Dreams

Lately I have been having these common dreams and I hope they are trying ot tell me something. So every time I have a dream I look it up on dreammoods.com.

1. Last night I have had a dream that I saw a ring on my left finger. The finger you would have your wedding ring on. I couldn't get it off. Here is what this dream means....To see or receive a ring in your dream, symbolizes emotional wholeness, continuity, commitments and honor. If the ring is on your finger, then it signifies your commitment to a relationship or to a new endeavor. You are loyal to your ideals, responsibilities, or beliefs.
2.  Then a few nights ago I had a dream that I seen a concert and it was simple minds and the 2 songs I heard was Don't you for get about me and Alive and Kicken. When I got up I had  Don't you for get about me. I love 80's music.Here is what this dream means....To hear harmonious and soothing music in your dream, signifies prosperity and pleasure. You are expressing your emotions in a positive way. Music serves to heal the soul.
3. Last week I had a dream about fish and they were out of water. I tried to pick them up with some bags cause I hate touching fish. Here is what this dream means....The fish is also an ancient symbol of Christianity and Christian beliefs. Consider the common phrases "like a cold fish", "fish out of water" or something that is "fishy" about a situation. It may also imply a slippery or elusive situation. Perhaps your dream could be telling you that "there are plenty of other fish in the sea", with regards to some relationship issue.

On the edge of quitting

I haven't wrote in a long time and since then I got a job that I hate. It was a HUGE mistake to accept it. They treat me like shit just like K-Mart did. But this time im not taking it anymore. I want to quit sooo BAD. I am on the edge of just saying screw it but I am waiting for to see if they lose this account cause it's better for me to get laid off then to quit. I have quit jobs before and I will do it again.

I can not stand this job anymore I wish I could just find another one but it's harder then it seems.


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Recent reviews by Kristine Z.

What's this?

It's Offical

I was talking to Tom last night and he was asking me if I wanted to go to a Air show and I said why don't you ask Cheryl (the girl he likes) and told me that I see her as a gf and he concedes me a bff. So that confirms it and I told him I had some bad news and that I have made up my mind that I will be moving to California, he said awe. That's ok I was thinking about moving up north. He doesn't want to be a priest anymore but he wants to be a professior. He changes his mind so many times. I gave up and the ties are gone and the wall and sheild are still up so that my heart can mend.

Me moving to California will give me a new start in my life and a new chapter in my life. I can't stop thinking about how happy I will be when I move there. I love the atmosphere and vibe when I visit.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Big things are happening

Well I'm at work and everyone got done early we are just waiting for Urgent Care to close at 10 so we can go in there and clean and I'll be done in 10 minutes. Hopely no one will come in last minute like yesterday. I now have an hour until Urgent Care closes and then we can be on our way. Right now it looks like no one is in the waiting room. It looks quiet and that is a good sign.

I'm almost done with my second week here at work. I can't believe how fast this day and week is almost over. I still hate this job and I won't quit until I can find another job. I also need the money. I got a lot of saving to do. First is car insurance and then there is my trip to California next year and then my big trip to Greese in a couple years. So that is a lot of hard work.


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Career Path

The more I look for a job path that deals with cleaning the more I don't want to do that on life. It's a job that no one wants to do and you look down upon.

I just started a job on Monday. I just got done with my first week and I survived that. It's a crappy job that I hate doing. It's only temporary until I can find something better.

When I'm working all I think about is my future and how bad I want to start my own business. I will not be in the cleaning industry for long. Just until I can find another job.

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One Step Closer

I have been working for 3 days and everyday I am getting used to being on my feet. Everytime I work I keep telling myself that I am getting closer to saving money for my future. A car is the first thing I need to save money for and second is my future business with a few spending cash such as a personal trainer and for my eating plan that I want to get from Everyday Gourmet.

Now I need to focus on what I need right now and that is weightloss so that I my job isn't as hard.

I don't like my job but I know it's only tempory until I can find something better.

