There is a difference between quitting,failing,not trying, and giving up

• It's better to fail at something than not to try at all
• Once if you don't succeed try and try again.

I can't give up on trying to succeed on being able to run a marathon and also being a more active person. I want so many new things to happen in my life I want to run Marathons,learn to swim, learn to cook. But first if I want to get to that point I am starting off slow cause my new motto is you gotta learn to walk before you can run..

I believe things happen for a reason and when I find a job that suits me that it'll be the career that was meant for me.

A starting point

I took a walk today and I felt good after a 13 minute walk around the block. I need a good starting point to where I can devlop a routine everyday that has me doing some kind of cardio. I have to block the negitive thoughts that have me thinking that I don't feel like going for a walk. I have to get up and go and I will feel good about it.

I want to see myself reach my goals. Running marathons,learning to swim. In order for me to reach those I gotta learn to walk before I can run.
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Challenges

Through out my Journey I want to conquer some challenges such as FEAR. I have a fear of the deep of the the pool cause I don't know how to swim. I try but it's not good enough. So I will work up to that where I will be able to swim to the deep end.

I want to run marathons and maybe a Triathlon but I have to work up to that point and I have to work hard if I want to see myself achieve these goals that I am setting for myself. These are new changes I am getting excited about.

Walls are up and ready

Last night I was thinking about the walls I put up. I need these walls to help keep my mind off Tom and help me focus on my future. If he decides that the priesthood isn't for him and wants more than a friendship with me then I won't be in the state of Michigan and I will remember what he told me in the car. He told me I wasn't his type so I put up that wall and will no longer flirt with him or have him flirt with me.


Tomorrow morning I have a interview with Fisher and Company. I am hoping to get this job so that I can start working and have 1 less thing to worry about other than finding a job. I can focus on other things.


When I get this job I will see my future of buying my own car and moving to California clearer. I will be able to save money for a car,buy my own healthy grocery's, and give money to my church.


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Goal Weight Reward (Upgraded)

When I reach 120 lbs and remain that weight for a while I will reward myslef with a Professional Photography Session. I was thinking about a better way for me to do this that has me excited. I wanna do it in California, Renting a Limo and getting a California based photographer and going to a nice park and then Beach and some other places recommend by the photographer. I will also buy all new outfits along with a bikini. I will also be getting my hair and make up done by a professional. If I do this I will be paying for it and I will definitely deserve it. This is  a way to help motivated me and help me get more focused on my weight loss.

I Want!!!

All I want right now is to get a full time job, start working, save money to buy a car, buy a car, then start saving to move out.

I want to find my career so that I can start living my life.

I want to lose all this weight and be able to weigh 120 lbs. I don't want to worry about this and finding my career but all I can do now is pray, look for a job, start working and saving money.
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Changes come with Mistakes

So far my changes are doing good. I am taking it day by day and I hope these changes stick. I am feeling good and I need to keep that in mind for me to keep me motivated and keep these changes stick.

What is also helping me is writing down my feelings in this blog and my blog in Sparkpeople. I need to express my feelings to help me know what helps me to keep going. If I don't then I'll be unmotivated and lose my motivation and lose focus.

So I do want to lose weight but my main goal is to get fit and healthy.

I did eat Taco Bell but I did cardio today along with my upperbody. It's gonna take time for me to complety eat heathy but I know I'll get to that point one day it'll take time and a lot of mistakes that I'll learn along the way.
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Making changes stick

If I want to make changes in my life I will focus on that one change and making sure that I do that change everyday. If i don't then I will then try and try again until I do that change and making sure that it will stick.

One change I am doing is not eating animals. I still eat some but it's gonna take a while for me not to eat any. Also I can't eat cheese anymore cause it's to salty for me to eat which is good cause once I eliminate that from what I eat I will see some major weight loss. My taste buds are slowly changing and it's a good thing. I will see food in a different way like fast food doen't appeal to me anymore and the good and healthy foods look good.

It's up to me

No one can make me lose the weight but me. I am the only one that can make the change I want to see.

L.B.D (Little Black Dress)

If I want to buy a L.B.D  (Little Black Dress) I need to take action and in order for me to run a 5K race I need to wake up and start walking before I start running to build up my stamina.

Billy Ashley’s Twice-Baked Potatoes

Ingredients: (makes 2 potatoes)
- 2 large size baking potatoes
- 1 onion (I prefer yellow onions)
- Philadelphia Onion & Chive Cream Cheese (8 oz tub)
- A few tablespoons of half & half
-Stick of butter
- 4-6 slices of bacon
- Salt/Pepper   
* For a lower fat version, substitute olive oil for bacon grease and skim or lower fat milk for half & half

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 450 degrees
• Wrap potatoes in tin foil.
• Put potatoes in oven for approximately an hour until the potatoes are just about done. To test this, stick a fork in the potato and if you can get the fork all the way in easily, that’s where you want them.
• Unwrap the potatoes from the tinfoil. Keeping the oven at 450 degrees, put the potatoes back in oven and keep an eye on them until the skin is crispy/crunchy. To test this, poke the potato with your finger and if the skin feels crispy, it’s done.
• Take the potatoes out of the oven and cut them open down the middle so you can scoop out the filling. Keep potato skins on a plate nearby.
• Scoop out the both potatoes’ filling with a large spoon and put in a large bowl. Mix a “splash” of half and half (more or less depending on what texture you like), tub of cream cheese and a pinch of salt and pepper until potatoes are a creamy, mashed-potato-like texture.
• Put filling back into potato skins and set them to the side to cool a bit. Now it’s time to make the bacon and onions!
• Fry bacon in a large pan and leave the bacon grease to fry the onions in. Once bacon cools, crush them into bacon bits and set aside.
• Dice onion and caramelize in bacon grease so the onions are golden brown with a crispy texture. You can use a strainer or paper towel to get rid of some of the bacon grease from the onions.  Set onions aside to use right before serving.
• Sprinkle bacon bits on top of potatoes.
• Cube butter into quarter inch squares and stick 2 cubes into potatoes (while doing so you might push the bacon bits into the potato, which is intentional).
• Put the potatoes back into the oven at 450 degrees (or at broil if you need them done more quickly.)  At this point, be sure to keep an eye on the potatoes, so they don’t burn! When the top of the potato filling starts to brown on top, take them out.
• Let the potatoes cool for a few minutes then put a tablespoon or so of the caramelized onions on top right before serving.

