2010 Outlook

It's almost New Years Eve and almost time for 2009 to come to an end.

I have a lot to work an in 2010. Since it's a start of a new dedicade I need to start changing my bad habits. I am gonna focus on them one atva time so that I am able to see my problems and work on it.

I am also gonna try to find a full time temporary job so that I am able to establish myself by saving money to buy a car and move out on my own.

Weightloss is also a big focus for me. I am going to try to keep a food log to track my calories. So I don't go over a certain amout. I made a goal to go to the gym twice a week and workout the rest of the week at home. I have to make the anichitive to stick to my workout plan Jenny made for me. And stick to my goals.


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Some time off

I have given some time off from my business thoughts. I am slowly giving those thoughts back in my thinking.

When I get back into thinking about my business I am more confident that I still want this to happen. I am also confident that I will need the help I need to guide me through out my process.

I am still working on my business plan. I want to work on it a long time then I will have a SCORE mentor to look at it and see what I need help with.

I am writing down a checklist of the things I need to take me to see myself opening my business. Also what supplies I need for my business. From the displays I need to the merchindice I need.


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What I want

I thought that what I wanted to move out to California and start a new life there. I wanted that more than anything but now all I want to focus on is my career. I want to establish myself and move out so I can have a life of my own like my sisters.

I also want to lose weight and weigh 120 pounds. I don't want to worry about finding a job and having to lose a large amount of weight.


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Family

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My sister is coming in tomorrow and then at 5 we are going over my aunts and uncles house for dinner and our traditional Christmas Eve. I am excited to see my family. They are what make me happy and and all free. Without having them in my life I wouldn't know where I would be.


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Thoughts

I have thought about....
what goes into owning a business.
What legal steps I need to take
What I need for my business
What supplies I need
How to hire employees
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If I want something done I have to do it myself. No one believes in me or encourages me in what makes me happy. All my dreams and goals are kept to myself and a few others know about my dreams. No one that doesn't support me or encourage me then they will have no part in my future.

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The Holiday Week

This week is busy week. My older sister is coming into town on Thursday (Christmas Eve) morning then we are heading to my aunt and uncles for dinner. Then on Friday (Christmas) we are having dinner at my house. On Saturday it's my little cousions 1st birthday, also my little sister is going back home to California. Then on Sunday my mom told me my aunt wants to buy us dinner so I will get to see her and my cousin Joann (my aunts daughter). What a great end of a week. This is why I Iove the holiday's. I love spending time with my family during these times. I cherish these times.

Next week is the end of the year and New Years Eve. My friend Tom had called me a few days ago and called to ask what was I doing for New Years Eve. I had told him nothing. He said something about cooking dinner one day either him or I. I didn't know if he was talking about next week for New Years but I wonder what he has up his sleve.

I just wish he knew what he wanted to do. He keeps on doing the same thing before he went into the seminary.

I can picture marrying him and what life would be like living with him under the same roof. I have grown to love him as a friend and now it's more than a friend.
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Not that person anymore

The thing that pisses me off about my sister is that she thinks she knows me. But she doesn't. She says I eat too much but I don't. She knows the old me but not the new me.

I need to show her I have changed and then I will prove to her I am not that person anymore.

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Better than theirs

I know that Tom is in the seminary now but he doesn't look like he takes it seriously. I will wait and see if he goes through it.

I dream that If he doesn't go through with it and he decides to he wants to be more than friends. Then I will tell him I have been waiting for this moment. I will tell him that we we'll need to take it slow and see what that next step is.

I also see myself marrying him and spending the rest if my life with him. Then my ex and his wife will be there. I will have a lot better wedding than theirs.


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I've fallen in love with him

I spent most if the day with Tom and what I realized is that I have fallen in love with him and I have always have been.I kept on denying those feelings cause he's in the semenary studing to become a priest.

He is still flirty with me despite him trying to become a priest. I have been friends with him for 9 years and I have become really good friends with him after I had broken up with my ex.

If it's meant to be then it's meant to be. I don't know what to do but wait and see what comes of our friendship. Is it love for a friend or love for something else.


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Hate

My younger sister came into town and the hell has just begun. I hate her. I know its a strong word but its how I feel. She is so mean and some of the time she is ok but most of time she is a total bitch to me. I tried to be nice but I have given up. I am gonna treat her the way she treats me.

She is so negitive towards everything I want to do in life. It will be better if I don't associate myself with her. I don't call her and I am fine with that. I am not close to any of my sisters but that is ok. I want to keep most of my life private. I want to prove to her I can be something in life and I'll be successful one day then she won't have anything to say.

Since she is here until the 26th I don't want to hang out with her.

When I move out I will not talk to anyone until the holidays or special ocations. My life will be better this way. I am in good terms with my sister. I don't afire with her but we don't communicate everyday over the phone but sometimes over the Internet.