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Polish Cucumbers and Sour Cream

• 2 lg. cucumbers
• 1/2 c. sour cream
• 2 tsp. sugar
• 1 tsp. finely chopped chives
• 1 tsp. chopped dill, if desired
• 1 tsp. salt
• Dash of pepper
• A little vinegar

 

Peel and slice cucumbers very thin. Cover with boiling water, let stand for 20 minutes. Drain and plunge cucumbers into ice water. Let stand a few minutes, then drain again, well. Place in refrigerator for half hour to chill.Mix sour cream with sugar, pepper, chives, dill then salt cucumbers. Then mix with sour cream mixture. Add a little lemon juice or vinegar. Serve very cold.

Shield, Wall, Cut the ties, & Clear the mind

Shield the heart, put up a Wall, Cut the ties, & Clear the mind. As I was done saying this to myself my cell phone rang and it was Tom in his low tone of voice asking me what I was doing this weekend. He asked if I wanted to come over and see a movie over his house cause his parents we're gonna be going to Florida with his sister for a week. I don't know what he has planned. I don't know what he wants and I'm not gonna wait anymore.


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Fish Oil Pills

I read a article about how fishoil can help with depression. I've been feeling down for a while now. I wanted to get out of this slump so when I heard that if you take a fishoil pill it'll help with depression. I've been taking these since I heard. I feel alot happier and it also helps your heart.

I forgave Tom yesterday. I heard from Rev Run on Twitter said: "Love is like quicksand, the deeper u fall in it,the harder it is to get out of it". This is so true. No matter how much Tom pisses me off. I have fallen in love with him and I've fallen hard. We were at National Coney Island yesterday and out of the blue he told me to give me daj buzi and then I told him in Polish on moje bupa. I think he seriously wanted me to kiss him but then again he jokes a lot. I wish he knew what he wanted. If he likes me then why can't he tell me. I'm old fashioned so I'm waiting for him to make the right moves to tell me what he wants.


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He's done it again

Yes, it's right. He's done it again. I'm not gonna answer my phone when he calls. I'm seriously thinking about not being friends with him. I don't need his friendship if he is gonna keep on disappointing me. I do forgive but I never forget but if you do it one too many times like Tom did it gonna make me question my friendship with him like I am doing now.


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Positives & Negitives

I'm thinking about the Positives & Negitives to Tom. I'm really confused. I don't have time to deal with this (think about it). My #1 pritory is to find a job and start making money.

I'm also still thinking about moving to Cali and opening up a business there. So I do have alot on my mind and on my plate. I'm not waiting for no one. I have nothing holding me back here so it's easier to make a real decision when it comes down to it.
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Selfish Asshole

I have come to realize that Tom is completly selfish and all he does is think about himself. I don't need a friend like that. Where it's all one sided. I don't want to have a friendship that it's all onesided.

Karma is a bitch and I love it when someone really deserves it like Tom does. He deserves a lot more for what he has done to me. I need a new life and by me moving to Cali will give me that. I'll get to meet new people and make new friends.

I'm ready to take a step to renewing my life. And as of now I don't count that Tom will be part of that life.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Recipe: New England Lobster Rolls by Emeril Lagasse

Servings: 4 Difficulty: Easy Cook Time: 1-30 min

4 New England Style Hot dog buns
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter melted
1/3 cup mayonnaise, homemade, or good-quality store-bought
2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup finely chopped celery
1 tablespoon minced shallot
1 tablespoon minced fresh tarragon leaves
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley leaves
1 teaspoon chopped fresh chives
1 pound freshly cooked lobster tail and claw meat, cubed (from two 1 3/4-pound lobsters)
Serve with Cape Cod Potato Chips, Kettle Cooked

Cooking Directions
Preheat the grill or broiler.
Using a pastry brush, spread the inside and outside of each bun with the melted butter. Grill or broil the buns quickly to warm them through. Set the buns aside.
Combine the mayonnaise, lemon juice, and salt in a bowl, and mix well. Fold in the celery, shallot, tarragon, parsley, and chives. Then fold in the lobster meat. Place 1 bun on each plate, and divide the lobster salad evenly among the buns.
Serve immediately, with Cape Cod Potato Chips, Kettle Cooked alongside.