Gotta learn to Walk before you can Run

My new motto is Gotta learn to Walk before you can Run. In order for me to run a 5K or a Marathon I gotta build up my stamina so that I am able to start running. So as a beginner I am walking for a short distance so that I am able to  get used to walking and lose some weight before I can really build enough stamina to start running. I have to make sure I am consistent and I walk everyday the same route I walked today.

Today I needed to clear my head so I put on my workout clothes and went for a walk and when I got home I felt great. I gotta start somewhere and tomorrow I am hoping that I will be able to get up and go for a walk but I am going with Jenny for a photo session of her. It's for fun and one of my hobbies.

What is helping me

So far I am trying to focus on becoming a Vegertaian. Also writing in my blog and writing in my journal is helping me focus to be in the health/fitness state of mind.

Since I don't cook that much and want to cook more I am researching how I can cook healthy foods for a week. I am putting together things that will help me with my weight loss such as weight loss tools.

These small steps will become big changes in my life and now if only I can make them stick and keep my focus then I'll be in business.


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Dear Christina

Since you first came out with Genie in a bottle I instantly become a fan of yours. I have all your CD’s and went to all of your concerts except for one. You are the only one I will see in concert. The reason I am writing you this letter is because you are such a huge inspiration to me. You have a voice of an angel and you put on one hell of a concert.

No matter how many times you transform yourself you will always be beautiful.

Your CD Striped had helped me a lot. I had went through a break up and that CD helped put me in a place to where I could have the motivation to move on. Every time someone tells me I can’t do something I put on your Stripped CD and listen to Soar and also Keep Singing  my Song. For me those two songs mean a lot to me. They get me through the tough times.

#2: My own business - Maid Service Owner

I have been thinking about it and I am not interested anymore. It was a idea and now that my heart doesn't want to do it anymore. What my career will be I am still thinking about it.

Personal Trainer

I had gotten unmotivated to working out and so then recently I was watching the Biggest Loser was thinking about if a Personal Trainer would help me and would I be committed to working out with one. I don't really commit to anything for a long period of time. I remembered a podcast called Brides Made Fit. and I went to it and started watching and that made me motivated to wot king out again..

When it all comes down to it

When it all comes down to it about me thinking about owning my own business it's all ideas. I really want to move out to California. When ever I am thinking about what my life would be like if I were to move and live the California lifestyle. Yes I know it's expensive to live there but once I get a job I will be able to save money to move to move out there.


I need a new start in my life and moving to California is what I want. I am happy when I am there to visit. There is so much to see and do and so many new experiences for me to experience.


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Vaniqa - Prescription cream clinically proven to reduce unwanted facial hair

Vegetarian Starter Kit

I actually got a Vegetarian Starter Kit from Peta in the mail today. I am gonna try it and see how it goes. I did it before but only for a day.

What is stopping me?

I have gone to a whole time low. I am not caring no matte how hard I want to be in the fitness mind. I just can't do it anymore. Maybe I am giving up but trying so hard to get back on the wagon.

Scattered Brained/Confused/Can't think straight

My thoughts are so scattered. I can't think straight. It's driving me insane. I have to figure out a way to get my thoughts in order and figure out what I want and what I want to do.

Here is what I am working with:

• Getting a job.
• Thinking about my future. if I want to own my own business.
• Thinking about what I need to do to get things started.
• If I own my own business I would have to stay here in Michigan.
• I still want to move out to California.
  

My Plan

I know what I have to do to make things happen.

1. Get a job: Being able to buy my own healthy groceries.
2. Cooking at home: Not going out to eat everyday.
3. Hiring a Personal Trainer:
   

#1: My own business - Bridal Boutique Owner

I love weddings and have gone to many weddings. I may want to open my own Bridal Boutique. My cousin Janae's friend owned one but she sold hers and then that business went out of business. If I open one I  want my business to be different. It's not only gonna be a bridal boutique where you can buy accessories but check out reviews on Vendors. It's gonna be a all in one shop. Vendors can come and promote their business to brides to be but they will have to pay a fee. Brides can see and wriete their own reviews on vendors. I will also get the chance to work with these vendors. The closest business I have seen to this is The Bridal Bar that is located in California and Atlanta I have costumer service and know how to deal with them But first I need to see if anyone is hiring so that I can get some experience in the bridal field.

Jennifer DiDonato and Made Fit TV

I  am pointing out all my problems in my weight loss struggle. I am doing this cause I have come to a point in my life where things need to start happening and changing. This is making me aware of my problems and I need to figure out a way to solve and fix these in my life. I am choosing bad choices and not focusing on what really matters 

I love watching the Biggest Loser to help make me see things I can't see and also to help motivate me. I have found out I have a local motivator that it helping me get back into the fitness state of mind. Her name is Jennifer DiDonato. She is from Sterling Heights. The first time I heard about her is when I was watching the Sterling Heights News. It's a local news show here where I live. I saw a segment about her and her company called Brides Made Fit. Even though I wasn't a Bride to be. I went to check it out and there was a lot of helpful information on fitness. Then I got distracted and forgot about it until I recently wanted to be in the fitness mind set again, so I remembered that she had a blog and now I am hooked and gonna be tuning in every Saturday at noon for her live podcast. She talks about various fitness stuff
and some recipes. She also has Made Fit which is for everyone. You should check it out at http://www.madefittv.com 

Going Green: Saving Money and the Planet

There are few things that I am doing to save Money and the Planet. I keep the lights off as much as possible. Such as during the day when I go to the bathroom I keep the lights off. Also when I am taking a shower I keep the lights off. I am used to taking a shower in the dark. I sometimes will have candles but mostly it's in the dark. I prefer it this way. I also keep all the lights off in the house.The only thing is on is either the computer or the TV.

Baby Dream

I had a dream last night that I had a baby girl. She was the cutest thing . I named her Jordan, The crazy thing is that I seen my ex in my dream I was thinking that he might of been the father.


Here is what drammoods.com says: To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings.  Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted.
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Then another part of the dream was I was breastfeeding her.


Here is what drammoods.com says:Breastfeeding- To dream that you are breast feeding, symbolizes tenderness, love, nurturance, and motherly love. Good things will be at your grasp. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to be careful in who you confide in.

