I was talking to Kelly who works there. I've known her for a long time. We always talk when I am there. She asked me about if I had a job and I told her I was still looking. She asked me about school. I told I graduated in July. She gave me the number to a place where either her friend or sister worked. It was a job in my field. I went that day and filled out a application and I was gonna give it a week but to my suprise they called me in for a interview for today at 2:00.

I am hoping and praying I get this job and it's a full time job. Last night Tom called me and asked me if I heard the news about the Masseuchetts Govenor seat. That a republication got it.

I asked him how school was going and he told me it's tough and this would be the semester to determine if he was meant fir the Priesthood. He will know in April. When I head this I put a smile on my face.

Today is my weight in day and I weighted myself and usual with nothing on and no eating or drinking. I used the toliet. I went on the scale and was happy to see that I was 257. I had lost 2 pounds from where I was before at 259.

I went out to eat at County Chief and I was did good. I ordered the baked orange roughy. I got the dinner which included soup,salad,and desert. I ordered cabbage soup, gave the salad and desert to my dad. I skipped the bread basket and crackers. This was the first time I went out to eat in a while. What I have been doing is eating not that much food. I also been trying to workout for 6 days a week.

I am hoping I get thus job cause it would be a start to establish my life and one less thing for me to worry about.

I found out that if I focus on one thing at a time that I was more likely to succeed.


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Wedding Dream

I had anothet wedding dream but this one was of me at my reception hall. I was eating at teh hard table but it  wasn't a regular head table. I wasn't sitting by my husband. I was sitting on the side with my mom and my older sister was where I was supposed to be. Then I told my mom that I should be by my husband. But he wasn't there. I wanted to get something to drink while everyone was having dinner and I looked at the line and I said screw it. My little sister handed me the little pitcher of water. Then later on I went to the bathroom and I look down on my dress and it was a A-line lace. I kissed some guy and he told me Congratulations.

I was looking around the room I noticed that everyone was having a good time. I seen that the hall was not as a banquet hall should be. The dance Floor was on the back. The orchestra band was in front but just during dinner cause they had another party to go to and there was also a DJ. I had RENT-A-DJ there. I never saw the photographer or Videographer there.

Then Toby Maguire was at my wedding. He called me over to where he was sitting and I was talking to him. He wanted me to request a song that was on the 3rd Spiderman movie. Some song about Savannah. Anyways, then we headed to the head table and we were sitting and I was asking him about Spiderman 4. Why wasn't he gonna be in it and here comes Paula Dean coming up to us to talk. Then I woke up.

In all my wedding dreams I  ever had I never saw who I was marrying. I wish I knew. I hope to have a wedding dream when I am planning my wedding and there will be a face to the man that will be my husband.

Made Fit TV

My last blog post I had told you about MadeFit TV. The first time I had heard about Jenny was I was watching my city channel on December 7th, 2008. They had a segment on a local personal trainer. At the time it was Brides Made Fit. I know I wasn't a Bride but she had some really good information on Health and Fitness. I then forgot about the news cast cause I wasn't in the fitness state of mind.

Then when I got back into the swing of things I had remembered that news cast and checked out her I-Pod cast on ITunes. I checked out her website and seen that she did a LIVE cast on USTREAM. So I checked it out on October 13, 2009. It was her Pumpkin Bread episode. From then on I was hooked and I look forward to every Saturday at noon. She has helped me a lot and I continue to tune in to see her live and talk with her before and after every show.



If you need help with weight loss. Tune in to her for free advice.

Quick Update

So I wanted to do a quick update. I have weighted myself today but I know it isn't a weigh in day I am now 259 lbs. I am so happy that I am under 260. My hightest was 263 so I am slowly losing.

A new year - A new lifestyle

Right now my daily routine is very lazy and boring. I get up eat breakfest, go on the computer check my email and surf the net, play games on Pogo, and watching TV. But some of that is changing. My new year goals are to spend less time on the computer and watching TV. That is a start for me to find something that I can do that is more active and not sit on my behind waste away the day.