The last time

I am so disapointed right now. I am never asking my so-called-friend Tom to do anything. He always let's me down. He has done it too many times and it hurts me. He always wants me to go over his house, he never comes and sees me neither does Sarah or Elliot. I'm always going over there. I guess I'm not concidered a friend to them. I now just go on with my life and I'm focused on getting a job and myself. I have other friends I can hang out with.

Tom is a total turn off. I have a new look towards him. Today was the last time I've had enough.


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Refreshed & Renewed

This past Saturday I had the chance to get away from my life here at home and I went with my parents to our cottage up north.

It was good that I did. I needed a little mini vacay to clear my mind and enjoy the awesome views that I loved as a kid. I did some soul searching too. When I got back home I felt Refreshed & Renewed.


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An Author

I am in the process of writing a book about my journey through weight loss. It won't be done until I am done with this weight loss journey. I am hoping to publish it when I maintain my ideal weight.


I will post my before and after pictures and describe my goals along my journey.


I also have a few more books I am working on that doesn't deal with my journey. Maybe I am meant to be a author.


I gotta find what my career and I should be doing it by now but in my sisuation it's harder than it sounds.

I have been thinking alot. I'm searching deep inside the things that bother me. Well I need to let it out. Here it goes....

It bothers me and pisses me off when my mom tells me to be nice to my sisters that I'm gonna need them one day. She thinks I'm gonna end up like my friend Holly who can't really fend for herself and when her mother passes away one of her brothers are gonna take care of her.

I wish I was successful like they were. I will be one day. I just need to prove to my family I can make something of myself. Yes I am jelous of them. Their success, friends, and amount of money they make is what I dream about and hope I am able to have a life of my own one day.

When will I see my hopes and my dreams come true. Be able to accomplish things in my life.

I really do hate my life now. It's hard to get a job and I'm still trying to figure out what I am supposed to do in life and where am I supposed to be. All I gotta do is pray and hope it turns out the way it's supposed to.

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Fat Acceptance: Not for me

Who wants to except being overweight or overweight/obsese. I sure don't. I hate being obese. I can't believe that there are groups out there such as the NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) which is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. There are pros and cons to being FAT. But there are more cons than pros.

Being FAT is not healthy. Being thin and healthy is.


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Losing Focus on my Priorities

Hroscope for April 14, 2010
About ten days ago it may have occurred to you that you should be making more of an effort to advance your career, If so, it will be easier for you to accept the challenges of today, as there is some probability you'll be asked to perform to the highest levels of perfection. Be careful not to lose yourself in the attempt! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I procrastinate a lot and I lose focus on what my priorities are. What I need to focus on is a job and weight loss. I am in a funk and I feel depressed.I want to get up and exercise and keep focused on finding a job. I am losing motivation on both. I am trying to figure out what my problems are and it's a lot harder than it is.

Dr. Phil Show Topic

I caught the last few minutes of Dr. Phil show about The Ultimate Fat Debate. They had Jillian Michales from The Biggest Loser, MeMe Roth, president of the anti-fat organization National Action Against Obesity, Michael Karolchyk, owner of the Anti-Gym, Peggy Howell from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, Marianne Kirby, author of Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere; Erica Watson, comedienne and star of the one-woman show "Fat Bitch".

I haven't seen Dr. Phil in a while but when I was channel surfing it caught my eye. This was a discussion about the insident that Kevin James got kicked off a Southwest Flight cause he was too fat.

I wanted to touch base on Peggy Howell from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. I don't get how someone is happy with the body that their in and doesn't want to become fit (thin) and healthy.

I'm strugging and trying to figure out what is keeping me from working out at the gym.

I'm pissed at that MeMe Roth, president of the anti-fat National Action Against Obesity. With such a stupid stereotypical organization.