Nursing -  To see someone nursing or dream that you are nursing, suggests that you are nurturing a hidden aspect of yourself.
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 I hope this is a sign from God that I do have a new beginning in my life. I pray ever night that I am able to star seeing my new life take place.

Testing new iPhone application

This is totally cool. I am blogging from my iPhone in my room. This is cool.

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Brownies

1 cup of butter
2 cups of sugar
¾ cups of Cocoa
½ cup for dusting
4 eggs
1 tsp of Vanilla extract
1 ¼ cup flour
1/c tsp of salt

Rub a tiny bit of water on the inside of a jelly-roll pan (10x14), then line it with the wax paper. The water will help the  wax paper adhere to the pan. Butter the pan and Preheat oven to 340 Degrees

Melt butter. In a mixing bowl stir ¾ cup of cocoa and the sugar together , stir in melted butter. Add eggs and Vanilla and stir again. Add flour, salt and mix until smooth.

Spread the mixture evenly in the pan. Bake at 340 degrees for about 30-35 minutes or until brownies  pull away from the sides of the pan. Let cool before cutting.
 
Put the ½ cup of cocoa power in a bowl and dip the top of the brownies in it.

Chocolate Molten Cakes

4 squares BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Baking Chocolate
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1 cup powdered sugar
2 eggs
2 egg yolks
6 Tbsp. flour
1/2 cup thawed COOL WHIP Whipped Topping

PREHEAT oven to 425°F. Butter four 3/4-cup custard cups or soufflé dishes. Place on baking sheet.

MICROWAVE chocolate and butter in large microwaveable bowl on HIGH 1 min. or until butter is melted. Stir with wire whisk until chocolate is completely melted. Stir in sugar until well blended. Blend in eggs and egg yolks with wire whisk. Stir in flour. Divide batter among prepared custard cups.

BAKE 13 to 14 min. or until sides are firm but centers are soft. Let stand 1 min. Carefully run small knife around cakes to loosen. Invert cakes onto dessert dishes. Serve immediately, topped with whipped topping.

Seven Layer Dip

Layer in 9x12 glass dish
Layer 1 – 2 cans Refried beans (or 1 32oz)
Layer 2 – 3 mashed avocados, 2T lemon juice, S&P to taste (or 2 things of guac)
Layer 3 – 1 c sour cream, ½ c mayo, ½ pkg Taco Mix > mixed well
Layer 4 – 1 bunch green onions, chopped
Layer 5 - 3 tomatoes, chopped
Layer 6 - 1 can of black olives, chopped  (or trader joe's salsa from the fridge section, drained in place of 4-6)
Layer 7 – 8 oz shredded cheddar cheese

Serve with taco chips.

Cheesy Potatoes

- 1 Bag Frozen Hashbrowns
- Chopped Onion (to your liking - sometimes I use the frozen ones, maybe about a cup)
- 1 stick melted butter
- 1 can Cream of Chicken soup
- 8 oz Sour Cream
- A bag of shredded cheddar cheese (the recipe calls for I think 2 cups but I always throw in way more)
- salt and pepper to taste
- Crushed potato chips or corn flakes

Mix everything together except corn flakes/potato chips in a 9x13 pan. Cover with the crushed potato chips/corn flakes and cook for about an 45 minutes to an hour at 350 degrees.

TACO BAKE

1 lb. ground round
1 package taco seasoning
15 oz. can tomato sauce
8 oz. seashell pasta
8 oz package cream cheese (softened in microwave)
1/2 c. sour cream
8 oz. shredded sharp cheddar cheese

Brown ground beef, drain. Add taco seasoning and tomato sauce. Bring to a boil and then simmer for 20 minutes.

In the meantime, cook pasta according to directions. Drain. Mix softened cream cheese and sour cream in separate bowl.

Spray bottom of 9 x 13 pan with Pam. Put pasta in bottom of pan. Spread cream cheese mixture over pasta. (This is kind of hard to do. Just dollop spoonfuls of the mixture about an inch apart and spread the best you can.) Spoon ground beef mixture over this. Sprinkle shredded cheese on top.

Bake @ 350 for 30 minutes. Cool about 15 - 20 minutes before serving.

Alcoholic Beverages to try

Moet & Chandon Champagne
Patrón Tequila
Sparkling Nuvo
Cîroc Vodka
Chocovine Chocolate Wine - Europa Choco Vine
Tequilla Rose

Day Five 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

Today was a better day. I didn't do all that bad.  I didn't write in my food log or exericse. I feel like I am slipping but I need to keep focus until I am doing a routine of keeping a food log and exercising.

Day Four: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

Today was not a very good day. I didn't eat good and I did take my daily pills. I am gonna have more of these days I am sure of it but I have to keep going cause tomorrow is a new day to kick myself back up again.

Opening my eyes more: No more KFC

A few years ago when I saw the PETA videos I wanted to become a vegetarian I tried it for a few days and I couldn't do it. There is a lot of animals I don't eat such as deer,rabbit,duck. Recently not it's beef. After watching a video that Pamela Anderson was explaining how KFC treats the chickens it opened my eyes more than ever. If you ever want to see a video on the PETA website I will warn you now it's very hard to watch if you have a heart for animals like I do. Watching some of those videos have made me more aware of the foods I eat such as KFC. I can't eat taco Bell cause it does numbers to my stomach.. Then a few days ago I was watching The Dr.'s and they hasd a seqment about how much fat there is in a hamburger and I will not eat a fast food hamburger anymore. I need to keep my eyes more open so that I can keep with this and this isn't a one day fad for me that I get interested and lose interest the next day. I will also not eat bacon anymore. I'm working on not eating pork anymore cause I am picturing the cute little piglet being butchered.

Another Problem that needs to be solved.

I am not a cook and don't cook on a regular basics. I'm having a hard time thinking of healthy meals to prepare. I do go grocery shopping every once and a while but all I mostly get is Whole Wheat Bread,Skinless chicken,etc... I can't think of options on how to prepare good healthy meals. I am also looking for healthy breakfast meals. I am sick of making myself egg sandwiches and eating cereal.


I want to be able to make healthy meals and set aside portions through out my day. I seen The Biggest Loser say that it will help you lose the weight.