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About my worries,doubts, & fears

I was thinking about my doubts and worries and fears.

Doubts: I have doubts about if I will have a successful business and if my ideas will workout like I want them to.

Worries: I worry about if I will be able to become a leader and make the right decisions within my business and if I will hire the right employees. If I will make a good boss. I know there will be times when I will have to do things that I don't want to.

Fears: I fear that my business will not become what I want it and I will not know what to do in diffcult sisuations.


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Business Confidence

I have been doing a lot of thinking, researching, and writing. This is giving me a good outlook and the confidence that I need to keep my thoughts in order. It's also getting me excited about wanting me to open my own business.


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Back to Business

I gave my thoughts of owning my own business some time off. I went back today. I am working on my business plan. So far so good. I am making progress.

I am looking for a full time job that will be tempory for me. Once I get a job I will be able to save money, buy a car, and get myself established so that I am working and making a living.

I then can save money for my business. I don't know how much I am gonna need but I have to figure that out. With all the expences I will need to save up for.

The reason I have my doubts is that I have never went through with anything and I don't want to work in retail,fast food, or cleaning business for the rest if my life. I want this to happen and for me to have a career that I love getting up in the morning and making something of myself.

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Focus in the NOW

I am losing interest on opening up my own business. I am still giving it a lot of thought. I still need to focus at is important now at this moment and that is Finding a job. It seems that when I am focused at one thing at a time I put all my effort into it. I need to do that with my weight loss. I have to focus on one goal at a time. I have to think about what my prioities are and focus in the #1 top of my list.

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Thoughts of Doubt

I still have doubts every now and then so I decided to give it a break and come back to the idea when I am ready. I do have thoughts every now and then but I gotta give it time to register and if I really want to do this. Right now I have to the feeling of that I don't want to do it.

I also thought that do I want to have a job that I go to and I hate just to make money or do I want to have a job that I love waking up in the morning and going to no matter how much it payed.


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This is why America is FAT

There are many food competitions and the size of some food that resturants have is unbelieveable.

Shows like Man vs Food on the Travel Channel. Adam tries to break records that he has to eat a huge amount of food. Don't get me wrong I love watching that show and some of it looks really good but I will never eat that amount of food.

I am training myself and my brain to watch what I eat and how much I eat of it. It's a long hard process that needs to be done.


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Conquoring my fears

Losing Weight is all mental to make the effort to eat healthy and exercise. You are theg only one that can do it. No one can do it for you.

You have to make up your mind to want to do it. my fears

I want to workout with a trainer but I'm nervous about working out with one. I don't know why though.

I want to learn to swim so that I will be able to swin to the deep end. I want to be able to go to the deep end and stay up float. By doing this I need swimming lessons. Maybe that will lead to doing a Triathron.


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My new life

A new way of thinking
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If I put the effort into my weight loss as I do my career then I would be successful at that. I am more focused on my career then anything else. I want to become successful. I want to make something of myself.

I am hoping that 2010 will be a year for success. With a full time job, maybe a car, to save money.

2009 wasn't bad for me. It started off good and the ending is good. I have love for GOD, family, and friends. What else more than I need to make me happy. It's the simple things that make me happy.


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More skills to learn

I have been busy getting things in order and organized for my business. I feel confident about starting my own business. I have learned a lot and I know I still have more to learn. I have my basics written out and planned. From what I need for my boutique, my office, etc... It's all the little things that go into it. I have done a lot of thinking and I still have a lot of learning of skills and things to think about.


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10 Year Plan

Within the next 10 years from 2010 - 2020 I hope to establish my own life. To have a full time job, a car, a place of my own, finally weigh 120 pounds. Accomplish a lot of my goals. Finally have a career i am meant to be in life and become successful. To own my own business and have it grow. Find a loving and supportive man who will become my husband, get married by the time I am 34/35. Have children. 4 at the most.


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Hardwork Pays Off

I want success to happen now but in order for me to become a success I need to wait and have time takes it place. I need my vision and ideas to grow and when it has the time to do that I can see my vision come clearer and my dream will become a reality.

I wish I knew where my life will take me but things happen for a reason and where GOD will lead me I will go.

If I not meant to move to California then it's not where GOD is leading me. All I need is ptayer and guideiness from him then I will see what I was meant to be in my life.


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Challenges in my life

There are so many challenges in my life that I need to work on and accomplish those challenges.

I have never gone through anything I had a idea with. It's always been an idea and I never persued any of those ideas that I had. But this time it's different if I want things done my way such as my life I have to depend on myself and not others that discourage me. If I want things done I have to do it myself. That is what I am doing no one is going to stop me.


