2010 Outlook

It's almost New Years Eve and almost time for 2009 to come to an end.

I have a lot to work an in 2010. Since it's a start of a new dedicade I need to start changing my bad habits. I am gonna focus on them one atva time so that I am able to see my problems and work on it.

I am also gonna try to find a full time temporary job so that I am able to establish myself by saving money to buy a car and move out on my own.

Weightloss is also a big focus for me. I am going to try to keep a food log to track my calories. So I don't go over a certain amout. I made a goal to go to the gym twice a week and workout the rest of the week at home. I have to make the anichitive to stick to my workout plan Jenny made for me. And stick to my goals.


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Some time off

I have given some time off from my business thoughts. I am slowly giving those thoughts back in my thinking.

When I get back into thinking about my business I am more confident that I still want this to happen. I am also confident that I will need the help I need to guide me through out my process.

I am still working on my business plan. I want to work on it a long time then I will have a SCORE mentor to look at it and see what I need help with.

I am writing down a checklist of the things I need to take me to see myself opening my business. Also what supplies I need for my business. From the displays I need to the merchindice I need.


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What I want

I thought that what I wanted to move out to California and start a new life there. I wanted that more than anything but now all I want to focus on is my career. I want to establish myself and move out so I can have a life of my own like my sisters.

I also want to lose weight and weigh 120 pounds. I don't want to worry about finding a job and having to lose a large amount of weight.


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Family

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My sister is coming in tomorrow and then at 5 we are going over my aunts and uncles house for dinner and our traditional Christmas Eve. I am excited to see my family. They are what make me happy and and all free. Without having them in my life I wouldn't know where I would be.


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Thoughts

I have thought about....
what goes into owning a business.
What legal steps I need to take
What I need for my business
What supplies I need
How to hire employees
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If I want something done I have to do it myself. No one believes in me or encourages me in what makes me happy. All my dreams and goals are kept to myself and a few others know about my dreams. No one that doesn't support me or encourage me then they will have no part in my future.

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The Holiday Week

This week is busy week. My older sister is coming into town on Thursday (Christmas Eve) morning then we are heading to my aunt and uncles for dinner. Then on Friday (Christmas) we are having dinner at my house. On Saturday it's my little cousions 1st birthday, also my little sister is going back home to California. Then on Sunday my mom told me my aunt wants to buy us dinner so I will get to see her and my cousin Joann (my aunts daughter). What a great end of a week. This is why I Iove the holiday's. I love spending time with my family during these times. I cherish these times.

Next week is the end of the year and New Years Eve. My friend Tom had called me a few days ago and called to ask what was I doing for New Years Eve. I had told him nothing. He said something about cooking dinner one day either him or I. I didn't know if he was talking about next week for New Years but I wonder what he has up his sleve.

I just wish he knew what he wanted to do. He keeps on doing the same thing before he went into the seminary.

I can picture marrying him and what life would be like living with him under the same roof. I have grown to love him as a friend and now it's more than a friend.
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Not that person anymore

The thing that pisses me off about my sister is that she thinks she knows me. But she doesn't. She says I eat too much but I don't. She knows the old me but not the new me.

I need to show her I have changed and then I will prove to her I am not that person anymore.

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Better than theirs

I know that Tom is in the seminary now but he doesn't look like he takes it seriously. I will wait and see if he goes through it.

I dream that If he doesn't go through with it and he decides to he wants to be more than friends. Then I will tell him I have been waiting for this moment. I will tell him that we we'll need to take it slow and see what that next step is.

I also see myself marrying him and spending the rest if my life with him. Then my ex and his wife will be there. I will have a lot better wedding than theirs.


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I've fallen in love with him

I spent most if the day with Tom and what I realized is that I have fallen in love with him and I have always have been.I kept on denying those feelings cause he's in the semenary studing to become a priest.

He is still flirty with me despite him trying to become a priest. I have been friends with him for 9 years and I have become really good friends with him after I had broken up with my ex.

If it's meant to be then it's meant to be. I don't know what to do but wait and see what comes of our friendship. Is it love for a friend or love for something else.


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Hate

My younger sister came into town and the hell has just begun. I hate her. I know its a strong word but its how I feel. She is so mean and some of the time she is ok but most of time she is a total bitch to me. I tried to be nice but I have given up. I am gonna treat her the way she treats me.

She is so negitive towards everything I want to do in life. It will be better if I don't associate myself with her. I don't call her and I am fine with that. I am not close to any of my sisters but that is ok. I want to keep most of my life private. I want to prove to her I can be something in life and I'll be successful one day then she won't have anything to say.

Since she is here until the 26th I don't want to hang out with her.

When I move out I will not talk to anyone until the holidays or special ocations. My life will be better this way. I am in good terms with my sister. I don't afire with her but we don't communicate everyday over the phone but sometimes over the Internet.


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About my worries,doubts, & fears

I was thinking about my doubts and worries and fears.

Doubts: I have doubts about if I will have a successful business and if my ideas will workout like I want them to.

Worries: I worry about if I will be able to become a leader and make the right decisions within my business and if I will hire the right employees. If I will make a good boss. I know there will be times when I will have to do things that I don't want to.

Fears: I fear that my business will not become what I want it and I will not know what to do in diffcult sisuations.


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Business Confidence

I have been doing a lot of thinking, researching, and writing. This is giving me a good outlook and the confidence that I need to keep my thoughts in order. It's also getting me excited about wanting me to open my own business.


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Back to Business

I gave my thoughts of owning my own business some time off. I went back today. I am working on my business plan. So far so good. I am making progress.

I am looking for a full time job that will be tempory for me. Once I get a job I will be able to save money, buy a car, and get myself established so that I am working and making a living.

I then can save money for my business. I don't know how much I am gonna need but I have to figure that out. With all the expences I will need to save up for.

The reason I have my doubts is that I have never went through with anything and I don't want to work in retail,fast food, or cleaning business for the rest if my life. I want this to happen and for me to have a career that I love getting up in the morning and making something of myself.

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Focus in the NOW

I am losing interest on opening up my own business. I am still giving it a lot of thought. I still need to focus at is important now at this moment and that is Finding a job. It seems that when I am focused at one thing at a time I put all my effort into it. I need to do that with my weight loss. I have to focus on one goal at a time. I have to think about what my prioities are and focus in the #1 top of my list.

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Thoughts of Doubt

I still have doubts every now and then so I decided to give it a break and come back to the idea when I am ready. I do have thoughts every now and then but I gotta give it time to register and if I really want to do this. Right now I have to the feeling of that I don't want to do it.

I also thought that do I want to have a job that I go to and I hate just to make money or do I want to have a job that I love waking up in the morning and going to no matter how much it payed.


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This is why America is FAT

There are many food competitions and the size of some food that resturants have is unbelieveable.

Shows like Man vs Food on the Travel Channel. Adam tries to break records that he has to eat a huge amount of food. Don't get me wrong I love watching that show and some of it looks really good but I will never eat that amount of food.

I am training myself and my brain to watch what I eat and how much I eat of it. It's a long hard process that needs to be done.


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Conquoring my fears

Losing Weight is all mental to make the effort to eat healthy and exercise. You are theg only one that can do it. No one can do it for you.

You have to make up your mind to want to do it. my fears

I want to workout with a trainer but I'm nervous about working out with one. I don't know why though.

I want to learn to swim so that I will be able to swin to the deep end. I want to be able to go to the deep end and stay up float. By doing this I need swimming lessons. Maybe that will lead to doing a Triathron.


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My new life

A new way of thinking
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If I put the effort into my weight loss as I do my career then I would be successful at that. I am more focused on my career then anything else. I want to become successful. I want to make something of myself.

I am hoping that 2010 will be a year for success. With a full time job, maybe a car, to save money.

2009 wasn't bad for me. It started off good and the ending is good. I have love for GOD, family, and friends. What else more than I need to make me happy. It's the simple things that make me happy.


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More skills to learn

I have been busy getting things in order and organized for my business. I feel confident about starting my own business. I have learned a lot and I know I still have more to learn. I have my basics written out and planned. From what I need for my boutique, my office, etc... It's all the little things that go into it. I have done a lot of thinking and I still have a lot of learning of skills and things to think about.


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10 Year Plan

Within the next 10 years from 2010 - 2020 I hope to establish my own life. To have a full time job, a car, a place of my own, finally weigh 120 pounds. Accomplish a lot of my goals. Finally have a career i am meant to be in life and become successful. To own my own business and have it grow. Find a loving and supportive man who will become my husband, get married by the time I am 34/35. Have children. 4 at the most.