Day Three: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

Well I got up with my regular routine. As soon as I went to the bathroom I stepped on the scale and I lost 3 lbs. After the night I had last night. I kept on going to the bathroom and pooping but this wasn't the regular poop it was worst. I am not gonna say but you can think what is worst than # 2.  I feel a lot better today, I ate breakfast and took my vitamin and around 11:30 I'll take the first of the 2 Quick Trims for today.

Day Two: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

This has been a ok day. I did cheat at the end of my day by having a little slice of pie. I am pushing myself and I am focused. I am writing in my food log, drinking a lot of water, more than I need. It's getting easier for me to track what I eat if I just eat at home and avoid going out to eat and not eating at fast food. I have been doing good about avoiding this. I can't go out to eat for a while, not until I have everything under control and that is going to take a long time.

New habits to advoid the bad

Portion Control is a big problem in my diet so I am hoping to fix this slowly so that I can have them stick.

Trying to figure it out

In my heart and deep down I know what the answer to my question is about Tom. Well tonight he called, I answered and I said hello and he said hi baby baby cakes. My feelings for him are getting stronger and I feel he may be the one but right now wants to be a priest. I pray to ask for a sign to have him out of my mid so that I can stop thinking about him. But by the sound of how he is with me is that he won't survive the seminary. He still does things that if he wasn't in the Seminary.

Let's say if this doesn't work out for him and we were a couple I can see myself marring him. My feelings are even stronger knowing I don't know what is gonna happen in the future. I am still confused and trying to figure it out. How can I not if keeps on giving me these signs that he likes me. When he is still wanting to become a priest.

Journey ot a Marathon

I still want to run a marathon one day but I have to start small like run a few 5K's and so on. When I get a job and I am able to join the Team in Training team then I will be able to train for a Half-Marathon. Also when I am fit and able to do a circuit training workout with a personal trainer to kick my butt into shape hardcore. I have to work my way up to it.

Day One: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse #2

Today has been a good day. I ate good and took my Quick Trim for the day until I go to bed. have been going to the bathroom a lot which is good cause my system is being flushed out. I am not eating past 8:00 p.m. anymore. That is gonna be one of my new life habits. I will eat before 8 and nothing after. Oprah and Khole of what I read do this. I drink a lot of water today. More than 8 glasses. I am feeling a little lighter since I have been going to the bathroom a lot.

Losing weight has 2 meaning. The fist one when I goggled it was eating healthy and exercising and there is the other side to it. of how does the body lose wight the weight is by going to the bathroom by peeing or pooping.

I am looking into weight loss tools such as food scales and the Fit & Fresh food storage containers. I was looking through Sparkpeople and they have 4 different kinds of food storage containers. The Fit & Fresh Smart Portion Lunch Kit/Fit & Fresh Meal on the Go Combo Kit/Fit & Fresh Smart Portion Prep Kit/Fit & Fresh Gourmet Cuisine Kit. This is something I need to help me with my portion control.

I also started keeping a food log. I haven't worked out yet but I will do some weight training as soon as I get off. I am gonna be focusing on my upper body. No cardio yet cause I am taking it slow so that I don't give up.

Day One: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

This is day one of my new health plan and I took my first 2 pills of Quick Trim Iso Burn. I am drinking lots of water. I also took my One-A-Day Vitamin as usual. I have a positive mind and I am confident if I take it one day at a time I will stay on the wagon. I still have to exercise do 30 minutes of cardio and weight training and I have 2 more Quick Trim Iso Burn pills to take and before bed time I have 4 Iso Cleanse pills.

No more Diets. Now it's a Health Plan.

I start my new health plan on Monday. Got my Quick Trim 14 day cleanse and Extreme Burn from GNC. Now for 3 days I have to get ready for my new life by watching what I eat and start exercising on a daily basics. I am confident that I can stick to this new lifestyle. I just have to take it one day at a time and put a lot of focus in starting my new lifestyle. I can't give up.

Wake up Call

I was watching The Dr.'s this morning and I got a wake up call. I saw how much fat there is in cheeseburger and all I have to say is that I have to remind myself of what I saw this morning. I am starting to give up on fast food like Taco Bell. I have to stop eating processed cheese. It's makes stuff taste better but when I had Veggie slices it was the same and I lost weight.

Instead of using butter at home I use Smart Balance Onega 3. It's healthy for the heart and better for my health. Then for yogurt I have Yoplait. To curb my craving I chew Extra Sugar free gum. The Spearmint is my favorite. I am taking small steps to end my bad habits and that will lead to bigger changes.

Stopping the excuses

Queen Latifah,Monique, Kelly Osborn,Beth Chapman. These woman have all lose weight. They are all skinny. Why can't I do this and I can't. I don't know what my problem is that I can't be focused on eating healthy and exercise. I can't figure out what is stopping me from focusing on my health. If my problem is my laziness then I have to figure out what I can do I change this.
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Diet Pills

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I have used many different kind of products in the past and the one that has worked for me was Hydroxycut and now I am about to get Quick Trim which is a product that Kim and Khloe Kardashian used to lose weight. I wanna see if this will be something that I like and I can use on a daily basics. I know Khloe also exercised for 45 minutes, 5 days a week. I am on the other hand is going to take it slow and try and see if I can be committed to working out and eating healthy. I have to make the effort and quit with the BS excuses I keep telling myself.

What will Week 2 bring me?

I have been getting a lot of physical activity in. Exercise and moving around. Last week was a bad week but I am hoping that this coming week is better. I have a craving for sweets and I am trying to fight it. Since there is no sweets in the house I can't eat anything. This is like torture but I know I can fight it and let it pass. I gotta keep telling my self that I don't need it and hoping that will stick in my brain.

I need to focus on what I eat and track that and stay between my calories I need for the day which is 16oo calories and get in physical activity weather it be walking in my neighborhood,going to the gym and also I need to get in weight training.

California Scale

On a scale of 1 to 10 on how happy when I visit my sister in California is definitively be a 10. On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy I am here living in Michigan is a 7. I don't know what I would rate living there but I will when I move there in the near future then I will be able to rate it.

I am open to new things in my life and moving to California will have to be the place for me.

The wrong way

A while back Tom had told me that he doesn't have feelings like I do for him. I don't remember what he excatly said but meaning is that He doesn't like me in a why I like him but he doesn't know that. When he told me that I said yeah I like you as a friend. But what I don't get is that before he went into the seminary he would flirt with me but maybe I took it the wrong way. I am trying not to think about him cause knowing that he is gonna be a priest I know I don't have to think about me hooking up with him.

