He did it again

Tom and I were supposed to do something today but plans had changed. I am DONE. I am pissed. The guard is up strong and the walls won't be coming down anytime soon. I will be focusing on me and my life. He makes plans and then most of the time he doesn't follow through. Then there is when I am trying to speak and he talks over me and he has the nerve when I do it to him he tells me let me talk. All he cares about is himself and he thinks he's always right.

I won't be hanging out with him anytime soon nor I will be answering the phone when he calls. He has done this too many times and to him our friendship is nothing to him. He lies and breaks promices. Our friendship has changed and I will never trust him or believe him for a long time.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Hope things are starting to look up

I am excited that I got a job interview tomorrow at Oakmont. Which is right across from where I live. I hope and pray something comes from this. I don't know if it's for housekeeping or a dietary aid. I feel confident about this and I hope whatever job it is I will be able to do it. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. I am so sick and tired of looking for jobs. All I want is to establish myself and have my own life living on my own rather than living with my parents.

I get this job and that will mean a start for me to saving money for a car and I can focus on what most means to me and that is my career. What that will be I hope is to start my own business. I can't give up. I will try my best to get all the help I need to help me succeed. I am doing this on my own. I will tell my parents and everyone else when things start to happen.

Vegan Raspberry Vinaigrette

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
 
1/2 cup raspberries, fresh or frozen
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 tsp sugar subistute
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1/4 cup vegetable oil
 
Preparation:
Add all ingredients, except oil to a blender or food processor and  
puree until smooth. Slowly add oil until well combined.

Vegan 'Honey' Mustard Dressing

Buy a empty plastic squirt bottle.
 
Ingredients:
3 1/2 Tbsp Lemon Juice
1 Tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1/3 Cup Agave Nectar Light
2 1/2 Tbsp Spicy Brown Mustard
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 Clove of Garlic
Black Pepper to taste
1/3 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
 
Makes 8 servings of 2 Tablespoons
 
Directions:
In a blender or with a hand blender combine all ingredients except for  
the Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Blend ingredients while slowly adding EVOO.
 
....and ta da! "Honey" Mustard Dressing!
 
*For a thicker/creamier version of the dressing substitute EVOO with 4  
tbsp Nayonaise and 1/2 cup soft tofu!*
 
Number of Servings: 8
 
Recipe submitted by SparkPeople user JAMIELEAPORRECA.
 
Number of Servings: 8

Tortilla Rollups

Ingredients
16 oz fat-free cream cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
8 oz fat-free feta cheese
9 oz frozen spinach
2 whole english (seedless) cucumbers
10 (10 inch) flour tortillas
1.Thaw and drain the spinach and set it off to the side
2. In a bowl, Soften the cream cheese
3. Stir in the feta cheese until it is blended with the cream cheese (if it is in a block, chop into crumbles with a fork)
4. Mix in the paremesan cheese until blended with the cream cheese mixture
5. Add the spinach and mix until blended
6. When mixed, mold into a ball in the bowl and place on wax paper and shape it into a ball
7. Place the ball on a dish, chop up cucmber into 1″-2″ slices and serve
   Servings: Approximately 42 - Serving size: 2 tablespoons

Why I want to lose weight?

1. Be healthier & Fitter

To look better than Brigette & Amanda
Shop at stores I couldn't before

I don't want to be fat anymore/
diabetic/die young/a fat bride/worry about what people are thinking about me about my weight.

I want to be fit/healthy/live a healthy lifestyle/like what I see in the mirror/

When temptation strikes I give in and when I am done I have guilt.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Hints Part 2

I was hanging out with Tom yesterday. After he picked me up we were driving for a bit and around 5:40-5:45 his friend Matt called and he called me his girlfriend. There has been other times in the past that he has called me his girlfriend. But later that day when he introduced me to his other friend he called me his really good friend.

He always tells me he loves me. At first I thought it was for friends then more and more hints begin to happen and I figured it out. I wanted to deny my feelings but when I finally came clean I knew I liked him.

He also makes sexual remarks to me at times. Like putting his hands between my legs to keep them warm and touching and sucking my boobs.

I just don't know anymore. But there are a couple of negitive things that has happened. He kinda pushes away from me. Like he told me I wasn't his type and I responded to him to the answer of the reaction as you aren't my type either. That was the big one. Also on Wednesday he did some kind of thing and he told me he was joking. I hope he isn't just being funny and messing with my head. If he is I will no longer want to be friends with him.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Think like a Trainer

Maybe if I think like a personal trainer who works out all the time then I can get my mind straight and stop making excuses and just get up and go to the gym without even thinking about it. I know when I want to go I think about it and I end up not going. My mind is full of EXCUSES that lead me to nowhere and just keep me from making my dreams come true.