My new lifestyle will be me being more active. I am slowly incorporting exercise in my daily routine. Learning new healthy habits. The key to this success is to take it one day at a time so that I can focus on each of my goals so that I am more likely to succeed. Success doesn't happen over night so I am looking at it as I will do this throughout the year and even years after this year.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

MadeFit TV: Motivate and Inspire me

I don't make Resolutions anymore I make goals for the year and I am not a diet I am on a health plan. When I refer the words of resolutions and diet. I have always failed and they are only short term. I am in this for the long run. I am always looking for encouraging words to help me in my weight loss process.


Jennifer DiDonato of MadeFitTV.com. Has been a great inspiration to me in my life and through my weight loss journey. She is one of my weight loss tools that will help me not give up. I am looking to her as a mentor that I can learn from and lead me to the weight I want to be

REMEMBER: DIET'S DON'T WORK!!!!

I come first. Love comes second

A part of me has my feelings in a box that wants to open up and let it all out. I will let them out when the time is right to tell Tom my feelings. I can't really tell him how I really feel now cause in order for me to tell him I need his feelings to come out in the open in order for me to have me tell him how I feel.

When and if will that ever happen. I am focused on me now . My career and weightloss comes first.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

2010 Outlook

It's almost New Years Eve and almost time for 2009 to come to an end.

I have a lot to work an in 2010. Since it's a start of a new dedicade I need to start changing my bad habits. I am gonna focus on them one atva time so that I am able to see my problems and work on it.

I am also gonna try to find a full time temporary job so that I am able to establish myself by saving money to buy a car and move out on my own.

Weightloss is also a big focus for me. I am going to try to keep a food log to track my calories. So I don't go over a certain amout. I made a goal to go to the gym twice a week and workout the rest of the week at home. I have to make the anichitive to stick to my workout plan Jenny made for me. And stick to my goals.


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Some time off

I have given some time off from my business thoughts. I am slowly giving those thoughts back in my thinking.

When I get back into thinking about my business I am more confident that I still want this to happen. I am also confident that I will need the help I need to guide me through out my process.

I am still working on my business plan. I want to work on it a long time then I will have a SCORE mentor to look at it and see what I need help with.

I am writing down a checklist of the things I need to take me to see myself opening my business. Also what supplies I need for my business. From the displays I need to the merchindice I need.


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What I want

I thought that what I wanted to move out to California and start a new life there. I wanted that more than anything but now all I want to focus on is my career. I want to establish myself and move out so I can have a life of my own like my sisters.

I also want to lose weight and weigh 120 pounds. I don't want to worry about finding a job and having to lose a large amount of weight.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Family

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My sister is coming in tomorrow and then at 5 we are going over my aunts and uncles house for dinner and our traditional Christmas Eve. I am excited to see my family. They are what make me happy and and all free. Without having them in my life I wouldn't know where I would be.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Thoughts

I have thought about....
what goes into owning a business.
What legal steps I need to take
What I need for my business
What supplies I need
How to hire employees
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If I want something done I have to do it myself. No one believes in me or encourages me in what makes me happy. All my dreams and goals are kept to myself and a few others know about my dreams. No one that doesn't support me or encourage me then they will have no part in my future.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

The Holiday Week

This week is busy week. My older sister is coming into town on Thursday (Christmas Eve) morning then we are heading to my aunt and uncles for dinner. Then on Friday (Christmas) we are having dinner at my house. On Saturday it's my little cousions 1st birthday, also my little sister is going back home to California. Then on Sunday my mom told me my aunt wants to buy us dinner so I will get to see her and my cousin Joann (my aunts daughter). What a great end of a week. This is why I Iove the holiday's. I love spending time with my family during these times. I cherish these times.