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Hardwork Pays Off

I want success to happen now but in order for me to become a success I need to wait and have time takes it place. I need my vision and ideas to grow and when it has the time to do that I can see my vision come clearer and my dream will become a reality.

I wish I knew where my life will take me but things happen for a reason and where GOD will lead me I will go.

If I not meant to move to California then it's not where GOD is leading me. All I need is ptayer and guideiness from him then I will see what I was meant to be in my life.


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Challenges in my life

There are so many challenges in my life that I need to work on and accomplish those challenges.

I have never gone through anything I had a idea with. It's always been an idea and I never persued any of those ideas that I had. But this time it's different if I want things done my way such as my life I have to depend on myself and not others that discourage me. If I want things done I have to do it myself. That is what I am doing no one is going to stop me.


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Pointing out my Problems

If I want to look better than my ex's wife Amanda ,Bridgett, and Annmarie. I gotta change. I know I said this once before but I gotta get my butt in check and get with the program.

I did start off good but I ended the week not good. I am going back to my ways that I want to change. I am trying to figure out why I can't change these bad old habits. I know it's all mental.
I need to point out my problems and work on those.

Other People can lose weight why can't I . I don't know what my problem is that I can't stick to a program.
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What????

I am so discussed & dissapointed at myself that I have gotten this big. I had a wake up call when I took a picture of my belly. I didn't see myself like this but I am glad I did. I see what everyone else sees. The big picture that is the proof that will get me to change my bad habits.

I will exercise starting Morning. That is my first priory every morning.

I am so pissed that I am lazy and I came to a point where I am giving up and not caring. I make bad decisions and I don't put myself first.

I want to run marathons but it's gonna take a while to do this cause I'm not making effort to get me to that point to where I can get started.


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What inspires me 2 wanna lose weight?

I am sick of being fat. I want to see what thin looks and feels like. I want to be able to wear Victoria Secret underware. I wanna be fit and healthy.

Being fat is not a good feeling and I am sick of this life but why am I not doing something about it. I have a new workout plan that a professional trainer has gave me. It's just hard to stick to something.

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Figuring out my Problems

I just haven't been motivated to working out. I am in the process of figuring out why I am like this. Why I can't get up and exercise like other people can.

It's my lack of motivation and lazyness in me. I gotta figure out
the main reason for this.
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Venting.....

I want to prove to my parents, sisters, and everyone who doesn't believe in me and doesn't support the decisions in my life that will make me happy.

I will show them what I am made of and what I can do without them. I will not tell anyone what I want to do in my life until I can show them I can be successful without them believing in me and supporting what I want to do in my own life. I am the one that makes my own decisions and I will not give up until I can see all my dream become a realately.

I know what I want and I will fight for it. If I want something to happen I gotta do it myself.

The thing that pisses me off is that my mom had told me many times that to be nice to my sisters that I might need them one day cause they make good money and she thinks that they will support me cause I won't ever have a job. How does that make me feel? Well like shit it hurts my feelings that she thinks I'll never be successful in my life. I may not be like them but I will get a job and I'll be a success in that . I will show her that I can accomplish in my life. When she does that I get more determined to want to prove to her that I can make a lot of money.


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Doubting Myself

I am having second thoughts again about owning my own business. I worry about if I do start this then will I be able to understand everything about my business. I need to give it a rest and come back to it later and see if I am still wanting to open my own business.

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Success takes time!!!!

If you're not following your heart,you're living someone elses dream.
- Lyn Christian

This quote is so true. If are always pleaseing others then you aren't making yourself happy.
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* If you can imaige it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. - Williame Author Ward

This is one of my favorites quotes. I know I can turn my dreams into reality and I can become that vision in my dreams.
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Quitters never win, winners never quit. - Vincent Thomas

This is one of my other favorites quotes. I will never quit what I am aiming to achieve the goals in my life. I am a winner and not a quitter.
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Good things come for those who wait.

So true. I keep on reminding myself that now the times aren't going my way but one day my life will start to change and I can see the way I want to live my life.
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Things happen for a reason.

I love this saying. I also keep reminding myself that what doesn't go my way there has to be a reason for it.
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Start small and work your way up.

This is a great quote for everyone who wants to start their own business like I do. In order for a business you have to start small before you can have it grow.
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You have to spend money to make money.

Another great quote for someone who wants to start their own business. I don't remember where I heard this but if you want to have a business to become a success you have to spend some of your money in your business to make money for your business.
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Practice makes perfect.

This speaks for itself.
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Once if you don't succeed try and try again.

If you fail at something don't let that bring you down. You have to try and try until you succeed.
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When you change your mindset you change your life.

I came up with this quote. I wanted to change the way I was thinking cause I hated the way I was thinking about exercising. I have a lazy mind and that turns into a lazy body.
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Wish it,Dream it,Do it

I saw this at my Michigan Rehab office. I don't know who saidvit but I love this quote. It speaks for itself. You have a wish, you dream it, and you do it.
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When I was in 11th grade my choir teacher had a speaker come in and all that I remembered was that he told us that we should have a job that we loved getting up in the morning for and not have a job that pays well and you hate getting up in the morning.

I love that stuck with me fir so long and I can share that with others.

Also what is helping me keep positive is my belief in God and praying every night that he will guide me to my career and what I am meant to do.


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Taking it day by day

I'm slowly cleaning my room and making a few changes in it. I need a little change. I am getting ready for the holidays. I want to feel clean and organized befor the rush takes over me.

I didn't do any cardio today but I am doing my weight training. Chest and arms.


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Motivated!!!!!

I am finally reading the Russel Simmons book "Do You" I bought last year. So far it's so helpful and inspirational. It has great quotes that that I will read over and over again.

I'm am gonna follow through with my vision and I will not let anyone stop me or discourage me. I will listen to what I am reading in that book.

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My Walls towards love

I have 2 walls that are up for my thoughts to think straight. My first wall is the friendship wall and the second is the seminary wall. Yes I still think about if Tom didn't want to become a Priest but that is only once in a while. I think about if we were a couple and how it would be but I also have in my mind that he told me that I wasn't his type and that is what keeping those walls up and not come down quickly.

If he does decide that the priesthood isn't fir him and confesses he likes me more than a friend then I will remind him what he said and we would have to have a long talk about our feelings.


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Worry,Doubt,Fear

When I attended MCTI this year my 2nd Term teacher told me to elimate these 3 words from my vocabuary.

Worry : I am worried about if I am gonna hire the right employees. How am I gonna handle problems that my employees will have with costomers or other employees.

Doubt : I have doubt that I will be able to be my own boss and have to do things on my own cause no one will be above me. I will be the person to go to and I have to become a leader and get out of my comfortable area of always being a follower.

Fear : I fear that I won't succeed and not be able to become a successful business owner.

Wide Width Feet

I have wide width feet and I hate it. There are so many pairs of cute high heel shoes I want to wear but they don't sell them. I googled if my feet will shrink as I lost my weight and it's possible that once I start losing a lot of weight my feet will shrink in size and I can buy those cute high heel shoes.

I am noticing that I am losing inches by the way my clothes are fitting me. My pants are getting too big and that feels great. I weight myself once a month and twice in December.


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Today's word is.......CHANGE.

"You can not change someone but you can change yourself." Sometimes change is good and sometimes it can be bad. What I what to change about myself is good and it's for the better. 

1. I want to change my bad habits for new healthy ones.
2. I want to change the way I look.
3. I want to change the way I feel.
4. I want to change my life.
5. I want to control my actions.
6. I want to control my decisions.
7. I want to control my life
   
8. I want to discipline myself.
9. I want to be fit and healthy.
10. I want to exercise 6 days a week without any excuses.
11. I want a healthy lifestyle.

"You can not change someone but you can change yourself." Sometimes change is easy and sometimes it's hard. My life is starting to change.

Pregnant Dream

Dreammoods.com Dream Descriptionn

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To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it.  This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

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I had a dream last night that I Found out that I was pregnant. I went to the Doctors and she felt my stomach and told me that I was. The guy I was dating in my dream was named Alex but he looked like this guy named Tony that I worked with at K-Mart. He had dark hair and he was tall and good looking. Also Jenny the personal trainer that I follow was also in my dream. I told her first before I told the the guy who got me pregnant. I told her that I was lazy and not did cardio but a lot of weights and she told me that I didn't look it and then I woke up.