Digital Food Scale

I need to buy a digital food scale to help me with my portion control. It's gonna be hard to get into the habit of eating the proper portions. I bought a calorie book and now all I need is to take things slow and and focus and write down when I eat and track my calories,fat grams, etc... I also am starting back to drinking my 8 glass of water.

It's a start......Small steps

I don't get it. I seen Tom yesterday it's like he is hardly changing. I still have feeling for him that I gotta stop. I gotta focus on my Career. That and my weight loss are #1.

Well I didn't do what I wanted to do today but I did my upper body. I did biceps,triceps,butterflies, Shoulders, and abs. I forget to write in my food journal and I stayed up late last night and eat bad but at least I am making a little change by exercise. I know that I don't have a boyfriend and I am not engaged I have the thought in my mind of not being a fat bride or to put it in nicer terms a plus size bride. I want to be able to walk into any store and not think about my size. I hope once I start to lose weight that my feet will get thinner there are a lot of cute shoes I like and would like to get and can't cause of my wide feet.

My Journey to my first Marathon

You gotta learn to walk before you can run. Meaning that I have to start small by walking to build my endurance so that I am able to jog and then being able to run for a long period of time. This isn't a new goal of mine. I want to start to run a 5k then step it up to a half Marathon and run a full marathon. It's going to take a lot of hard work but I have to focus and put my mind to it.

Well this coming week is my first week of starting a new routine and my plan for this week is to start off walking for 15 minutes on Monday then on Tuesday rest/weights,Wednesday is 3o minutes, Thursday rest/weights, Friday 30 minutes, Saturday and Sunday is rest/weights. This is a simple plan that will get me started

Along with walking I have to start eating healthy.I am trying to find a way to start but every time I do I fail. So my bad habits of being lazy and not exercising and horrible eating habits are hard to break. I gotta find a way of fixing these and not having them come back again in while I know they will.

Game Time

Well on Saturday, September 12 is my yearly trip to the Big House. I am excited. This is another thing that makes me happy. I don't know how many times I ahve been to a game but I do know my first game was when my older sister was in college there. Now it's going through a change with is still being the largest stadium in the NCAA. There is not a greater feeling of being in the big house and cheering on the Wolverines. Last year I was at the Utah game and a woman was going to her seat and she was amazed and said "This is the Big House" and I was thinking hell yeah and even though Michigan didn't have a good year last year this year is going to a good start with a win against Western Michigan. GO BLUE!!!!
i've been going since

Making the effort

I got a wake up call today when I went to Cranbrook for a walk with my friend Jenny. We went from garden to garden and I was out of breath and it was hard for me to walk after a while and also how out of shape I am. Now I need to get myself in gear and wake up, have breakfast and go for a walk for 15 minutes. I need to set a routine so that I can follow it every day and make a EFFORT to stick to a plan and lose this weight. I don't know what my problem is. Why can I follow through at something (such as weight loss) and finally lose this weight. I hope I can find a way to stop this cycle of thinking and just get to a plan that will work.

My $230,000 Dream

A couple nights ago I had a dream that I was at a casino and I won $230,000 and so I looked it up a few seconds ago and here is what is says on dreammoods.com....

Money
~~~~~~~
To see or win money in your dream, indicates that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money may represent confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself. Alternatively, dreaming about money, refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart. It is frequently a symbol for sexuality and power.

Casino
~~~~~~~
To dream that you are in a casino, signifies the risk-taker within you. If you are a reserved or passive person, then the dream suggests that you should take a chance. If you are not, then it implies that you need to make a more informed decision instead of relying on fate.

Add on

I also don't have a have a regular daily routine. I get up at different times and eat at different times. It's hard to develop a routine. I need to get up early, eat a helathy breakfast,exercise and keep active through out the day.

I am finding out my problem spots and I have to find ways to eliminate them from my life.

Diets

I am gonna look in the Raw Food Diet and also other healthy diets that look appealing to me. I hate eating the way I do everyday. Unhealthy and boring.

I am now on Twitter

So I gave in and signed up today for Twitter. Why? I don't know. I am gonna try it out and see if I like it. If I don't then I will either leave it alone or delete it.

I am starting to get my mind into Health/Fitness mode. I wanna workout and take my first step and start walking around the my neighborhood. I just can't get started. I know I have to put my mid to it and start walking when I don't want to and maybe that will start me up again.

I have been on this Journey on this Diet wagon for a long time. Since I was 7 and that is been a long time and I just want to finally end this journey and start a new one by Maintaining the weight I want to be at but now this wagon has just stopped and didn't wanna go anywhere.

I also have been thinking that when I get married I don't want to be a fat bride. I want to look good in my pictures. I don't know when that will be but I gotta start NOW.

Carbs

Michigan Stadium: The Big House

Dream

Dream. I love to dream about my futue how it's gonna be. What Career I am gonna end up having to when I am gonna get married and how many kids I will have and if I will ever make it to California. All I can do now is dream and one day I will come to see these things.

Nutritionist and Personal Trainer

I wish I had the money for a Nutritionist and Personal Trainer. I was thinking about this and maybe it will help me but the thing is that I won't be able to stick to what ever they throw at me. Like eating healthy and sticking to a exercise routine maybe the reason I failed at this is that I have tired to do it on my own and I don't stick with it for either a day or 2 weeks.

If I do decide to go with these and try them out I have to be dedicated to sticking with a program. I also have to be able to afford it too.

I don't want to be fat anymore

Tom called me on my sell and left a message and apologized and said that he didn't know that he hung up on me and he didn't want any bad feelings between us. I just need a few days to calm down before I call him and talk to him again.

I was thinking about when I get married. I don't want to be a fat bride. I want to be able to look great in my dress. I saw how my ex's wife Amanda looked in hers and I don't want to look like that. My wedding will be a lot better than hers. I will have top notch Vendors. My dress will be a lot nice and expensive than hers.

I don't want to be fat anymore. My mom told me that I shouldn't have red meat anymore. It's bad for my health and also she told me she doesn't want me to have a heart attack and die. She was walking behind me as we were coming out of MGM Casino and told me that if my back side looked like my front meaning my backside is thinner than my front. All my weight is mostly in my belly. I need to lose that and fat on my legs, arms, and my neck (buffalo hump). I hate my buffalo hump that my mom referrals to as a camel hump. I also hope my feet will get thinner as I lose the weight. I am a 8 1/2 wide width. I want to wear all these cute high heel shoes but my feet are so damn wide.

