It's Back

Yes I am in that feeling again. It never left it only hid from my heart. I'm in love again.

I was hanging with Tom today and he was making me laugh as usual but it's what he had said got me thinking. He said if I was you're husband & you were my wife. He has never said that to me before. It got me thinking.

He still rubs my leg and plays footsie with me. We both need a serious talk about our feelings and see where we both want to go. If our feelings are mutual and if we want to go to that next step. I know for me is that I need to know his feels and making sure they are the same as mine then I'm ready to take that next step. It's killing me inside to hide these feelings and not know how he really feels.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Favorite Sandwich

I made the most delicious sandwich. Here is my favorite....I call it the Kiki's Special.

You will need:

• Your favorite bread
• Philadelphia Whipped Cream Cheese or Vegan Cream Cheese
• Cucumber
• Dill
• Alfalfa Sprouts

I start toasting the bread. (I used Private Selection Flax and Fiber bread)
I peel and cut a Organic English Cucumber
When the brad is done I spread cream cheese on each side
Sprinkle Dill on each side ( I love how the dill smells)
Lay your cucumbers on one side (you can add salt on the cucumber if you like)
Lay your Alfalfa  Sprouts (optional) you can leave it out if you don't like them.
Cut & Enjoy

What matters most

Something was bothering and keeping me from my decision to move to California and that is my feelings for Tom are still there and I can't stop it.

I hung out with him today and it was the same ole same ole thing. He played footsie with me and it seemed like he was flirting. But I'm not gonna fall deep and let my wall down until I am totally sure that his feeling are the same as mine.

I just know what he wants. I am too much of a chicken to tell him how I really feel. I have a lot of feels locked up inside of me. Feelings of anger and confusion. It's hard to tell my feelings out loud. Especially to Tom. When our friendship us a 1 way street.

I am gonna play hard to get if he really does like me. It's not gonna be easy. Even though I have strong feelings for him and I already have fallen in love with him.

He has asked me to look at houses with him so that I can give my option from a woman's point of view and now we went to look at cars and he wants my option on that.

When we were taking about houses I told him he wants a house big enough for him and he said maybe 2. I don't know what he was getting at but I shouldn't let my wall down but my guard will always be up around my heart until I am able to know that Tom really likes me more than a friend thenI cam fully let down my guard and tell my real feelings for him. I don't know if that day will ever come. In the past I've waited and that day never came so I've wasted so much time at that when I could of focused on other things. I've put my focus on something else and that is what really matters is me, myself, and I. My career and my health.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Finally I'm learning to fly

I have always been someone who would want to do something and wait for it to get done then in the end I don't do anything about it. If I want something done I have to do it myself and keep it to myself. If I do all the negativity will discourage me like it did in the past and I'm not gonna let that happen to me.

I want things to come quickly but I know they don't. I have to wait. I know that all good things take time but I'm sick of waiting. All the things I want to accomplish will take a lot of time and a lot of planning. The good thing is that I found my passion and I'm going after it.

The careers I want out of my life are.....
1) Open a Business
2) Become an Author
3) Create a Product
4) Develop Show Ideas

I am already in my planning process of all of these. A lot of my focus is my business. I have my ideas in place and I'm working on them. I am also trying to create and make a prototype. Making a checklist of the process of creating my product.

When I'm successful I will be able to show all the people who haven't supported me that YES I can did it and I did it without you.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~