The description of the dreammoods.com is true.  I am not ready to talk to anyone about my career decision until I know for sure it's gonna happen. I only tod a few people and that is it for now. It is a new direction in my life that I want to go and pursue and a goal of mine that I am working very hard at and I will not stop till I know I can open my business. If I do tell all I will get is negative comments that I do not need. This is what I want to do and I will see it through.

Mind focus/Positive Thinking

I have not done any walking this week and most of last week. I did little cardio and I have been doing my weights. I feel I am losing inches but I don't know cause I don't measure myself. But I do feel it on my clothes and or feels Good.

I saw a 2 hour success story of the past winners/contestints of the Biggest Loser. I was thinking to myself "why can't I be like them and stick to a routine where I am doing my new workout plan cardio 30 minutes 6 days a week and aling with that some weight training.

I heard that when you want to maintain the weight that you lost and have gotten to your goal weight you have got to workout for an hour and a half for 6 days.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am hoping I will be able not eat too much and drink to much.



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Bumps in the road

I've hit those bumps in the road. I just can't seem to change my mind focus on the lazyness that I have in my head. It has got to stop. When I do this I am setting myself back 2 steps and losing what I am wanting to work towards my weightloss goals.

I haven't done my walking for this week. So I have an hour and a half of cardio to do. I hope I get the motivation to go on a long walk to clear my head and figure out what I am gonna do about my lazyness thinking that I need to get rid of. This is a BIG problem and once I figure out how to elimate those thoughts then the lazyness will be gone. I need to replace that with something that can fight it off.


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Being Thankful

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is 2 days away. I am so thankful this year for many reasons. Having a good loving family and good friendships. It's the simple things that make me happy.

The things I love about Thanksgiving is waking up in the morning and watching Americas Thanksgiving Parade which takes place here in downtown Deyroit Michigan. Then my parents and I go over to my aunts and uncles house. I love to see them and I enjoy spending time with them. Eating, drinking, and just having a good time.


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I know what I want and I know what I need

I had a great meeting with my Counselor Caroline and I told her about my wanting to start my own business and she gave me some helpful information. I didn't tell her about what kind of business I want to own. I only told a few people and that is it.


When I thought to myself. What I need to do to make me happy in my own life. I needed to put things in my own hands and do what wanna do. Such as I decided to think about what would make me happy. 


I know what I want and I know what I need. I know not to listen to negativity and not to tell anyone what I want to do in my life so that I can not get discouraged from doing what I wanted to do in my life. It's my life and I am living it the way I want.

Me wanting to start my own business has save me a lot of confidence and second thoughts about moving to California. Don't get me wrong every time I visit my sisters. I love it there and I did see myself having a life there. I did my research and I know it is a lot of money to move there. They say it's worst then Michigan. When I am in California to visit I am so happy but where ever my life takes me I will follow it and see where I end up living. Here in Michigan where I have lived all my life or in California where I have visited many times.

So I am gonna stay in Michigan until I completely decide that I have stated the process to owning my own business. Now I have to write a business plan and take it to the Macomb County Planning & Economic Development in Mt Clemens.

Christmas List

Things I want

• Wii Console
• Wii Fit Plus
• Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum 2010 Wii game
• The Biggest Loser Wii game
• Nintendo Wii Accessories - Wii Remote Controller
  
• EA Sports Active
  

Confident

I have confidence in myself that I will be able to start my own business and become successful. I am just hoping that this isn't some idea and I will be able to see my vision come to life.

I have always had ideas but none if them were as serious as this. I think I have found my passion in life and I am sticking to it.

Much of your success will come from your mental commitment

From a local newspaper online article for the Detroit Free Press. Found here. It has a saying that I need to stick in my head. A saying from one of the local Personal Trainers who I look for motivation and I tone into her Saturday Ustream webcast. Jennifer DiDonato from Madefit.com. I mentioned her in a past blog post and she is helped me with getting motivated and helping me get a better workout plan. Here is what she said about working out with a Wii Fit. "Local trainer Jennifer DiDonato said there is a market for things like the Wii Fit, and that no matter what workout plan you follow, much of your success will come from your mental commitment."

It is all in your mind. Your brain controls  what you do. It's is the most powerful part in you body. That is when I have to work on. My thinking when I don't feel like exercising.I am taking my problems and working on them so that I am able to see what needs working on so I can get that out of my life and replace that with new habits that are healthy.

Why I want to own my own business?‏

Owning my own business will give me a sense of accomplishment. I have  
always wanted to own my own business but I thought I knew what career  
I wanted to go in. There are pros and cons to owning a business. I  
have given it a lot of thought and researched a lot too. I still have  
more to think about and research to look into. I know I can do this  
but all I need is help starting my business and get the right people  
hired in and I'll be on my way.
 
I want my business to grow and help hire a lot of people to help out  
the economy in Michigan. I have so many ideas to help my business  
grow into something that no other boutique has.
 
I also don't want to feel that I can get fired or laid off. I know  
owning a business has a lot of responsibilities. I am not gonna give up.  
I hope this is my passion and it's not just a idea or a thought  
running through my mind. I know that I can do this. I will do what  
ever it takes to see if this is a idea or a passion. I won't find out  
until I have a final word of until I get papers signed and a key to my  
business. After that will be getting my store all set up with all the  
merchdise and having a grand opening of my store.

2nd week not so good

This week was not that good. There were bumps in the road but I am not gonna let that stop me. I forgot to weigh myself today sine I weigh myself the 20th of every month and then next month I will weigh myself twice. The 20th and the 31st.

Determined

I am so Determined to see my dreams and goals come true. I will fight to get where I want to go. When all the negativity comes in my way in which they will come all i can say is that I will not listen anyone. I am making me happy and that is it how it's gonna be.

The Biggest Loser

I was thinking about going for The Biggest Loser casting when they came in town again but I knew I can never keep up with the demands the trainers have the contestents do. They lose a lit of weight in a short period of time but with that they are working out for hours and doing challenges.

I am thinking about getting together a walking/fitness group where I live to help motivate me and others that live in my city.

Endomorph

• Lower Calories
• Increase Cardio
• Increase Weight Training
  

This is what I am. I need to do more cardio to lose more weight. To see the results I want to see when I step on the scale.

Discipline

Discipline is something that I need to work on. That also goes with cravings. I need to fight the temptations that come in my way so that I don't eat the bad foods.

Overcome

I want to overcome a lot of my problems. I want to accomplish a lot of things soon. I want to see want will come of my life.

I need to stick with a routine, eat healthy and exercise everyday. I am doing good with getting back on the wagon.

Next week I have a appointment with Caroline (my Michigan Rehab cousler) this will give me a chance to talk to her one on one face to face and finally tell her what I want to do and see if she knows someone who can help me with starting my own business.

All about Passion

The more I think about what my passion is the more I am confident that I will want to persue my passion. I am doing a lot of research on the Bridal Boutique Industry and getting questions ready to ask Bridal Boutique owners in other states.

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Confident

The past week was up and down for me. I had second thoughts about owning my own business but as I think about it more and research what goes into owning a business then I think about what will make me happy in life and I think I found my passion after all. I won't know until I have my ball rolling and I get my company name registered and everything else started.

Right now I want to find a full time job so that I am able to start working again and start saving money. While I am working I can still learn all I can about owning my own business.

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2nd Thoughts

I'm having second thoughts about owning my own business. I don't know why but my feelings are not the same. I feel a don't want to attitude. I am gonna wait and see what my true feelings are in a few days. I just need to give it a rest and if my feelings are the same then I'll start working on my business plan.


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Working Hard

I can't stop thinking about owning my own business. The pros and cons. I am working on a business plan. I know of a retail space that is close to my house that is avaiable and I want to go check it out.

I really hope this is my passion and it will be able to become a success and be able to have it to grow into somthing I have imagined it to be. I'm confident that if I put my mind to this I will be able to see my dream business come to life.

Working hard is what I am doing and it is what I will have to do when I do open up my business. I have to put my mind to it and go for it.


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Old and New Habits

My old habits that I want gone are slowly wanting to creap back into my life. I need to train my brain to block those thoughts that I am able to have the positive thoughts remain in my head.

An example of this is what happened today. I felt lazy and that triggered my brain to make me wanna not go for a walk so I said to myself I gotta stop this old bad habit so I just put on my workout clothes and I just went for a walk. My new habits are a part of my new life that I am making for my self. It's another chapter in my book of life.