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Finding the Right Gym for me

I'm not even using the gym I do now so will I do the same I as I did with the last 2 gyms I've joined. I sign up and go a few times. I don't know why I don't use it maybe because I don't like to exercise and I'm lazy. I don't even workout at home cause I am sick of the workout DVD's and I can't even get myself to take a simple walk in my neighborhood.


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Random Dream: Part Wedding

I had some random dreams last night and part of that was a wedding dream. I was at my wedding reception. My wedding planner told me and my husband to erase the dry erase boards. There were two small ones. I looked over to him and saw a face. It wasn't that clear but it was the face of Tom my friend/the guy I like. I hope this is a sign from GOD. I can see myself marrying him and having him by my husband. He's got some of the qualities I want in in a boyfriend. He's Cathloic, loving, caring, comes from a good family, he also told me he changed his mind about having kids after watching his nephew how the joy on his face made him feel about wanting kids.

There are some blocks in the road that I am waiting to brush away. Like he told me he still wants to be a priest but maybe in another state or being a brother. He doesn't know what he wants. He told me he is still young that he's got time to think about what he wants. I am hoping when he goes to Florida that he has a lot of time to think about his future and what direction he wants to go in his career. I hope that dream I had will come true and GOD has given me a sign that he is the one I am gonna marry. The best thing yet about this dream wad that I seen myself in my dress and I was THIN!!


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He did it again

Tom and I were supposed to do something today but plans had changed. I am DONE. I am pissed. The guard is up strong and the walls won't be coming down anytime soon. I will be focusing on me and my life. He makes plans and then most of the time he doesn't follow through. Then there is when I am trying to speak and he talks over me and he has the nerve when I do it to him he tells me let me talk. All he cares about is himself and he thinks he's always right.

I won't be hanging out with him anytime soon nor I will be answering the phone when he calls. He has done this too many times and to him our friendship is nothing to him. He lies and breaks promices. Our friendship has changed and I will never trust him or believe him for a long time.


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Hope things are starting to look up

I am excited that I got a job interview tomorrow at Oakmont. Which is right across from where I live. I hope and pray something comes from this. I don't know if it's for housekeeping or a dietary aid. I feel confident about this and I hope whatever job it is I will be able to do it. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. I am so sick and tired of looking for jobs. All I want is to establish myself and have my own life living on my own rather than living with my parents.

I get this job and that will mean a start for me to saving money for a car and I can focus on what most means to me and that is my career. What that will be I hope is to start my own business. I can't give up. I will try my best to get all the help I need to help me succeed. I am doing this on my own. I will tell my parents and everyone else when things start to happen.

Vegan Raspberry Vinaigrette

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
 
1/2 cup raspberries, fresh or frozen
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 tsp sugar subistute
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1/4 cup vegetable oil
 
Preparation:
Add all ingredients, except oil to a blender or food processor and  
puree until smooth. Slowly add oil until well combined.

Vegan 'Honey' Mustard Dressing

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
3 1/2 Tbsp Lemon Juice
1 Tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1/3 Cup Agave Nectar Light
2 1/2 Tbsp Spicy Brown Mustard
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 Clove of Garlic
Black Pepper to taste
1/3 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
 
Makes 8 servings of 2 Tablespoons
 
Directions:
In a blender or with a hand blender combine all ingredients except for  
the Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Blend ingredients while slowly adding EVOO.
 
....and ta da! "Honey" Mustard Dressing!
 
*For a thicker/creamier version of the dressing substitute EVOO with 4  
tbsp Nayonaise and 1/2 cup soft tofu!*
 
Number of Servings: 8
 
Recipe submitted by SparkPeople user JAMIELEAPORRECA.
 
