What matters most

Something was bothering and keeping me from my decision to move to California and that is my feelings for Tom are still there and I can't stop it.

I hung out with him today and it was the same ole same ole thing. He played footsie with me and it seemed like he was flirting. But I'm not gonna fall deep and let my wall down until I am totally sure that his feeling are the same as mine.

I just know what he wants. I am too much of a chicken to tell him how I really feel. I have a lot of feels locked up inside of me. Feelings of anger and confusion. It's hard to tell my feelings out loud. Especially to Tom. When our friendship us a 1 way street.

I am gonna play hard to get if he really does like me. It's not gonna be easy. Even though I have strong feelings for him and I already have fallen in love with him.

He has asked me to look at houses with him so that I can give my option from a woman's point of view and now we went to look at cars and he wants my option on that.

When we were taking about houses I told him he wants a house big enough for him and he said maybe 2. I don't know what he was getting at but I shouldn't let my wall down but my guard will always be up around my heart until I am able to know that Tom really likes me more than a friend thenI cam fully let down my guard and tell my real feelings for him. I don't know if that day will ever come. In the past I've waited and that day never came so I've wasted so much time at that when I could of focused on other things. I've put my focus on something else and that is what really matters is me, myself, and I. My career and my health.

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