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Found my Passion in life

I think I found my passion in life and that is owning my own business. I have been giving it a lot of thought and I can't stop thinking about my passion in life. I was thinking of the pros and cons about owning my own business and I am ready to work hard and long hours to do what makes me happy.

When I was in 11th grade there was a speaker that came to my choir class to speak and I will never forget what he said about finding a career. He said you want to find a career that makes you happy and makes you want to get up in the morning and look forward to your job, rather than having a job that you get up and just go to work for 8 hours and not be happy.

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Website

I am putting together my own website so that it will help me through my journey to weight loss and my journey to running my first marathon. I am putting my Before pics and status and so much more. I also put a blog so that people who what to follow me through my process.

A new week, a better start

I just went on my walk and I feel good. I did a little jog bit mostly I walked. I am noticing that as I walk more the walking is getting easier. When it is time for me to start jogging I will still walk but jog for 30 seconds and walk for 4 minutes and do this in rotation.

When I am walking I do have thoughts running through my head. Like I want to be fit and healthy, I want to look better than my ex's wife, I don't want want to be a fat bride when it is time for me to get married.

I also did my abs and my legs.


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Falling Chocolate Cake with Raspberry Sauce

Debbie Merriam, Olives’ first baker, and Todd came up with this one together. It’s never, ever been off the menu, and it never will be.

Serves 6:
Ingredients for Chocolate Cake:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, for preparing ramekins
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour, for preparing ramekins
12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
6 large eggs

Ingredients for Raspberry Sauce :

4 cups fresh or frozen raspberries
1/2 cup sugar
1 to 3 teaspoons fresh lemon juice

Instructions for Chocolate Cake:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Generously butter and flour six 8-ounce ramekins.

Place the chocolate and butter in the top of a double boiler over simmering water. Stir until completely melted. Set aside to cool.

Place the sugar, flour and eggs in a large bowl and beat until thick and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Gently beat in the cooled chocolate mixture.

Pour the batter into the prepared ramekins, filling them two-thirds to three quarters of the way up the sides. Bake until they begin to puff up, about 15 minutes. Run a knife around the edge of each ramekin and turn the ramekin upside down on a plate to unmold.

Instructions for Raspberry Sauce: Place the raspberries and sugar in a small saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring over high heat. Boil until the sugar dissolves. Add lemon juice to taste. Let cool.

Place half the sauce in a food processor fitted with a steel blade and puree. Combine with the remaining sauce, cover, and refrigerate until cold.

To finish and assemble: Serve each warm cake surrounded by sauce, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream alongside. Garnish with confectioners’ sugar and sprigs of fresh mint.

ToddEnglish.com

ChipIn

My Business

My oh my I have been doing some thinking. It seems that the thought of me owning my own business is coming back to me. I am doing some major thinking and do I really want to do more research on owning my own business.

I want to be successful at something and I am hoping that God is leading me to this. I know it takes a lot of time, hardworking, and a lot of money to get a business going.

The business I want to own is a bridal boutique. I have never worked on a bridal boutique before but I did have 5 years in retail and I am passionate about this cause my boutique will not be like any other boutique. I have found out I can have someone help me. So people with disabilities can own their own business.
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Fighting

I took a walk today for 34 minutes around the block. I actually wanted to take a walk I felt good when I was done except for my back but it was my fault. I need to warm up and stretch before I go on a walk.


I am fighting to change my life. From finding a job to weight loss. I am focused on these and I hope that one day I will see a change from living my own life the way I want it.

Perpare: A new way of thinking

To get myself to walk more I am telling myself that I need to take a walk to help me be more active and it lets me to clear my head and get my thoughts together.It will also prepare me to take that next step to building up my stamina to help me jog and that will turn into running. These little steps are preparing me to run 5K's and my BIG GOAL is to start running marathons.

Little steps

Today I went for a walk in my neighborhood and took a different route.I took a 23 minute walk. I did feel good afterwards. On the 29th I went for 13 minutes. So I am improving little by little.

I love watching the live broadcast of Madefit TV and after she does her workout she comes on and chats. This is one of my Motivational Tools. She has inspired me to maybe run in the Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot next year. I have to get ready for this. I am walking first to help me get back to being active and helping me work toward running.


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3 Years

Its been 3 years since I joined blogger. Since then I have done a lot of blogging. A lot has changed and I am a different person I don't have Bloop Diary anymore and so Blogger is my main blog I write in.


Ghost Adventures is tonight at 8:00  for 7 hours. I am excited. I love shows like these.I used to be freaked out but now I love it. It interests me plus looking at a hot eye candy for 7 hours is a treat.

Kiki's Reviews

I have another blog where I write my reviews from the places I have eaten and to other experiences. Also since I love weddings I will have reviewing vendors.

There is a difference between quitting,failing,not trying, and giving up

• It's better to fail at something than not to try at all
• Once if you don't succeed try and try again.

I can't give up on trying to succeed on being able to run a marathon and also being a more active person. I want so many new things to happen in my life I want to run Marathons,learn to swim, learn to cook. But first if I want to get to that point I am starting off slow cause my new motto is you gotta learn to walk before you can run..

I believe things happen for a reason and when I find a job that suits me that it'll be the career that was meant for me.

A starting point

I took a walk today and I felt good after a 13 minute walk around the block. I need a good starting point to where I can devlop a routine everyday that has me doing some kind of cardio. I have to block the negitive thoughts that have me thinking that I don't feel like going for a walk. I have to get up and go and I will feel good about it.

I want to see myself reach my goals. Running marathons,learning to swim. In order for me to reach those I gotta learn to walk before I can run.
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Challenges

Through out my Journey I want to conquer some challenges such as FEAR. I have a fear of the deep of the the pool cause I don't know how to swim. I try but it's not good enough. So I will work up to that where I will be able to swim to the deep end.

I want to run marathons and maybe a Triathlon but I have to work up to that point and I have to work hard if I want to see myself achieve these goals that I am setting for myself. These are new changes I am getting excited about.

Walls are up and ready

Last night I was thinking about the walls I put up. I need these walls to help keep my mind off Tom and help me focus on my future. If he decides that the priesthood isn't for him and wants more than a friendship with me then I won't be in the state of Michigan and I will remember what he told me in the car. He told me I wasn't his type so I put up that wall and will no longer flirt with him or have him flirt with me.


Tomorrow morning I have a interview with Fisher and Company. I am hoping to get this job so that I can start working and have 1 less thing to worry about other than finding a job. I can focus on other things.


When I get this job I will see my future of buying my own car and moving to California clearer. I will be able to save money for a car,buy my own healthy grocery's, and give money to my church.


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Goal Weight Reward (Upgraded)

When I reach 120 lbs and remain that weight for a while I will reward myslef with a Professional Photography Session. I was thinking about a better way for me to do this that has me excited. I wanna do it in California, Renting a Limo and getting a California based photographer and going to a nice park and then Beach and some other places recommend by the photographer. I will also buy all new outfits along with a bikini. I will also be getting my hair and make up done by a professional. If I do this I will be paying for it and I will definitely deserve it. This is  a way to help motivated me and help me get more focused on my weight loss.

I Want!!!

All I want right now is to get a full time job, start working, save money to buy a car, buy a car, then start saving to move out.

I want to find my career so that I can start living my life.

I want to lose all this weight and be able to weigh 120 lbs. I don't want to worry about this and finding my career but all I can do now is pray, look for a job, start working and saving money.
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Changes come with Mistakes

So far my changes are doing good. I am taking it day by day and I hope these changes stick. I am feeling good and I need to keep that in mind for me to keep me motivated and keep these changes stick.

What is also helping me is writing down my feelings in this blog and my blog in Sparkpeople. I need to express my feelings to help me know what helps me to keep going. If I don't then I'll be unmotivated and lose my motivation and lose focus.

So I do want to lose weight but my main goal is to get fit and healthy.

I did eat Taco Bell but I did cardio today along with my upperbody. It's gonna take time for me to complety eat heathy but I know I'll get to that point one day it'll take time and a lot of mistakes that I'll learn along the way.
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Making changes stick

If I want to make changes in my life I will focus on that one change and making sure that I do that change everyday. If i don't then I will then try and try again until I do that change and making sure that it will stick.

One change I am doing is not eating animals. I still eat some but it's gonna take a while for me not to eat any. Also I can't eat cheese anymore cause it's to salty for me to eat which is good cause once I eliminate that from what I eat I will see some major weight loss. My taste buds are slowly changing and it's a good thing. I will see food in a different way like fast food doen't appeal to me anymore and the good and healthy foods look good.