Number of Servings: 8

Tortilla Rollups

Ingredients
16 oz fat-free cream cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
8 oz fat-free feta cheese
9 oz frozen spinach
2 whole english (seedless) cucumbers
10 (10 inch) flour tortillas
1.Thaw and drain the spinach and set it off to the side
2. In a bowl, Soften the cream cheese
3. Stir in the feta cheese until it is blended with the cream cheese (if it is in a block, chop into crumbles with a fork)
4. Mix in the paremesan cheese until blended with the cream cheese mixture
5. Add the spinach and mix until blended
6. When mixed, mold into a ball in the bowl and place on wax paper and shape it into a ball
7. Place the ball on a dish, chop up cucmber into 1″-2″ slices and serve
   Servings: Approximately 42 - Serving size: 2 tablespoons

Why I want to lose weight?

1. Be healthier & Fitter

To look better than Brigette & Amanda
Shop at stores I couldn't before

I don't want to be fat anymore/
diabetic/die young/a fat bride/worry about what people are thinking about me about my weight.

I want to be fit/healthy/live a healthy lifestyle/like what I see in the mirror/

When temptation strikes I give in and when I am done I have guilt.

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Hints Part 2

I was hanging out with Tom yesterday. After he picked me up we were driving for a bit and around 5:40-5:45 his friend Matt called and he called me his girlfriend. There has been other times in the past that he has called me his girlfriend. But later that day when he introduced me to his other friend he called me his really good friend.

He always tells me he loves me. At first I thought it was for friends then more and more hints begin to happen and I figured it out. I wanted to deny my feelings but when I finally came clean I knew I liked him.

He also makes sexual remarks to me at times. Like putting his hands between my legs to keep them warm and touching and sucking my boobs.

I just don't know anymore. But there are a couple of negitive things that has happened. He kinda pushes away from me. Like he told me I wasn't his type and I responded to him to the answer of the reaction as you aren't my type either. That was the big one. Also on Wednesday he did some kind of thing and he told me he was joking. I hope he isn't just being funny and messing with my head. If he is I will no longer want to be friends with him.


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Think like a Trainer

Maybe if I think like a personal trainer who works out all the time then I can get my mind straight and stop making excuses and just get up and go to the gym without even thinking about it. I know when I want to go I think about it and I end up not going. My mind is full of EXCUSES that lead me to nowhere and just keep me from making my dreams come true.

I need to get a handle on this and figure out how to stop what is holding me back.


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I have to move on

I have given a lot of thought about the remark Tom said to me in the car about me not being his type. You think that I would get the hint. But what gets me is that he flirts with me. But I decided to move on and put up another guard to help keep me focused on what needs to be focued on and that is ME. That means me finding a job so that I can help establish myself, find my career, and have weightloss.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Positive Mind Set

I talked to Tom over Facebook Chat a little bit ago. He told me he has had it with the seminary. How all he has to do is look for a job that is plan b for him. He is looking for a job in Florida why I don't know what is so special in Florida.

Anyways, I haven't done a workout in 2 days and I have been slipping. I know I am gonna have those days once in a while and all I have to do is stick it out and go back to my positive mind set and get back on the wagon to continue my journey. There is no stopping me now. I want weightloss and I am gonna try my hardest to see my goal weight.

With Tom I do have my guard and wall up until I am 100% sure I am supposed to be with him. When he said Hi to me first after that was do I want to do something and that he was thinking about leaving the seminary cause he doesn't have his heart into it anymore. I guess that whatever is meant to be it's meant to be or not and we'll remain friends.


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Back to Business

I am back to thinking about my Bridal Boutique Business. I need to really know if I am meant to do this. I can't give up cause if I do I will never know if this is my career.

I haven't talked to Tom since that day when I talked to him over Facebook chat. Maybe it's for the best we aren't supposed to be together and just remain friends. I guess it's for the best and I am fine with that. I have put my guard back up. I have always had my wall up but now that the guard is back up I am totally focused on me.

I will keep my wall up until I can truely know I can trust the man I am going to be with for the rest of my life.


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Everyday Pritories

I have to make Exercise without making any Excuses and Eat healthy.

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I don't want to be fat bride

This has been on my mind. I don't want to hate what I see in photographs or on video. I want to be able to wear anything I see in stores.