I need to get a handle on this and figure out how to stop what is holding me back.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

I have to move on

I have given a lot of thought about the remark Tom said to me in the car about me not being his type. You think that I would get the hint. But what gets me is that he flirts with me. But I decided to move on and put up another guard to help keep me focused on what needs to be focued on and that is ME. That means me finding a job so that I can help establish myself, find my career, and have weightloss.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Positive Mind Set

I talked to Tom over Facebook Chat a little bit ago. He told me he has had it with the seminary. How all he has to do is look for a job that is plan b for him. He is looking for a job in Florida why I don't know what is so special in Florida.

Anyways, I haven't done a workout in 2 days and I have been slipping. I know I am gonna have those days once in a while and all I have to do is stick it out and go back to my positive mind set and get back on the wagon to continue my journey. There is no stopping me now. I want weightloss and I am gonna try my hardest to see my goal weight.

With Tom I do have my guard and wall up until I am 100% sure I am supposed to be with him. When he said Hi to me first after that was do I want to do something and that he was thinking about leaving the seminary cause he doesn't have his heart into it anymore. I guess that whatever is meant to be it's meant to be or not and we'll remain friends.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Back to Business

I am back to thinking about my Bridal Boutique Business. I need to really know if I am meant to do this. I can't give up cause if I do I will never know if this is my career.

I haven't talked to Tom since that day when I talked to him over Facebook chat. Maybe it's for the best we aren't supposed to be together and just remain friends. I guess it's for the best and I am fine with that. I have put my guard back up. I have always had my wall up but now that the guard is back up I am totally focused on me.

I will keep my wall up until I can truely know I can trust the man I am going to be with for the rest of my life.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Everyday Pritories

I have to make Exercise without making any Excuses and Eat healthy.

~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

I don't want to be fat bride

This has been on my mind. I don't want to hate what I see in photographs or on video. I want to be able to wear anything I see in stores.

I am getting to where I want to be. I am focused and motivated to finally see me at a weight I have been wanting for a long time.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Oh not again

I was chatting with Tom last night through Facebook chat and he was telling me that the priesthood isn't for him he is looking at other options. He told me he might want to move to Florida so that he can start working and make money so he can make something of himself. He told me if he'd move he would miss his friends and family since they are all here.

He asked me how I was and how my job search was going. I told him I was still looking. I also told him there is other things I am focusing on and that was a man. I said no guy would want to date someone like me and he said that was a good goal. Not the answer I was looking for but I am once again putting up my wall and focusing on my career and weight loss like I have been doing lately. I am all I am thinking about.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Almost There

I talked to Tom last night for almost 3 hours. He told me that he's not going to be a priest. So that makes me 75% almost to where I need to know. All I need is to be assured by him telling me that he wants to take our friendship to another level and when that happens I will be there 100% and I can fully let my guards down and tell him my feeling for him. When I tell him I will have the weight lifted off my shoulders.

I can see myself being with him. A few years ago. I think it was 2008. I was with him and we were by Sarah's parents house. We were flirting with each other. I was holding his hand and he sat by me rubbing my leg.

Then when I was at The Motor City Casino when my mom was offered a free room. Elliot, Tim, and Tom were there. I was laying on the bed and he just jumped on top of me and layed next to me. Then there was that time when I was at his Grandfathers house last year and we took a walk and he grabed my hand and he held it.

How this all started when we went to church at St Peter & Paul church. When he went to shake my hand he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I didn't think anything of it.

I have grown to love him not only as a friend but I have feelings for him. I am completly in love with him.


~Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone~

Inspiration/Motivator/ Mentor

When I got up I decided to weigh myself for a pre weigh in to see how I am I doing so far. I am down another 2 lbs so total that makes it 8 lbs. My next official weigh in is on the 20th of this month. I also see a change in my body. I am getting firmer. When I hit a certain mark I will do another after picture. I have 2 more pounds till I hit 10 pounds and 4 pounds till I am 250. If I hit that I will be jumping for joy.

Becoming a Vegertain/Vegan

When I first wanted to try the life style of becoming a vegerterian I thought it would be a good idea. It was hard I didn't know that much about it.

I looked on the PETA website and read the information. I sent out for the vegerterian starter kit. Read that and now I know about eating like a vegetarian.

Now if you want to transintion into being a vegan. That is a little more different lifestyle.

I have come to realize that I don't like Turkey. I have been eating it cause it was part of Thanksgiving. I don't eat sauage,bacon,duck,deer,rabbit, any thing that is a cute animal.

I also don't like most of Taco Bell's menu. I don't eat KFC chicken cause of how they treat their chickens.

I am changing my lifestyle step by step so that I am able to stick to my new changes.