It's up to me

No one can make me lose the weight but me. I am the only one that can make the change I want to see.

L.B.D (Little Black Dress)

If I want to buy a L.B.D  (Little Black Dress) I need to take action and in order for me to run a 5K race I need to wake up and start walking before I start running to build up my stamina.

Billy Ashley’s Twice-Baked Potatoes

Ingredients: (makes 2 potatoes)
- 2 large size baking potatoes
- 1 onion (I prefer yellow onions)
- Philadelphia Onion & Chive Cream Cheese (8 oz tub)
- A few tablespoons of half & half
-Stick of butter
- 4-6 slices of bacon
- Salt/Pepper   
* For a lower fat version, substitute olive oil for bacon grease and skim or lower fat milk for half & half

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 450 degrees
• Wrap potatoes in tin foil.
• Put potatoes in oven for approximately an hour until the potatoes are just about done. To test this, stick a fork in the potato and if you can get the fork all the way in easily, that’s where you want them.
• Unwrap the potatoes from the tinfoil. Keeping the oven at 450 degrees, put the potatoes back in oven and keep an eye on them until the skin is crispy/crunchy. To test this, poke the potato with your finger and if the skin feels crispy, it’s done.
• Take the potatoes out of the oven and cut them open down the middle so you can scoop out the filling. Keep potato skins on a plate nearby.
• Scoop out the both potatoes’ filling with a large spoon and put in a large bowl. Mix a “splash” of half and half (more or less depending on what texture you like), tub of cream cheese and a pinch of salt and pepper until potatoes are a creamy, mashed-potato-like texture.
• Put filling back into potato skins and set them to the side to cool a bit. Now it’s time to make the bacon and onions!
• Fry bacon in a large pan and leave the bacon grease to fry the onions in. Once bacon cools, crush them into bacon bits and set aside.
• Dice onion and caramelize in bacon grease so the onions are golden brown with a crispy texture. You can use a strainer or paper towel to get rid of some of the bacon grease from the onions.  Set onions aside to use right before serving.
• Sprinkle bacon bits on top of potatoes.
• Cube butter into quarter inch squares and stick 2 cubes into potatoes (while doing so you might push the bacon bits into the potato, which is intentional).
• Put the potatoes back into the oven at 450 degrees (or at broil if you need them done more quickly.)  At this point, be sure to keep an eye on the potatoes, so they don’t burn! When the top of the potato filling starts to brown on top, take them out.
• Let the potatoes cool for a few minutes then put a tablespoon or so of the caramelized onions on top right before serving.

Gotta learn to Walk before you can Run

My new motto is Gotta learn to Walk before you can Run. In order for me to run a 5K or a Marathon I gotta build up my stamina so that I am able to start running. So as a beginner I am walking for a short distance so that I am able to  get used to walking and lose some weight before I can really build enough stamina to start running. I have to make sure I am consistent and I walk everyday the same route I walked today.

Today I needed to clear my head so I put on my workout clothes and went for a walk and when I got home I felt great. I gotta start somewhere and tomorrow I am hoping that I will be able to get up and go for a walk but I am going with Jenny for a photo session of her. It's for fun and one of my hobbies.

What is helping me

So far I am trying to focus on becoming a Vegertaian. Also writing in my blog and writing in my journal is helping me focus to be in the health/fitness state of mind.

Since I don't cook that much and want to cook more I am researching how I can cook healthy foods for a week. I am putting together things that will help me with my weight loss such as weight loss tools.

These small steps will become big changes in my life and now if only I can make them stick and keep my focus then I'll be in business.


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Dear Christina

Since you first came out with Genie in a bottle I instantly become a fan of yours. I have all your CD’s and went to all of your concerts except for one. You are the only one I will see in concert. The reason I am writing you this letter is because you are such a huge inspiration to me. You have a voice of an angel and you put on one hell of a concert.

No matter how many times you transform yourself you will always be beautiful.

Your CD Striped had helped me a lot. I had went through a break up and that CD helped put me in a place to where I could have the motivation to move on. Every time someone tells me I can’t do something I put on your Stripped CD and listen to Soar and also Keep Singing  my Song. For me those two songs mean a lot to me. They get me through the tough times.

#2: My own business - Maid Service Owner

I have been thinking about it and I am not interested anymore. It was a idea and now that my heart doesn't want to do it anymore. What my career will be I am still thinking about it.

Personal Trainer

I had gotten unmotivated to working out and so then recently I was watching the Biggest Loser was thinking about if a Personal Trainer would help me and would I be committed to working out with one. I don't really commit to anything for a long period of time. I remembered a podcast called Brides Made Fit. and I went to it and started watching and that made me motivated to wot king out again..

When it all comes down to it

When it all comes down to it about me thinking about owning my own business it's all ideas. I really want to move out to California. When ever I am thinking about what my life would be like if I were to move and live the California lifestyle. Yes I know it's expensive to live there but once I get a job I will be able to save money to move to move out there.


I need a new start in my life and moving to California is what I want. I am happy when I am there to visit. There is so much to see and do and so many new experiences for me to experience.


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Vaniqa - Prescription cream clinically proven to reduce unwanted facial hair

Vegetarian Starter Kit

I actually got a Vegetarian Starter Kit from Peta in the mail today. I am gonna try it and see how it goes. I did it before but only for a day.

What is stopping me?

I have gone to a whole time low. I am not caring no matte how hard I want to be in the fitness mind. I just can't do it anymore. Maybe I am giving up but trying so hard to get back on the wagon.

Scattered Brained/Confused/Can't think straight

My thoughts are so scattered. I can't think straight. It's driving me insane. I have to figure out a way to get my thoughts in order and figure out what I want and what I want to do.

Here is what I am working with:

• Getting a job.
• Thinking about my future. if I want to own my own business.
• Thinking about what I need to do to get things started.
• If I own my own business I would have to stay here in Michigan.
• I still want to move out to California.
  

My Plan

I know what I have to do to make things happen.

1. Get a job: Being able to buy my own healthy groceries.
2. Cooking at home: Not going out to eat everyday.
3. Hiring a Personal Trainer:
   

#1: My own business - Bridal Boutique Owner

I love weddings and have gone to many weddings. I may want to open my own Bridal Boutique. My cousin Janae's friend owned one but she sold hers and then that business went out of business. If I open one I  want my business to be different. It's not only gonna be a bridal boutique where you can buy accessories but check out reviews on Vendors. It's gonna be a all in one shop. Vendors can come and promote their business to brides to be but they will have to pay a fee. Brides can see and wriete their own reviews on vendors. I will also get the chance to work with these vendors. The closest business I have seen to this is The Bridal Bar that is located in California and Atlanta I have costumer service and know how to deal with them But first I need to see if anyone is hiring so that I can get some experience in the bridal field.

Jennifer DiDonato and Made Fit TV

I  am pointing out all my problems in my weight loss struggle. I am doing this cause I have come to a point in my life where things need to start happening and changing. This is making me aware of my problems and I need to figure out a way to solve and fix these in my life. I am choosing bad choices and not focusing on what really matters 

I love watching the Biggest Loser to help make me see things I can't see and also to help motivate me. I have found out I have a local motivator that it helping me get back into the fitness state of mind. Her name is Jennifer DiDonato. She is from Sterling Heights. The first time I heard about her is when I was watching the Sterling Heights News. It's a local news show here where I live. I saw a segment about her and her company called Brides Made Fit. Even though I wasn't a Bride to be. I went to check it out and there was a lot of helpful information on fitness. Then I got distracted and forgot about it until I recently wanted to be in the fitness mind set again, so I remembered that she had a blog and now I am hooked and gonna be tuning in every Saturday at noon for her live podcast. She talks about various fitness stuff
and some recipes. She also has Made Fit which is for everyone. You should check it out at http://www.madefittv.com 

Going Green: Saving Money and the Planet

There are few things that I am doing to save Money and the Planet. I keep the lights off as much as possible. Such as during the day when I go to the bathroom I keep the lights off. Also when I am taking a shower I keep the lights off. I am used to taking a shower in the dark. I sometimes will have candles but mostly it's in the dark. I prefer it this way. I also keep all the lights off in the house.The only thing is on is either the computer or the TV.

Baby Dream

I had a dream last night that I had a baby girl. She was the cutest thing . I named her Jordan, The crazy thing is that I seen my ex in my dream I was thinking that he might of been the father.