Next week is the end of the year and New Years Eve. My friend Tom had called me a few days ago and called to ask what was I doing for New Years Eve. I had told him nothing. He said something about cooking dinner one day either him or I. I didn't know if he was talking about next week for New Years but I wonder what he has up his sleve.

I just wish he knew what he wanted to do. He keeps on doing the same thing before he went into the seminary.

I can picture marrying him and what life would be like living with him under the same roof. I have grown to love him as a friend and now it's more than a friend.
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Not that person anymore

The thing that pisses me off about my sister is that she thinks she knows me. But she doesn't. She says I eat too much but I don't. She knows the old me but not the new me.

I need to show her I have changed and then I will prove to her I am not that person anymore.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Better than theirs

I know that Tom is in the seminary now but he doesn't look like he takes it seriously. I will wait and see if he goes through it.

I dream that If he doesn't go through with it and he decides to he wants to be more than friends. Then I will tell him I have been waiting for this moment. I will tell him that we we'll need to take it slow and see what that next step is.

I also see myself marrying him and spending the rest if my life with him. Then my ex and his wife will be there. I will have a lot better wedding than theirs.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

I've fallen in love with him

I spent most if the day with Tom and what I realized is that I have fallen in love with him and I have always have been.I kept on denying those feelings cause he's in the semenary studing to become a priest.

He is still flirty with me despite him trying to become a priest. I have been friends with him for 9 years and I have become really good friends with him after I had broken up with my ex.

If it's meant to be then it's meant to be. I don't know what to do but wait and see what comes of our friendship. Is it love for a friend or love for something else.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Hate

My younger sister came into town and the hell has just begun. I hate her. I know its a strong word but its how I feel. She is so mean and some of the time she is ok but most of time she is a total bitch to me. I tried to be nice but I have given up. I am gonna treat her the way she treats me.

She is so negitive towards everything I want to do in life. It will be better if I don't associate myself with her. I don't call her and I am fine with that. I am not close to any of my sisters but that is ok. I want to keep most of my life private. I want to prove to her I can be something in life and I'll be successful one day then she won't have anything to say.

Since she is here until the 26th I don't want to hang out with her.

When I move out I will not talk to anyone until the holidays or special ocations. My life will be better this way. I am in good terms with my sister. I don't afire with her but we don't communicate everyday over the phone but sometimes over the Internet.


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About my worries,doubts, & fears

I was thinking about my doubts and worries and fears.

Doubts: I have doubts about if I will have a successful business and if my ideas will workout like I want them to.

Worries: I worry about if I will be able to become a leader and make the right decisions within my business and if I will hire the right employees. If I will make a good boss. I know there will be times when I will have to do things that I don't want to.

Fears: I fear that my business will not become what I want it and I will not know what to do in diffcult sisuations.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Business Confidence

I have been doing a lot of thinking, researching, and writing. This is giving me a good outlook and the confidence that I need to keep my thoughts in order. It's also getting me excited about wanting me to open my own business.


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Back to Business

I gave my thoughts of owning my own business some time off. I went back today. I am working on my business plan. So far so good. I am making progress.

I am looking for a full time job that will be tempory for me. Once I get a job I will be able to save money, buy a car, and get myself established so that I am working and making a living.

I then can save money for my business. I don't know how much I am gonna need but I have to figure that out. With all the expences I will need to save up for.

The reason I have my doubts is that I have never went through with anything and I don't want to work in retail,fast food, or cleaning business for the rest if my life. I want this to happen and for me to have a career that I love getting up in the morning and making something of myself.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Focus in the NOW

I am losing interest on opening up my own business. I am still giving it a lot of thought. I still need to focus at is important now at this moment and that is Finding a job. It seems that when I am focused at one thing at a time I put all my effort into it. I need to do that with my weight loss. I have to focus on one goal at a time. I have to think about what my prioities are and focus in the #1 top of my list.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Thoughts of Doubt

I still have doubts every now and then so I decided to give it a break and come back to the idea when I am ready. I do have thoughts every now and then but I gotta give it time to register and if I really want to do this. Right now I have to the feeling of that I don't want to do it.