I also can not wait until I am able to lose all this weight and have a photo session with a new body and a new wardrobe with some cute outfits. I am still looking into photographers. I have a few in mind. The money isn't a issue. I just want some kick ass looking photos. It's been a long time since I had a professional picture done. The last time was when I was in high school and that was 11 years a

He left today

Tom left for the Seminary today. I got pissed at him last night cause he hung up on me for no reason at all. He got pissed at me cause I didn't call him to tell him that I wasn't coming over. Then he hung up on me. I don't need to deal with that now. I just hope he sees this through for 6 years and becomes a priest.

Late NIght Blogging

Well Tom called me late at night and it's been a while since he has done this. He is leaving for the Seminary on Wednesday. I told him I would pray that he makes it but something in me makes me think that he won't make it through but I pray that he will and he will become a priest.

I can't stop thinking about when I get married. I am not even sure who I will marry. All I know is that it will be better than my ex's and my friend's Sarah's wedding. I will write more tomorrow.

I'm going to is better than wanting

I was thinking last night that I was always saying that I want to move to California when I should be saying I am going to move to California with in the next few years. As soon as I start a job and save enough money for rent and to buy any supplies I will need for my apartment.

I am hoping that I can find a job soon so that I am able to save enough money early and I am closer to moving to California.

Food :Log

I have a hard time keeping track of what I eat. I hate logging the calories/fat grams/carbs. I watch my sodium intake> I gotta get in the habit of drinking 8 glasses of water again.

I gotta discipline myself and resist the temptations of the bad foods. I am gonna write down what fruits and veggies I like.

I can't get myself motivated

I am the only one that can change me and do something about it. But I can't get into the habit of being more active. I want to get into running but I hear so many things about you need to start off but walking then run a minute but then I heard that I need to start getting in to routine of just walking a treadmill and then build up my endurance into jogging then start running. I know that I will quit of I start off with just trying to run. I want to run Marathons for Charity and sign up for the Team in Training. I am so confused. I don't know who to listen to and where to start up again. When I was younger it was easy for me to get back on the diet wagon and now it's harder and I just can't get myself to get back on. I want and need to be more active. It's better said then done and I need to start somewhere. I heard that you need to start even when you don't even feel like it. I can't get myself motivated.


I also need to discipline myself. I want to eat healthier. I am not giving up carbs and cheese right away. I need to slowly limit how much I eat of both.

Motivation

Today's Horoscope

Your mind could be on service to others today, Kristine. You've been doing very well for yourself, and therefore you might be thinking in terms of sharing your good fortune in some way. A friend may have some ideas for groups that you both could get involved with. Make sure before you commit to anything that you really want to do it. You won't want to be entrusted with a cause, and then let others down. Be certain!

Taco Bell

I can no longer eat Taco Bell anymore. IT does agree with my stomach and it doesn't taste good anymore. This is a good thing cause this is one less junk fast food place I don't have to go.

Love is on my mind

Horoscope for today

Love is probably on your mind for most of the day, Kristine, so give your heart the full attention that it desires. It could be that you are having trouble communicating with a loved one right now, so try to be patient. It is one of those situations in which you are trying to pass someone on the sidewalk and as you move left, the other person moves right. If you move right, the other person moves left. Each time you bump into each other head on. Let the other person make the first move.

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Love has always been on my minf. I want to be and feel loved. I am just waiting for that time when I will be the right guy that will come into my life and love me for me.

Green Tea

I am getting sick of always drinking water but I know that I need my water but I found a way to get my water and also get more healthier. I love Green Tea so I will boil water and add 4 tea bags and cool it then I will add 2 packets Splenda to sweeten it up. I need 3 cups a day to get in the health benefits I need to keep me healthy.

Support

Well I am so glad to have support in my weight loss journey. I used to have 2 gyms and soon I will only have one. I signed up for LA Fitness cause it was new and it had up to date equipment. Well I just canceled that. My older sister used to being but she is canceled hers a long time ago. I have thought about it and I hardly ever go and its a waste of money. So now I can have peace of mind knowing I don't have to pay for something I am not using anymore. I don't like Fitness USA but since I have been a member for a long time it's a lot cheaper than LA Fitness.

Pushing Myself to Change Myself

I need to push myself to workout so that I can start exercising Once I start getting into it I will hopefully be motivated into workout a lot more often.

Mt old classmate almost lost 50 lbs and now she is a lot skinner than me. I keep asking myself "What is wrong with me, why can't I stick to something for more then a couple of months". I am pissed at myself for doing this through out my life. I need to break my habit and start getting serious about my weightless and stop kidding myself. I am 30 years old and as I get older I want it's gonna be a lot harder for me to lose this weight. I know this is my decision and what I am deciding now is to slowly change my habits from my bad eating to my laziness and now I have to Eat healthier and be more active in my life. That is a change that I will slowly get myself into.

berry yogurt parfaits

one small tub of yogurt
Plus 1 cup of granola
1 cup of berries
a little bit of honey mixed in.

They say when you don't have junk food in the house then you are less likely to eat it. Well in my case I still live with my parents and unemployed. When I do get a job I will save money to go grocery shopping for myself so that I can cook for myself and have it be healthy. It will also save money.

I have to weigh in next week on the 20th and then again on the 31st. I know that I won't win the competition against my mom but I still have a few more weeks to at least lose a little.

Tomorrow is a new Day

Tomorrow is a new day to start a new healthy lifestyle. I need to become more active. depends on the weather if its' not too hot, I wanna go on a walk for at least 15 minutes. I need to clear my head and start fresh but I know that little thing inside my head in gonna say ahh I don't feel like it I'll go later or tomorrow. I don't know what it is but it usee to be easy for me to go back on track but sice I got older and a lot of failure in my past has gotten me to this pint and that voice that popped into my head discouraging me chagne my lifestyle.

I need to find a way to get rid of that little voice that is no good in my wanting to change my life.
I also have to TRY and not give up so easy. I am 30 and I need to start this again and stick with it. I have to give up the excues and start taking care of myself.