Here is what drammoods.com says: To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings.  Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then another part of the dream was I was breastfeeding her.


Here is what drammoods.com says:Breastfeeding- To dream that you are breast feeding, symbolizes tenderness, love, nurturance, and motherly love. Good things will be at your grasp. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to be careful in who you confide in.

Nursing -  To see someone nursing or dream that you are nursing, suggests that you are nurturing a hidden aspect of yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 I hope this is a sign from God that I do have a new beginning in my life. I pray ever night that I am able to star seeing my new life take place.

Testing new iPhone application

This is totally cool. I am blogging from my iPhone in my room. This is cool.

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Brownies

1 cup of butter
2 cups of sugar
¾ cups of Cocoa
½ cup for dusting
4 eggs
1 tsp of Vanilla extract
1 ¼ cup flour
1/c tsp of salt

Rub a tiny bit of water on the inside of a jelly-roll pan (10x14), then line it with the wax paper. The water will help the  wax paper adhere to the pan. Butter the pan and Preheat oven to 340 Degrees

Melt butter. In a mixing bowl stir ¾ cup of cocoa and the sugar together , stir in melted butter. Add eggs and Vanilla and stir again. Add flour, salt and mix until smooth.

Spread the mixture evenly in the pan. Bake at 340 degrees for about 30-35 minutes or until brownies  pull away from the sides of the pan. Let cool before cutting.
 
Put the ½ cup of cocoa power in a bowl and dip the top of the brownies in it.

Chocolate Molten Cakes

4 squares BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Baking Chocolate
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1 cup powdered sugar
2 eggs
2 egg yolks
6 Tbsp. flour
1/2 cup thawed COOL WHIP Whipped Topping

PREHEAT oven to 425°F. Butter four 3/4-cup custard cups or soufflé dishes. Place on baking sheet.

MICROWAVE chocolate and butter in large microwaveable bowl on HIGH 1 min. or until butter is melted. Stir with wire whisk until chocolate is completely melted. Stir in sugar until well blended. Blend in eggs and egg yolks with wire whisk. Stir in flour. Divide batter among prepared custard cups.

BAKE 13 to 14 min. or until sides are firm but centers are soft. Let stand 1 min. Carefully run small knife around cakes to loosen. Invert cakes onto dessert dishes. Serve immediately, topped with whipped topping.

Seven Layer Dip

Layer in 9x12 glass dish
Layer 1 – 2 cans Refried beans (or 1 32oz)
Layer 2 – 3 mashed avocados, 2T lemon juice, S&P to taste (or 2 things of guac)
Layer 3 – 1 c sour cream, ½ c mayo, ½ pkg Taco Mix > mixed well
Layer 4 – 1 bunch green onions, chopped
Layer 5 - 3 tomatoes, chopped
Layer 6 - 1 can of black olives, chopped  (or trader joe's salsa from the fridge section, drained in place of 4-6)
Layer 7 – 8 oz shredded cheddar cheese

Serve with taco chips.

Cheesy Potatoes

- 1 Bag Frozen Hashbrowns
- Chopped Onion (to your liking - sometimes I use the frozen ones, maybe about a cup)
- 1 stick melted butter
- 1 can Cream of Chicken soup
- 8 oz Sour Cream
- A bag of shredded cheddar cheese (the recipe calls for I think 2 cups but I always throw in way more)
- salt and pepper to taste
- Crushed potato chips or corn flakes

Mix everything together except corn flakes/potato chips in a 9x13 pan. Cover with the crushed potato chips/corn flakes and cook for about an 45 minutes to an hour at 350 degrees.

TACO BAKE

1 lb. ground round
1 package taco seasoning
15 oz. can tomato sauce
8 oz. seashell pasta
8 oz package cream cheese (softened in microwave)
1/2 c. sour cream
8 oz. shredded sharp cheddar cheese

Brown ground beef, drain. Add taco seasoning and tomato sauce. Bring to a boil and then simmer for 20 minutes.

In the meantime, cook pasta according to directions. Drain. Mix softened cream cheese and sour cream in separate bowl.

Spray bottom of 9 x 13 pan with Pam. Put pasta in bottom of pan. Spread cream cheese mixture over pasta. (This is kind of hard to do. Just dollop spoonfuls of the mixture about an inch apart and spread the best you can.) Spoon ground beef mixture over this. Sprinkle shredded cheese on top.

Bake @ 350 for 30 minutes. Cool about 15 - 20 minutes before serving.

Alcoholic Beverages to try

Moet & Chandon Champagne
Patrón Tequila
Sparkling Nuvo
Cîroc Vodka
Chocovine Chocolate Wine - Europa Choco Vine
Tequilla Rose

Day Five 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

Today was a better day. I didn't do all that bad.  I didn't write in my food log or exericse. I feel like I am slipping but I need to keep focus until I am doing a routine of keeping a food log and exercising.

Day Four: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

Today was not a very good day. I didn't eat good and I did take my daily pills. I am gonna have more of these days I am sure of it but I have to keep going cause tomorrow is a new day to kick myself back up again.

Opening my eyes more: No more KFC

A few years ago when I saw the PETA videos I wanted to become a vegetarian I tried it for a few days and I couldn't do it. There is a lot of animals I don't eat such as deer,rabbit,duck. Recently not it's beef. After watching a video that Pamela Anderson was explaining how KFC treats the chickens it opened my eyes more than ever. If you ever want to see a video on the PETA website I will warn you now it's very hard to watch if you have a heart for animals like I do. Watching some of those videos have made me more aware of the foods I eat such as KFC. I can't eat taco Bell cause it does numbers to my stomach.. Then a few days ago I was watching The Dr.'s and they hasd a seqment about how much fat there is in a hamburger and I will not eat a fast food hamburger anymore. I need to keep my eyes more open so that I can keep with this and this isn't a one day fad for me that I get interested and lose interest the next day. I will also not eat bacon anymore. I'm working on not eating pork anymore cause I am picturing the cute little piglet being butchered.

Another Problem that needs to be solved.

I am not a cook and don't cook on a regular basics. I'm having a hard time thinking of healthy meals to prepare. I do go grocery shopping every once and a while but all I mostly get is Whole Wheat Bread,Skinless chicken,etc... I can't think of options on how to prepare good healthy meals. I am also looking for healthy breakfast meals. I am sick of making myself egg sandwiches and eating cereal.


I want to be able to make healthy meals and set aside portions through out my day. I seen The Biggest Loser say that it will help you lose the weight.

Day Three: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

Well I got up with my regular routine. As soon as I went to the bathroom I stepped on the scale and I lost 3 lbs. After the night I had last night. I kept on going to the bathroom and pooping but this wasn't the regular poop it was worst. I am not gonna say but you can think what is worst than # 2.  I feel a lot better today, I ate breakfast and took my vitamin and around 11:30 I'll take the first of the 2 Quick Trims for today.

Day Two: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

This has been a ok day. I did cheat at the end of my day by having a little slice of pie. I am pushing myself and I am focused. I am writing in my food log, drinking a lot of water, more than I need. It's getting easier for me to track what I eat if I just eat at home and avoid going out to eat and not eating at fast food. I have been doing good about avoiding this. I can't go out to eat for a while, not until I have everything under control and that is going to take a long time.

New habits to advoid the bad

Portion Control is a big problem in my diet so I am hoping to fix this slowly so that I can have them stick.

Trying to figure it out

In my heart and deep down I know what the answer to my question is about Tom. Well tonight he called, I answered and I said hello and he said hi baby baby cakes. My feelings for him are getting stronger and I feel he may be the one but right now wants to be a priest. I pray to ask for a sign to have him out of my mid so that I can stop thinking about him. But by the sound of how he is with me is that he won't survive the seminary. He still does things that if he wasn't in the Seminary.

Let's say if this doesn't work out for him and we were a couple I can see myself marring him. My feelings are even stronger knowing I don't know what is gonna happen in the future. I am still confused and trying to figure it out. How can I not if keeps on giving me these signs that he likes me. When he is still wanting to become a priest.

Journey ot a Marathon

I still want to run a marathon one day but I have to start small like run a few 5K's and so on. When I get a job and I am able to join the Team in Training team then I will be able to train for a Half-Marathon. Also when I am fit and able to do a circuit training workout with a personal trainer to kick my butt into shape hardcore. I have to work my way up to it.