I am getting to where I want to be. I am focused and motivated to finally see me at a weight I have been wanting for a long time.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Oh not again

I was chatting with Tom last night through Facebook chat and he was telling me that the priesthood isn't for him he is looking at other options. He told me he might want to move to Florida so that he can start working and make money so he can make something of himself. He told me if he'd move he would miss his friends and family since they are all here.

He asked me how I was and how my job search was going. I told him I was still looking. I also told him there is other things I am focusing on and that was a man. I said no guy would want to date someone like me and he said that was a good goal. Not the answer I was looking for but I am once again putting up my wall and focusing on my career and weight loss like I have been doing lately. I am all I am thinking about.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Almost There

I talked to Tom last night for almost 3 hours. He told me that he's not going to be a priest. So that makes me 75% almost to where I need to know. All I need is to be assured by him telling me that he wants to take our friendship to another level and when that happens I will be there 100% and I can fully let my guards down and tell him my feeling for him. When I tell him I will have the weight lifted off my shoulders.

I can see myself being with him. A few years ago. I think it was 2008. I was with him and we were by Sarah's parents house. We were flirting with each other. I was holding his hand and he sat by me rubbing my leg.

Then when I was at The Motor City Casino when my mom was offered a free room. Elliot, Tim, and Tom were there. I was laying on the bed and he just jumped on top of me and layed next to me. Then there was that time when I was at his Grandfathers house last year and we took a walk and he grabed my hand and he held it.

How this all started when we went to church at St Peter & Paul church. When he went to shake my hand he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I didn't think anything of it.

I have grown to love him not only as a friend but I have feelings for him. I am completly in love with him.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Inspiration/Motivator/ Mentor

When I got up I decided to weigh myself for a pre weigh in to see how I am I doing so far. I am down another 2 lbs so total that makes it 8 lbs. My next official weigh in is on the 20th of this month. I also see a change in my body. I am getting firmer. When I hit a certain mark I will do another after picture. I have 2 more pounds till I hit 10 pounds and 4 pounds till I am 250. If I hit that I will be jumping for joy.

Becoming a Vegertain/Vegan

When I first wanted to try the life style of becoming a vegerterian I thought it would be a good idea. It was hard I didn't know that much about it.

I looked on the PETA website and read the information. I sent out for the vegerterian starter kit. Read that and now I know about eating like a vegetarian.

Now if you want to transintion into being a vegan. That is a little more different lifestyle.

I have come to realize that I don't like Turkey. I have been eating it cause it was part of Thanksgiving. I don't eat sauage,bacon,duck,deer,rabbit, any thing that is a cute animal.

I also don't like most of Taco Bell's menu. I don't eat KFC chicken cause of how they treat their chickens.

I am changing my lifestyle step by step so that I am able to stick to my new changes.

Healthy Salad

Grilled Chicken
Lettuce
Cucumbers
Cherry Tomatos
Avocados
Alfalfa sprouts
Spinach
Onions/red onions
Green peppers
Mushrooms
Celery
Fat Free shredded cheese
Fat Free dressing


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Breakfest/Lunch Recipe

Fat Free Cream Cheese
Whole Wheat Bagels
Cucumbers
Alfalfa sprouts

-Toast your bagel

-Cut the Cumcumbers thin about 1 inch.

-Spread the Fat Free Cream Cheese on the Whole Wheat Bagel.

-Place as many as cumcumbers as you want.

-You can also add Alfalfa sprouts.



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Sad & Pethic

It's sad and pethic that someone has to post on their Facebook status that they are looking for friends and what kind of person they are. Not to mention she deleted me from her page. I then blocked her. I don't need someone like that on my friends list or to associate with them.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

So far, so good

I am focusing on things one at a time. A vision of me not wanting to be a fat bride is in my head. I don't want to look like this and regret looking at my wedding pictures and video. I need to do something about my weight now. I don't want to be fat anymore and look and feel like this. I want to start accomplishing my goals that I have set for myself.

I am wonder now I will look by May when my sister comes for my cousins communion party. I want to at least lose 30 pounds by then and I would be 237 lbs by then. I'm not gonna rush it but my main focus is to work on my weak spots and make them into my strenghts.