I also thought that do I want to have a job that I go to and I hate just to make money or do I want to have a job that I love waking up in the morning and going to no matter how much it payed.


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This is why America is FAT

There are many food competitions and the size of some food that resturants have is unbelieveable.

Shows like Man vs Food on the Travel Channel. Adam tries to break records that he has to eat a huge amount of food. Don't get me wrong I love watching that show and some of it looks really good but I will never eat that amount of food.

I am training myself and my brain to watch what I eat and how much I eat of it. It's a long hard process that needs to be done.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Conquoring my fears

Losing Weight is all mental to make the effort to eat healthy and exercise. You are theg only one that can do it. No one can do it for you.

You have to make up your mind to want to do it. my fears

I want to workout with a trainer but I'm nervous about working out with one. I don't know why though.

I want to learn to swim so that I will be able to swin to the deep end. I want to be able to go to the deep end and stay up float. By doing this I need swimming lessons. Maybe that will lead to doing a Triathron.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

My new life

A new way of thinking
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If I put the effort into my weight loss as I do my career then I would be successful at that. I am more focused on my career then anything else. I want to become successful. I want to make something of myself.

I am hoping that 2010 will be a year for success. With a full time job, maybe a car, to save money.

2009 wasn't bad for me. It started off good and the ending is good. I have love for GOD, family, and friends. What else more than I need to make me happy. It's the simple things that make me happy.


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More skills to learn

I have been busy getting things in order and organized for my business. I feel confident about starting my own business. I have learned a lot and I know I still have more to learn. I have my basics written out and planned. From what I need for my boutique, my office, etc... It's all the little things that go into it. I have done a lot of thinking and I still have a lot of learning of skills and things to think about.


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10 Year Plan

Within the next 10 years from 2010 - 2020 I hope to establish my own life. To have a full time job, a car, a place of my own, finally weigh 120 pounds. Accomplish a lot of my goals. Finally have a career i am meant to be in life and become successful. To own my own business and have it grow. Find a loving and supportive man who will become my husband, get married by the time I am 34/35. Have children. 4 at the most.


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Hardwork Pays Off

I want success to happen now but in order for me to become a success I need to wait and have time takes it place. I need my vision and ideas to grow and when it has the time to do that I can see my vision come clearer and my dream will become a reality.

I wish I knew where my life will take me but things happen for a reason and where GOD will lead me I will go.

If I not meant to move to California then it's not where GOD is leading me. All I need is ptayer and guideiness from him then I will see what I was meant to be in my life.


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Challenges in my life

There are so many challenges in my life that I need to work on and accomplish those challenges.

I have never gone through anything I had a idea with. It's always been an idea and I never persued any of those ideas that I had. But this time it's different if I want things done my way such as my life I have to depend on myself and not others that discourage me. If I want things done I have to do it myself. That is what I am doing no one is going to stop me.


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Pointing out my Problems

If I want to look better than my ex's wife Amanda ,Bridgett, and Annmarie. I gotta change. I know I said this once before but I gotta get my butt in check and get with the program.

I did start off good but I ended the week not good. I am going back to my ways that I want to change. I am trying to figure out why I can't change these bad old habits. I know it's all mental.
I need to point out my problems and work on those.

Other People can lose weight why can't I . I don't know what my problem is that I can't stick to a program.
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What????

I am so discussed & dissapointed at myself that I have gotten this big. I had a wake up call when I took a picture of my belly. I didn't see myself like this but I am glad I did. I see what everyone else sees. The big picture that is the proof that will get me to change my bad habits.

I will exercise starting Morning. That is my first priory every morning.

I am so pissed that I am lazy and I came to a point where I am giving up and not caring. I make bad decisions and I don't put myself first.