Day One: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse #2

Today has been a good day. I ate good and took my Quick Trim for the day until I go to bed. have been going to the bathroom a lot which is good cause my system is being flushed out. I am not eating past 8:00 p.m. anymore. That is gonna be one of my new life habits. I will eat before 8 and nothing after. Oprah and Khole of what I read do this. I drink a lot of water today. More than 8 glasses. I am feeling a little lighter since I have been going to the bathroom a lot.

Losing weight has 2 meaning. The fist one when I goggled it was eating healthy and exercising and there is the other side to it. of how does the body lose wight the weight is by going to the bathroom by peeing or pooping.

I am looking into weight loss tools such as food scales and the Fit & Fresh food storage containers. I was looking through Sparkpeople and they have 4 different kinds of food storage containers. The Fit & Fresh Smart Portion Lunch Kit/Fit & Fresh Meal on the Go Combo Kit/Fit & Fresh Smart Portion Prep Kit/Fit & Fresh Gourmet Cuisine Kit. This is something I need to help me with my portion control.

I also started keeping a food log. I haven't worked out yet but I will do some weight training as soon as I get off. I am gonna be focusing on my upper body. No cardio yet cause I am taking it slow so that I don't give up.

Day One: 14 Day Diet and Cleanse

This is day one of my new health plan and I took my first 2 pills of Quick Trim Iso Burn. I am drinking lots of water. I also took my One-A-Day Vitamin as usual. I have a positive mind and I am confident if I take it one day at a time I will stay on the wagon. I still have to exercise do 30 minutes of cardio and weight training and I have 2 more Quick Trim Iso Burn pills to take and before bed time I have 4 Iso Cleanse pills.

No more Diets. Now it's a Health Plan.

I start my new health plan on Monday. Got my Quick Trim 14 day cleanse and Extreme Burn from GNC. Now for 3 days I have to get ready for my new life by watching what I eat and start exercising on a daily basics. I am confident that I can stick to this new lifestyle. I just have to take it one day at a time and put a lot of focus in starting my new lifestyle. I can't give up.

Wake up Call

I was watching The Dr.'s this morning and I got a wake up call. I saw how much fat there is in cheeseburger and all I have to say is that I have to remind myself of what I saw this morning. I am starting to give up on fast food like Taco Bell. I have to stop eating processed cheese. It's makes stuff taste better but when I had Veggie slices it was the same and I lost weight.

Instead of using butter at home I use Smart Balance Onega 3. It's healthy for the heart and better for my health. Then for yogurt I have Yoplait. To curb my craving I chew Extra Sugar free gum. The Spearmint is my favorite. I am taking small steps to end my bad habits and that will lead to bigger changes.

Stopping the excuses

Queen Latifah,Monique, Kelly Osborn,Beth Chapman. These woman have all lose weight. They are all skinny. Why can't I do this and I can't. I don't know what my problem is that I can't be focused on eating healthy and exercise. I can't figure out what is stopping me from focusing on my health. If my problem is my laziness then I have to figure out what I can do I change this.
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Diet Pills

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I have used many different kind of products in the past and the one that has worked for me was Hydroxycut and now I am about to get Quick Trim which is a product that Kim and Khloe Kardashian used to lose weight. I wanna see if this will be something that I like and I can use on a daily basics. I know Khloe also exercised for 45 minutes, 5 days a week. I am on the other hand is going to take it slow and try and see if I can be committed to working out and eating healthy. I have to make the effort and quit with the BS excuses I keep telling myself.

What will Week 2 bring me?

I have been getting a lot of physical activity in. Exercise and moving around. Last week was a bad week but I am hoping that this coming week is better. I have a craving for sweets and I am trying to fight it. Since there is no sweets in the house I can't eat anything. This is like torture but I know I can fight it and let it pass. I gotta keep telling my self that I don't need it and hoping that will stick in my brain.

I need to focus on what I eat and track that and stay between my calories I need for the day which is 16oo calories and get in physical activity weather it be walking in my neighborhood,going to the gym and also I need to get in weight training.

California Scale

On a scale of 1 to 10 on how happy when I visit my sister in California is definitively be a 10. On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy I am here living in Michigan is a 7. I don't know what I would rate living there but I will when I move there in the near future then I will be able to rate it.

I am open to new things in my life and moving to California will have to be the place for me.

The wrong way

A while back Tom had told me that he doesn't have feelings like I do for him. I don't remember what he excatly said but meaning is that He doesn't like me in a why I like him but he doesn't know that. When he told me that I said yeah I like you as a friend. But what I don't get is that before he went into the seminary he would flirt with me but maybe I took it the wrong way. I am trying not to think about him cause knowing that he is gonna be a priest I know I don't have to think about me hooking up with him.

Digital Food Scale

I need to buy a digital food scale to help me with my portion control. It's gonna be hard to get into the habit of eating the proper portions. I bought a calorie book and now all I need is to take things slow and and focus and write down when I eat and track my calories,fat grams, etc... I also am starting back to drinking my 8 glass of water.

It's a start......Small steps

I don't get it. I seen Tom yesterday it's like he is hardly changing. I still have feeling for him that I gotta stop. I gotta focus on my Career. That and my weight loss are #1.

Well I didn't do what I wanted to do today but I did my upper body. I did biceps,triceps,butterflies, Shoulders, and abs. I forget to write in my food journal and I stayed up late last night and eat bad but at least I am making a little change by exercise. I know that I don't have a boyfriend and I am not engaged I have the thought in my mind of not being a fat bride or to put it in nicer terms a plus size bride. I want to be able to walk into any store and not think about my size. I hope once I start to lose weight that my feet will get thinner there are a lot of cute shoes I like and would like to get and can't cause of my wide feet.

My Journey to my first Marathon

You gotta learn to walk before you can run. Meaning that I have to start small by walking to build my endurance so that I am able to jog and then being able to run for a long period of time. This isn't a new goal of mine. I want to start to run a 5k then step it up to a half Marathon and run a full marathon. It's going to take a lot of hard work but I have to focus and put my mind to it.

Well this coming week is my first week of starting a new routine and my plan for this week is to start off walking for 15 minutes on Monday then on Tuesday rest/weights,Wednesday is 3o minutes, Thursday rest/weights, Friday 30 minutes, Saturday and Sunday is rest/weights. This is a simple plan that will get me started

Along with walking I have to start eating healthy.I am trying to find a way to start but every time I do I fail. So my bad habits of being lazy and not exercising and horrible eating habits are hard to break. I gotta find a way of fixing these and not having them come back again in while I know they will.

Game Time

Well on Saturday, September 12 is my yearly trip to the Big House. I am excited. This is another thing that makes me happy. I don't know how many times I ahve been to a game but I do know my first game was when my older sister was in college there. Now it's going through a change with is still being the largest stadium in the NCAA. There is not a greater feeling of being in the big house and cheering on the Wolverines. Last year I was at the Utah game and a woman was going to her seat and she was amazed and said "This is the Big House" and I was thinking hell yeah and even though Michigan didn't have a good year last year this year is going to a good start with a win against Western Michigan. GO BLUE!!!!
i've been going since

Making the effort

I got a wake up call today when I went to Cranbrook for a walk with my friend Jenny. We went from garden to garden and I was out of breath and it was hard for me to walk after a while and also how out of shape I am. Now I need to get myself in gear and wake up, have breakfast and go for a walk for 15 minutes. I need to set a routine so that I can follow it every day and make a EFFORT to stick to a plan and lose this weight. I don't know what my problem is. Why can I follow through at something (such as weight loss) and finally lose this weight. I hope I can find a way to stop this cycle of thinking and just get to a plan that will work.

My $230,000 Dream

A couple nights ago I had a dream that I was at a casino and I won $230,000 and so I looked it up a few seconds ago and here is what is says on dreammoods.com....

Money
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To see or win money in your dream, indicates that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money may represent confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself. Alternatively, dreaming about money, refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart. It is frequently a symbol for sexuality and power.

Casino
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To dream that you are in a casino, signifies the risk-taker within you. If you are a reserved or passive person, then the dream suggests that you should take a chance. If you are not, then it implies that you need to make a more informed decision instead of relying on fate.

Add on

I also don't have a have a regular daily routine. I get up at different times and eat at different times. It's hard to develop a routine. I need to get up early, eat a helathy breakfast,exercise and keep active through out the day.

I am finding out my problem spots and I have to find ways to eliminate them from my life.

Diets

I am gonna look in the Raw Food Diet and also other healthy diets that look appealing to me. I hate eating the way I do everyday. Unhealthy and boring.