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Priorities

So far things are going good. I am eating healthy but I am working on my weak parts and that is my working out. I need to make that a priority in my life. I am not eating out or eating fast food. I am sick of the bad foods that I eat in my life. I am changing my life and I am loving it.

2 wedding dreams with face

Last night and a few nights ago I had another wedding dream but these last 2 were I seen the face of the man I was going to marry and that man was my friend Tom. I hope this is my sign from god that he is going to be the man I am gonna have as my husband.


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Hints Part 1

-I caught him staring at me.
-He says he loves me
-He finds ways to touch me.
-Calls me cute names like babe/sugarplum/babycakes

If and if he will confesses his love for me I will tell him that I kept on denying my feelings for you cause you were first my friend and then there was my rule for not dating friends cause I didn't want to screw up our friendship and also my other rule for dating men younger than me.

Then there was that one time you told me you that I wasn't your type but then again you seem to be flirting with me even before and after you went into the seminary.

What I mean by flirting was in the beginning somehow you gave me a kiss on the cheek when you shook my hand in church but that wasn't the only time you have done that. I didnt think anything of it. Then there was that tine when we held hands when we took a walk in your grandfathers neighborhood but that was before you told me I wasn't your type. That was another part I didn't think anything of.

Then there was that one time where you jumped on top of me when I was on bed on the Motor City Hotel.

When you went into the seminary I had put 2 walls up. One was the friendship wall and the second one was the semiary wall but those walls are down and I am complety in love with you. I know I can't have you now and I never will cause you are in the seminary. I will be here if you decide that being a priest isn't for you.

We have known each other for 9 years when I was dating your friend then as time went on we became good friends. Somehow that turned into something more.

What do all these mean. Are they hints for me that you like me. Am I just a fool to believe these are flirtly signs.

I wish you knew what you wanted. I hope I am making the right desision. In my heart I know good things come to those who wait. If I was you and if I was in the semiary I would be taking it seriously and not do the things you do or even talk the way you do.

You have 5 1/2 years left and if you don't make a decision in a couple years by the time I am 33 and you are 30. This will give you enough time to see if you will go through the end. I will move on with my life and find someone new.
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I have to remember all the times he let me down in 2009 by standing me up. It pisses me off when he does this. What real friend does this to a good friend of theirs. I guess he doesn't care.
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Why does he continue to do the same things he always did before he decided to go into the sememiry. Or that he told me that I wasn't his type a couple years ago.

Last night he told me that this year is a lot harder and in April he will determine if he is meant to become a priest. When I heard this it put a smile on my face. I will just have to wait and see what will come of our future if we remain friends or friendship turns into something more.

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Things are looking up

When I went to the dentist on Monday I was talking to Kelly who works there. I've known her for a long time. We always talk when I am there. She asked me about if I had a job and I told her I was still looking. She asked me about school. I told I graduated in July. She gave me the number to a place where either her friend or sister worked. It was a job in my field. I went that day and filled out a application and I was gonna give it a week but to my suprise they called me in for a interview for today at 2:00.

I am hoping and praying I get this job and it's a full time job. Last night Tom called me and asked me if I heard the news about the Masseuchetts Govenor seat. That a republication got it.

I asked him how school was going and he told me it's tough and this would be the semester to determine if he was meant fir the Priesthood. He will know in April. When I head this I put a smile on my face.

Today is my weight in day and I weighted myself and usual with nothing on and no eating or drinking. I used the toliet. I went on the scale and was happy to see that I was 257. I had lost 2 pounds from where I was before at 259.

I went out to eat at County Chief and I was did good. I ordered the baked orange roughy. I got the dinner which included soup,salad,and desert. I ordered cabbage soup, gave the salad and desert to my dad. I skipped the bread basket and crackers. This was the first time I went out to eat in a while. What I have been doing is eating not that much food. I also been trying to workout for 6 days a week.

I am hoping I get thus job cause it would be a start to establish my life and one less thing for me to worry about.