Longest application process ever

I just filled out a very long job application for Henry Ford Hospital where my friend Jenny Works. I am hoping that I can get a interview there and be able to get a job where she works. It'll also be nice to start working again and start making money. The job is for Environmental Services Assistant -contingent/days position. It is a 8 hour job but I don't know if it's full time. I hope since I do have experince in it that I will have my application looked at first. It doesn't say how much it pays but I hope it's between 10 to 12 dollars.

Complete Description - Summary

Cleans, disinfects, and/or polished a variety of items within an assigned area through use of various equipment, specified antiseptic solutions, and detergents. May sweep floors, scrub tubs and toilets, polish fixtures, empty refuse containers, and the like in accordance with established policies, procedures, and guidelines. Maintains cleaning products, supplies, carts, and equipment in clean and orderly fashion. Performs routine maintenance on equipment notifying manager of damage or major repairs. Returns unused supplies to storage area. Prepares patient rooms by removing and replacing soiled linens, disposing of refuse, making beds, and rehanging curtains. Inspects and ensures patient rooms are clean, appropriately stocked, and neatly arranged.

Going up and down like a Yo-Yo

I am getting sick and tired of losing and gaining weight. Why can't I just lose the weight and keep it off. I finally want to see my goal weight and live my life with out the worry about me looking the way I do.

I want my portrait session with either The Shooting Gallery or Arising Images. I don't know yet. I want this so that its gonna be a new look and I need good and professional pictures to show off my new body.

Organize my Life

I am trying to clean up my life. Starting with my room and the clutter that I have through out the years. I need to organize my life. I need to call Sarah and she needs to start helping me with finding a job. I also have been looking for a car too. I also have been thinking about my future wedding from where I want my reception venue to be.

I am hoping that I can get a job soon. I need to start making money and saving money to move out. I am either gonna get a apartment here in Michigan or save enough for California.

New Outlook on the Food I used to eat

A couple of years ago I was watching You Are What You Eat on the BBC. The women on that show told these girls what they put in a hot dog and after that I am staying away from hot dogs. I will also not eat Duck/rabbit/Venison (Deer)/Calfs (Baby Cow) and now bacon (Pig-Pork Belly). Ewww I will not touch that stuff anymore. I was watching Hows its made and they both had Bacon and Hot Dogs. I am so glad I saw that and now I know I don't need that in my body.

Then fast Food. I can not eat Taco Bell anymore. My stomach does not agree with it. So I guess me not eating these food is a good thing. The less I eat the better it is for my health. I am taking this eating healthy step my step cause I know if I do it I will end up giving up.

As I came back from Cali. I have been craving Thai Food (Pad Thai)/Sweets/ and Avocados or guacamole. No I am not pregnant. These seem like some what of a healthy change except for the sweets. I have a huge sweet tooth.

I am trying to change my eating habits and not eat beef anymore. I still eat chicken but I wanna be a Vegetarian one day. I love animals and I need to elimate beef and pork. The cute cows and pigs. These small little changes but I am getting closer to being a Vegetarian.

Good News

Well I can't believe that I leave tomorrow and I am almost packed and ready to leave. I happy and excited that I am going. I haven't been to California in a year and I haven't seen Angie and Tricia in a while an not to mention Lola. I miss seeing her anf playing arond with her.

Then Tom called me and told me some good news. He got in the Seminary. I have been praying for him and I hope he sticks with this and this is his calling. With all that aside I can forget about him and I hooking up. I will be looking for love in California so that I have a better chance of moving there.

Weigh in Day

Today is my weigh in and I saw a good number. 256. Yes I am excited. I used to be 263 and now I am 256. I am amazed that I am back in the 250's again. Then I am in a competition with my mom to see who can lose the most weight by the end of August. If I win the I get a new pair of nice shows. I need them. I go to Payless cause they have the size that I am. It's hard to find nice shows when you have wide width feet. I hope my feet slim down when I lose weight but I will see. I would love to buy a pair of really sexy pair of stilettos when I am at my goal weight of 130.

I leave for California in 2 days and I am excited. I am hoping I don't gain anything when I am there. I am also going to Vegas for 3 days so it will be a lot of eating and drinking. This is gonna be hard be I will see if I can get through it.

A lot of thinking and writing to do.

I have been praying for Tom to get into the Seminary. I hope he gets accepted. He pissed me off today. I can't ever have a decent conversation with him. He is also getting on my nerves. I don't know what is it but lately when ever I hang out with him he pisses me off.

Well enough about him. I went to Aidan's (Jenny's Daughter) Birthday. It was fun. Good food and chat. I think Sara might be pregnant. She is a week and a half late on her monthly friend and she has been craving sweets. I am hoping she is. She has waited a long time to have one and it is about time she has a little one in her life.

When I am at the airport I will be doing a lot of thinking and writing in my Journal. I need to figure out what I really want in my life. When I am in California in a couple days I will see if I am really meant to start my new life there.

Why can't I lose this weight and become thin and healthy

Why can't I lose this weight and become thin and healthy?

I don't know. I have been thinking about this dn I think all these people around me are losing, why can't I. What is it that they have that I don't. I am asking myself am I meant to be like this, overweight and unhealthy. Will I ever see my goal weight when all I can see is myself getting farther and farther from it. I am just so frustrated and pissed at myself for being like this.

Weight Loss Challenge Part 2

After this weekend I will have 2 days until I leave for Cali. Maybe I can start eating healthy when I am there but there a lot of good restaurants there. Also in Vegas. I'll have to make sure that I get in some exercise when I am there.

When I look in to the mirror I hate what I see and also when I look at myself in pictures I am ashamed of myself that I let myself get this way. No one can do this for me but myself.

My next weigh in this this Monday and I will see how I did.

Recipe: Fried Apples

When I was little my grandma used to make fried apples. It was really good. It was really simple to make. I think this is the recope but I will ask around and see who knows the exact recipe.

~ 8 medium apples - Core the apple then slice it.
~ Butter

BASIC CREPE BATTER
1 1/2 c. milk
1 c. flour
Pinch of salt
1 egg
1 egg yolk
1 tbsp. melted butter

Sift the flour with the salt into a bowl. Make a well in the center and add the egg and egg yolk. Pour in the milk slowly, stirring constantly and, when half is added, stir in the melted butter. Beat well until smooth. Add the remaining milk, cover and let stand at room temperature for at least 30 minutes before using. The batter should be the consistency of light cream.