I am now on Twitter

So I gave in and signed up today for Twitter. Why? I don't know. I am gonna try it out and see if I like it. If I don't then I will either leave it alone or delete it.

I am starting to get my mind into Health/Fitness mode. I wanna workout and take my first step and start walking around the my neighborhood. I just can't get started. I know I have to put my mid to it and start walking when I don't want to and maybe that will start me up again.

I have been on this Journey on this Diet wagon for a long time. Since I was 7 and that is been a long time and I just want to finally end this journey and start a new one by Maintaining the weight I want to be at but now this wagon has just stopped and didn't wanna go anywhere.

I also have been thinking that when I get married I don't want to be a fat bride. I want to look good in my pictures. I don't know when that will be but I gotta start NOW.

Carbs

Michigan Stadium: The Big House

Dream

Dream. I love to dream about my futue how it's gonna be. What Career I am gonna end up having to when I am gonna get married and how many kids I will have and if I will ever make it to California. All I can do now is dream and one day I will come to see these things.

Nutritionist and Personal Trainer

I wish I had the money for a Nutritionist and Personal Trainer. I was thinking about this and maybe it will help me but the thing is that I won't be able to stick to what ever they throw at me. Like eating healthy and sticking to a exercise routine maybe the reason I failed at this is that I have tired to do it on my own and I don't stick with it for either a day or 2 weeks.

If I do decide to go with these and try them out I have to be dedicated to sticking with a program. I also have to be able to afford it too.

I don't want to be fat anymore

Tom called me on my sell and left a message and apologized and said that he didn't know that he hung up on me and he didn't want any bad feelings between us. I just need a few days to calm down before I call him and talk to him again.

I was thinking about when I get married. I don't want to be a fat bride. I want to be able to look great in my dress. I saw how my ex's wife Amanda looked in hers and I don't want to look like that. My wedding will be a lot better than hers. I will have top notch Vendors. My dress will be a lot nice and expensive than hers.

I don't want to be fat anymore. My mom told me that I shouldn't have red meat anymore. It's bad for my health and also she told me she doesn't want me to have a heart attack and die. She was walking behind me as we were coming out of MGM Casino and told me that if my back side looked like my front meaning my backside is thinner than my front. All my weight is mostly in my belly. I need to lose that and fat on my legs, arms, and my neck (buffalo hump). I hate my buffalo hump that my mom referrals to as a camel hump. I also hope my feet will get thinner as I lose the weight. I am a 8 1/2 wide width. I want to wear all these cute high heel shoes but my feet are so damn wide.

I also can not wait until I am able to lose all this weight and have a photo session with a new body and a new wardrobe with some cute outfits. I am still looking into photographers. I have a few in mind. The money isn't a issue. I just want some kick ass looking photos. It's been a long time since I had a professional picture done. The last time was when I was in high school and that was 11 years a

He left today

Tom left for the Seminary today. I got pissed at him last night cause he hung up on me for no reason at all. He got pissed at me cause I didn't call him to tell him that I wasn't coming over. Then he hung up on me. I don't need to deal with that now. I just hope he sees this through for 6 years and becomes a priest.

Late NIght Blogging

Well Tom called me late at night and it's been a while since he has done this. He is leaving for the Seminary on Wednesday. I told him I would pray that he makes it but something in me makes me think that he won't make it through but I pray that he will and he will become a priest.

I can't stop thinking about when I get married. I am not even sure who I will marry. All I know is that it will be better than my ex's and my friend's Sarah's wedding. I will write more tomorrow.

I'm going to is better than wanting

I was thinking last night that I was always saying that I want to move to California when I should be saying I am going to move to California with in the next few years. As soon as I start a job and save enough money for rent and to buy any supplies I will need for my apartment.

I am hoping that I can find a job soon so that I am able to save enough money early and I am closer to moving to California.

Food :Log

I have a hard time keeping track of what I eat. I hate logging the calories/fat grams/carbs. I watch my sodium intake> I gotta get in the habit of drinking 8 glasses of water again.

I gotta discipline myself and resist the temptations of the bad foods. I am gonna write down what fruits and veggies I like.

I can't get myself motivated

I am the only one that can change me and do something about it. But I can't get into the habit of being more active. I want to get into running but I hear so many things about you need to start off but walking then run a minute but then I heard that I need to start getting in to routine of just walking a treadmill and then build up my endurance into jogging then start running. I know that I will quit of I start off with just trying to run. I want to run Marathons for Charity and sign up for the Team in Training. I am so confused. I don't know who to listen to and where to start up again. When I was younger it was easy for me to get back on the diet wagon and now it's harder and I just can't get myself to get back on. I want and need to be more active. It's better said then done and I need to start somewhere. I heard that you need to start even when you don't even feel like it. I can't get myself motivated.


I also need to discipline myself. I want to eat healthier. I am not giving up carbs and cheese right away. I need to slowly limit how much I eat of both.

Motivation

Today's Horoscope

Your mind could be on service to others today, Kristine. You've been doing very well for yourself, and therefore you might be thinking in terms of sharing your good fortune in some way. A friend may have some ideas for groups that you both could get involved with. Make sure before you commit to anything that you really want to do it. You won't want to be entrusted with a cause, and then let others down. Be certain!

Taco Bell

I can no longer eat Taco Bell anymore. IT does agree with my stomach and it doesn't taste good anymore. This is a good thing cause this is one less junk fast food place I don't have to go.

Love is on my mind

Horoscope for today

Love is probably on your mind for most of the day, Kristine, so give your heart the full attention that it desires. It could be that you are having trouble communicating with a loved one right now, so try to be patient. It is one of those situations in which you are trying to pass someone on the sidewalk and as you move left, the other person moves right. If you move right, the other person moves left. Each time you bump into each other head on. Let the other person make the first move.

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Love has always been on my minf. I want to be and feel loved. I am just waiting for that time when I will be the right guy that will come into my life and love me for me.

Green Tea

I am getting sick of always drinking water but I know that I need my water but I found a way to get my water and also get more healthier. I love Green Tea so I will boil water and add 4 tea bags and cool it then I will add 2 packets Splenda to sweeten it up. I need 3 cups a day to get in the health benefits I need to keep me healthy.

Support

Well I am so glad to have support in my weight loss journey. I used to have 2 gyms and soon I will only have one. I signed up for LA Fitness cause it was new and it had up to date equipment. Well I just canceled that. My older sister used to being but she is canceled hers a long time ago. I have thought about it and I hardly ever go and its a waste of money. So now I can have peace of mind knowing I don't have to pay for something I am not using anymore. I don't like Fitness USA but since I have been a member for a long time it's a lot cheaper than LA Fitness.

Pushing Myself to Change Myself

I need to push myself to workout so that I can start exercising Once I start getting into it I will hopefully be motivated into workout a lot more often.

Mt old classmate almost lost 50 lbs and now she is a lot skinner than me. I keep asking myself "What is wrong with me, why can't I stick to something for more then a couple of months". I am pissed at myself for doing this through out my life. I need to break my habit and start getting serious about my weightless and stop kidding myself. I am 30 years old and as I get older I want it's gonna be a lot harder for me to lose this weight. I know this is my decision and what I am deciding now is to slowly change my habits from my bad eating to my laziness and now I have to Eat healthier and be more active in my life. That is a change that I will slowly get myself into.

berry yogurt parfaits

one small tub of yogurt
Plus 1 cup of granola
1 cup of berries
a little bit of honey mixed in.

They say when you don't have junk food in the house then you are less likely to eat it. Well in my case I still live with my parents and unemployed. When I do get a job I will save money to go grocery shopping for myself so that I can cook for myself and have it be healthy. It will also save money.

I have to weigh in next week on the 20th and then again on the 31st. I know that I won't win the competition against my mom but I still have a few more weeks to at least lose a little.

Tomorrow is a new Day

Tomorrow is a new day to start a new healthy lifestyle. I need to become more active. depends on the weather if its' not too hot, I wanna go on a walk for at least 15 minutes. I need to clear my head and start fresh but I know that little thing inside my head in gonna say ahh I don't feel like it I'll go later or tomorrow. I don't know what it is but it usee to be easy for me to go back on track but sice I got older and a lot of failure in my past has gotten me to this pint and that voice that popped into my head discouraging me chagne my lifestyle.

I need to find a way to get rid of that little voice that is no good in my wanting to change my life.
I also have to TRY and not give up so easy. I am 30 and I need to start this again and stick with it. I have to give up the excues and start taking care of myself.