I found out that if I focus on one thing at a time that I was more likely to succeed.


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Wedding Dream

I had anothet wedding dream but this one was of me at my reception hall. I was eating at teh hard table but it  wasn't a regular head table. I wasn't sitting by my husband. I was sitting on the side with my mom and my older sister was where I was supposed to be. Then I told my mom that I should be by my husband. But he wasn't there. I wanted to get something to drink while everyone was having dinner and I looked at the line and I said screw it. My little sister handed me the little pitcher of water. Then later on I went to the bathroom and I look down on my dress and it was a A-line lace. I kissed some guy and he told me Congratulations.

I was looking around the room I noticed that everyone was having a good time. I seen that the hall was not as a banquet hall should be. The dance Floor was on the back. The orchestra band was in front but just during dinner cause they had another party to go to and there was also a DJ. I had RENT-A-DJ there. I never saw the photographer or Videographer there.

Then Toby Maguire was at my wedding. He called me over to where he was sitting and I was talking to him. He wanted me to request a song that was on the 3rd Spiderman movie. Some song about Savannah. Anyways, then we headed to the head table and we were sitting and I was asking him about Spiderman 4. Why wasn't he gonna be in it and here comes Paula Dean coming up to us to talk. Then I woke up.

In all my wedding dreams I  ever had I never saw who I was marrying. I wish I knew. I hope to have a wedding dream when I am planning my wedding and there will be a face to the man that will be my husband.

Made Fit TV

My last blog post I had told you about MadeFit TV. The first time I had heard about Jenny was I was watching my city channel on December 7th, 2008. They had a segment on a local personal trainer. At the time it was Brides Made Fit. I know I wasn't a Bride but she had some really good information on Health and Fitness. I then forgot about the news cast cause I wasn't in the fitness state of mind.

Then when I got back into the swing of things I had remembered that news cast and checked out her I-Pod cast on ITunes. I checked out her website and seen that she did a LIVE cast on USTREAM. So I checked it out on October 13, 2009. It was her Pumpkin Bread episode. From then on I was hooked and I look forward to every Saturday at noon. She has helped me a lot and I continue to tune in to see her live and talk with her before and after every show.



If you need help with weight loss. Tune in to her for free advice.

Quick Update

So I wanted to do a quick update. I have weighted myself today but I know it isn't a weigh in day I am now 259 lbs. I am so happy that I am under 260. My hightest was 263 so I am slowly losing.

A new year - A new lifestyle

Right now my daily routine is very lazy and boring. I get up eat breakfest, go on the computer check my email and surf the net, play games on Pogo, and watching TV. But some of that is changing. My new year goals are to spend less time on the computer and watching TV. That is a start for me to find something that I can do that is more active and not sit on my behind waste away the day.

My new lifestyle will be me being more active. I am slowly incorporting exercise in my daily routine. Learning new healthy habits. The key to this success is to take it one day at a time so that I can focus on each of my goals so that I am more likely to succeed. Success doesn't happen over night so I am looking at it as I will do this throughout the year and even years after this year.

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MadeFit TV: Motivate and Inspire me

I don't make Resolutions anymore I make goals for the year and I am not a diet I am on a health plan. When I refer the words of resolutions and diet. I have always failed and they are only short term. I am in this for the long run. I am always looking for encouraging words to help me in my weight loss process.


Jennifer DiDonato of MadeFitTV.com. Has been a great inspiration to me in my life and through my weight loss journey. She is one of my weight loss tools that will help me not give up. I am looking to her as a mentor that I can learn from and lead me to the weight I want to be

REMEMBER: DIET'S DON'T WORK!!!!

I come first. Love comes second

A part of me has my feelings in a box that wants to open up and let it all out. I will let them out when the time is right to tell Tom my feelings. I can't really tell him how I really feel now cause in order for me to tell him I need his feelings to come out in the open in order for me to have me tell him how I feel.

When and if will that ever happen. I am focused on me now . My career and weightloss comes first.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~