I want to run marathons but it's gonna take a while to do this cause I'm not making effort to get me to that point to where I can get started.


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What inspires me 2 wanna lose weight?

I am sick of being fat. I want to see what thin looks and feels like. I want to be able to wear Victoria Secret underware. I wanna be fit and healthy.

Being fat is not a good feeling and I am sick of this life but why am I not doing something about it. I have a new workout plan that a professional trainer has gave me. It's just hard to stick to something.

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Figuring out my Problems

I just haven't been motivated to working out. I am in the process of figuring out why I am like this. Why I can't get up and exercise like other people can.

It's my lack of motivation and lazyness in me. I gotta figure out
the main reason for this.
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Venting.....

I want to prove to my parents, sisters, and everyone who doesn't believe in me and doesn't support the decisions in my life that will make me happy.

I will show them what I am made of and what I can do without them. I will not tell anyone what I want to do in my life until I can show them I can be successful without them believing in me and supporting what I want to do in my own life. I am the one that makes my own decisions and I will not give up until I can see all my dream become a realately.

I know what I want and I will fight for it. If I want something to happen I gotta do it myself.

The thing that pisses me off is that my mom had told me many times that to be nice to my sisters that I might need them one day cause they make good money and she thinks that they will support me cause I won't ever have a job. How does that make me feel? Well like shit it hurts my feelings that she thinks I'll never be successful in my life. I may not be like them but I will get a job and I'll be a success in that . I will show her that I can accomplish in my life. When she does that I get more determined to want to prove to her that I can make a lot of money.


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Doubting Myself

I am having second thoughts again about owning my own business. I worry about if I do start this then will I be able to understand everything about my business. I need to give it a rest and come back to it later and see if I am still wanting to open my own business.

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Success takes time!!!!

If you're not following your heart,you're living someone elses dream.
- Lyn Christian

This quote is so true. If are always pleaseing others then you aren't making yourself happy.
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* If you can imaige it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. - Williame Author Ward

This is one of my favorites quotes. I know I can turn my dreams into reality and I can become that vision in my dreams.
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Quitters never win, winners never quit. - Vincent Thomas

This is one of my other favorites quotes. I will never quit what I am aiming to achieve the goals in my life. I am a winner and not a quitter.
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Good things come for those who wait.

So true. I keep on reminding myself that now the times aren't going my way but one day my life will start to change and I can see the way I want to live my life.
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Things happen for a reason.

I love this saying. I also keep reminding myself that what doesn't go my way there has to be a reason for it.
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Start small and work your way up.

This is a great quote for everyone who wants to start their own business like I do. In order for a business you have to start small before you can have it grow.
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You have to spend money to make money.

Another great quote for someone who wants to start their own business. I don't remember where I heard this but if you want to have a business to become a success you have to spend some of your money in your business to make money for your business.
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Practice makes perfect.

This speaks for itself.
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Once if you don't succeed try and try again.

If you fail at something don't let that bring you down. You have to try and try until you succeed.
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When you change your mindset you change your life.

I came up with this quote. I wanted to change the way I was thinking cause I hated the way I was thinking about exercising. I have a lazy mind and that turns into a lazy body.
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Wish it,Dream it,Do it

I saw this at my Michigan Rehab office. I don't know who saidvit but I love this quote. It speaks for itself. You have a wish, you dream it, and you do it.
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When I was in 11th grade my choir teacher had a speaker come in and all that I remembered was that he told us that we should have a job that we loved getting up in the morning for and not have a job that pays well and you hate getting up in the morning.

I love that stuck with me fir so long and I can share that with others.

Also what is helping me keep positive is my belief in God and praying every night that he will guide me to my career and what I am meant to do.


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Taking it day by day

I'm slowly cleaning my room and making a few changes in it. I need a little change. I am getting ready for the holidays. I want to feel clean and organized befor the rush takes over me.

I didn't do any cardio today but I am doing my weight training. Chest and arms.


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