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Pointing out my Problems

If I want to look better than my ex's wife Amanda ,Bridgett, and Annmarie. I gotta change. I know I said this once before but I gotta get my butt in check and get with the program.

I did start off good but I ended the week not good. I am going back to my ways that I want to change. I am trying to figure out why I can't change these bad old habits. I know it's all mental.
I need to point out my problems and work on those.

Other People can lose weight why can't I . I don't know what my problem is that I can't stick to a program.
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What????

I am so discussed & dissapointed at myself that I have gotten this big. I had a wake up call when I took a picture of my belly. I didn't see myself like this but I am glad I did. I see what everyone else sees. The big picture that is the proof that will get me to change my bad habits.

I will exercise starting Morning. That is my first priory every morning.

I am so pissed that I am lazy and I came to a point where I am giving up and not caring. I make bad decisions and I don't put myself first.

I want to run marathons but it's gonna take a while to do this cause I'm not making effort to get me to that point to where I can get started.


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What inspires me 2 wanna lose weight?

I am sick of being fat. I want to see what thin looks and feels like. I want to be able to wear Victoria Secret underware. I wanna be fit and healthy.

Being fat is not a good feeling and I am sick of this life but why am I not doing something about it. I have a new workout plan that a professional trainer has gave me. It's just hard to stick to something.

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Figuring out my Problems

I just haven't been motivated to working out. I am in the process of figuring out why I am like this. Why I can't get up and exercise like other people can.

It's my lack of motivation and lazyness in me. I gotta figure out
the main reason for this.
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Venting.....

I want to prove to my parents, sisters, and everyone who doesn't believe in me and doesn't support the decisions in my life that will make me happy.

I will show them what I am made of and what I can do without them. I will not tell anyone what I want to do in my life until I can show them I can be successful without them believing in me and supporting what I want to do in my own life. I am the one that makes my own decisions and I will not give up until I can see all my dream become a realately.

I know what I want and I will fight for it. If I want something to happen I gotta do it myself.

The thing that pisses me off is that my mom had told me many times that to be nice to my sisters that I might need them one day cause they make good money and she thinks that they will support me cause I won't ever have a job. How does that make me feel? Well like shit it hurts my feelings that she thinks I'll never be successful in my life. I may not be like them but I will get a job and I'll be a success in that . I will show her that I can accomplish in my life. When she does that I get more determined to want to prove to her that I can make a lot of money.


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Doubting Myself

I am having second thoughts again about owning my own business. I worry about if I do start this then will I be able to understand everything about my business. I need to give it a rest and come back to it later and see if I am still wanting to open my own business.

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Success takes time!!!!

If you're not following your heart,you're living someone elses dream.
- Lyn Christian

This quote is so true. If are always pleaseing others then you aren't making yourself happy.
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* If you can imaige it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. - Williame Author Ward

This is one of my favorites quotes. I know I can turn my dreams into reality and I can become that vision in my dreams.
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Quitters never win, winners never quit. - Vincent Thomas

This is one of my other favorites quotes. I will never quit what I am aiming to achieve the goals in my life. I am a winner and not a quitter.
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Good things come for those who wait.

So true. I keep on reminding myself that now the times aren't going my way but one day my life will start to change and I can see the way I want to live my life.
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Things happen for a reason.

I love this saying. I also keep reminding myself that what doesn't go my way there has to be a reason for it.
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Start small and work your way up.

This is a great quote for everyone who wants to start their own business like I do. In order for a business you have to start small before you can have it grow.
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You have to spend money to make money.

Another great quote for someone who wants to start their own business. I don't remember where I heard this but if you want to have a business to become a success you have to spend some of your money in your business to make money for your business.
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Practice makes perfect.

This speaks for itself.
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Once if you don't succeed try and try again.

If you fail at something don't let that bring you down. You have to try and try until you succeed.
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When you change your mindset you change your life.

I came up with this quote. I wanted to change the way I was thinking cause I hated the way I was thinking about exercising. I have a lazy mind and that turns into a lazy body.
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Wish it,Dream it,Do it

I saw this at my Michigan Rehab office. I don't know who saidvit but I love this quote. It speaks for itself. You have a wish, you dream it, and you do it.
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When I was in 11th grade my choir teacher had a speaker come in and all that I remembered was that he told us that we should have a job that we loved getting up in the morning for and not have a job that pays well and you hate getting up in the morning.

I love that stuck with me fir so long and I can share that with others.

Also what is helping me keep positive is my belief in God and praying every night that he will guide me to my career and what I am meant to do.


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Taking it day by day

I'm slowly cleaning my room and making a few changes in it. I need a little change. I am getting ready for the holidays. I want to feel clean and organized befor the rush takes over me.

I didn't do any cardio today but I am doing my weight training. Chest and arms.


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