Dip the apple into the batter and place it in the pan and fry it until it is golden brown.

Weight Loss Challenge

Weight Loss takes a lot of time,determination, and focus. Along with that comes willpower.

What is wrong with me. I have gone up and down in weight and I have failed. I know it's easy when I don't try to stick to a program. It pisses me off that I used to stick to a program and never really gone the full way. If other people people can do it why can't I. I gotta figure out what I need to do so that I can stick to a healthy program. Maybe I need to learn how to eat healthy and get rid of my unhealthy ways. I gotta take it one step at a time and since I have school done with I can focus on this and learn healthy habits and start living a new life.

New Career to think about

Well I was thinking about what I enjoy doing. Well I love to write reviews for Restaurants, Reception Venues, etc....

I also want to write books on different subjects. Maybe I can write a book about my reviews. If I don't want to be in the Housekeeping/Custodial field. I need to find a career that I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning is ok but I need something that will make me happy.

W.K. Kellogg Manson

This is the W.K. Kellogg Manson. If you ever in western Michigan. I would recommend that you check it out and go for a free tour. The best time to go is in the summer. Check out the mansion grounds it is breath taking. Also check out the website. I provided a link in the heading.

Cali on my mind - 3 more days.

I have been giving a lot of thought about if I want to start my own business. I want to move to California and that is what I want the most is to move out there. Owning a business takes a lot of time and a lot of money. Now that I graduated and I have a trade I can get a really good job in and make good money. Then I am having second thoughts about that. The reason I took that is that it was a trade I was semi interested in I could get into and it was only 2 terms (6 months).

This day is almost over and I am gonna say that I only have 3 more days until I leave and I can't wait till I can leave all this behind for a week and focus on me and having fun. I will be posting pics when I get back. But what ever goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas. This time I will be legal and ready to party.

California to Vegas

In 4 days I will be heading to California. I will be in California for 4 days. Then both of my sisters, my cousin Donna, sisters friends Jamie and Jennifer and I are spending 3 days in Vegas at the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino in the panorama suite. We are going clubbing at Planet Hollywood's night club at Prive. My sister said that her friend is friends with the manger we runs Prive. So we might be getting VIP service. I will be so stoked of that is what we will have. Who knows what Vegas has in store for me. I also want to eat at the Bellagio Buffet. I heard that its one of the best Buffets ever.

This will be a very busy week and a fun one to boot. The reason why I wanted to go to Vegas is to Celebrate my 30th. Since I spent my 30th at school I wanted to start off my my new age in Vegas where I can enjoy myself and have fun.

Oh California!!!

Horoscope for July 17, 2009

Your physical energy and enthusiasm are elevated as you approach yet a higher level of your material accomplishments. This could inspire you to channel most of your energy into more work - and to climb yet higher, Kristine. You might even be thinking in terms of expanding all your horizons - professional, intellectual, spiritual. Travel could also be in the offing. Consider all your options carefully. There might be too many choices to make an easy decision.
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I can't believe that I am finally a graduate form MCTI and I am done. I don't have to go back there but I do miss seeing the people. 6 months of hard work. I hope I can get a good full time job with good benefits and good pay. That is my #1 goal. While I am looking for that job I have to focus on my health. For once I gotta focus on me. Making me happy and establishing a life for myself.

What I want form my life is to become successful at what ever I am meant to do. Also to move out to California. That is a major step I am working on.

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

How do I say goodbye to what we hadThe good times that made us laughOutweigh the bad.I thought we'd get to see foreverBut forever's gone awayIt's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.I don't know where this roadIs going to leadAll I know is where we've beenAnd what we've been through.If we get to see tomorrowI hope it's worth all the waitIt's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.And I'll take with me the memoriesTo be my sunshine after the rainIt's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.And I'll take with me the memoriesTo be my sunshine after the rainIt's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Time to say Good-Bye

I know I have been lagging on my blogging. I have been busy with school and not I am done I have a lot more time to blog. I Graduate tomorrow and I am both happy and sad at the same time. I will miss everyone here but I am happy that I will be happy to go home for good and get ready for my trip to Cali/Vegas.

I will keep in touch with some of the friends that I have made here. The only thing I won't miss is the food, knock at the door of the bathroom and waiting for someone to get out so I can use it.

Like boys to men said in their song which was my class song in 1998. It's so hard ot say good-bye to yesterday.

~RIP Michael Jackson~ : 1958-2009

I came home from brunch and checked my facebook and Ercika said that the oxy clean guy died. His name was Billie Mays.

Now I am sitting online and watching and listening to VH1 classic. They are doing a tribute to him by playing his old music videos.. Even though I wasn't a fan of his I was a fan of his music.

~RIP Michael Jackson~ : 1958-2009

WOW!!!!

I have been slacking on my blogging but I have been really busy. I graduate in a week and 4 days. I am really gonna miss my friends at MCTI but I gotta go on with my life and get into the real world.

In the past 2 weeks. We have lost Ed Mcmahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. It was a sad sad day. Ed Mcmahon and Farrah Fawcett were sick but Michael Jackson I didn't see that one coming. Yes I cried. Why? I don't know. I am still shocked and still can't believe he is gone.

Feeling Good

It is such a beautiful day outside. I went by the lake with Kyle after brunch and Karina asked if we both wanted to go out on the pontoon for a ride and so we did. I loved it. Also I love when the sun goes on the water and it sparkles. I might go up to my cottage with my parents. I do miss being up there. It's calm and relaxing. I know that when I go up there that I will have to help my dad with some work outside since I am the only one here. I need to help out more.

I am getting excited for my Cali/Vegas trip next month. I am gonna need it. I hope I will be able to get a job in California and move out there to start a new life for myself. To be able to meet new people and make new friends. But for now I will have to get a job here in Michigan and get myself on my feet with a car of my own and enough money to move out there. With the skills that I have I can get a really good paying job. I know how much moeny to have enough to move out there.

Things are changing

Ok. Things are going great and it's almost time for me to Graduate. I am gonna miss laughing in class at Big Jon's jokes. Its a family but a weird family but I will miss them. A while ago after I liked Jeff. I thought that this guy named Will was cute but the thing I think he is 20 years old but age is just a number. I know it will never workout. I never talk to him. I might have mentioned it before in a earlier blog but hey it's nice to look at him and when I will ever see him again. He is also a lifeguard and he looks hott in shorts.